


One Night

by Cartecka



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2018-10-21 03:43:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 53,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10676997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cartecka/pseuds/Cartecka
Summary: Kara and Lena's relationship is heading towards something as disasters bring them closer and closer. But can they survive the looming threat from Cadmus and more than one murderous family member in the wings?(I edited the summary after all this time since when I started I actually had no clue where the story was going. Slight AU. I essentially pick and choose events from canon I like and ignore the rest.)





	1. Chapter 1

_Kara tugs Lena along behind her. It’s clear that running isn’t something Lena does often because even without her powers Kara is still being slowed down. It feels redundant to wish she had her powers. She’s been wishing that since she lost them, but right now, she wants nothing more than to scoop Lena up into her arms and take off, fly them both back to National City and forget about all of this. Instead, she trips over a tree root and only barely keeps herself from falling._

_She hears shouts behind them and lights, and she knows that if her human ears can pick them up they must be close, but she’s not sure how close. She’s still unsure about the range of her hearing when they’re not benefiting from the light of the yellow sun. A helicopter roars overhead, flooding the forest with light and Kara ducks behind a tree, pulling Lena into her chest._

_They stand in the shadows, silent except for their rapid breaths and speeding hearts. The helicopter continues on and the forest is bathed in darkness again. Kara gives her eyes a second to readjust to the darkness and then she takes off again. She clasps Lena’s hand tightly in hers, and thinks that no matter what happens tonight, there’s no way she’s letting go._

 

* * *

 

Lena snuck up on Kara in a way that no one ever had before. She could never have predicted that one day she might be best friends with the CEO of any company, much less a company previously owned by Lex Luthor. She feels like their friendship is one of the most unlikely in the universe (and she would be the authority on that). She tries not to think about how maybe their friendship only works because Lena doesn’t know how impossible it should be. But they _are_ friends, undeniably, and while all of Kara’s other friends seem to be pulling away (James and Winn are too busy being Guardian to have game nights most of the time and Alex and Maggie are still in the honeymoon stage), Lena seems to be getting closer with every passing day.

Kara’s not sure when along the way they became friends. When the interviews turned to coffee dates and when the coffee dates turned to lunch dates. Thinking back on it, Kara feels like she missed a lot of milestones. She can’t remember the first time they really hung out (not masquerading as an interview). She can’t remember the first time they went to a movie together or the first time they saw a concert downtown or the first time they argued over a check at dinner.

But, there’s no way Kara is missing _this_ milestone, because Lena Luthor is coming _to her house_. It’s nothing fancy, of course. Lena may be able to do fancy with every waking breath but Kara still needs her sister to dress her up for anything more upscale than business casual. So tonight will be very relaxed. Just ordering in pizza and watching a movie. The same thing Kara’s done a million times before, only this time with Lena next to her and, for some reason, that makes all the difference.

Kara can’t quite pinpoint why it changes so much. Lena wouldn’t be the first friend she invited over for pizza and a movie but she’s never been this nervous before. All she knows is that she’s been cleaning her apartment non-stop for the last forty-five minutes and short of lifting up the couch to make sure there isn’t a speck of dust underneath, there’s not much else she can do. She wants to stop, to relax, but every time she tries she ends up fidgeting so badly that she’s broken two pencils and bent one of her spoons so completely out of shape it might be unsalvageable. So she’s very relieved when she hears a knock on the door alerting her to someone’s presence. A quick x-ray vision check tells her that it’s Lena and also reminds her that she needs to put on her glasses. While Kara is sure that she will have to tell Lena about her alter ego at some point, she’s pretty sure tonight is not the right time. 

When she opens the door, Lena is standing on the other side with a bottle of wine in one hand that Kara _knows_ costs more than her weekly salary and looking absolutely gorgeous. She’s wearing jeans and it’s not the first time that Kara’s seen them on her, but it _is_ the first time she’s seen Lena in a sweatshirt. Kara has the strange and very sudden urge to hug Lena and not just one of those friendly hugs that they’ve shared up until this point but the kind where she buries her face into Lena’s shoulder and lets her hands fist into the soft fabric at the small of back. But before she can process the urge, Lena is stepping around Kara to enter the apartment.

“Your apartment is lovely,” Lena says.

It’s one of those compliments that you have to give when seeing someone’s apartment for the first time but it doesn’t feel like a platitude coming from Lena. Maybe because her eyes dance around, taking every detail in. Maybe because of the small smile that slips across her lips as she says it.

“Oh, thanks,” Kara says, waving her hand dismissively, “It’s nothing special really.”

“No,” Lena says turning to face her. “It’s homey and cute and it suits you. It’s kind of exactly what I pictured.”

“Um, yes, right. I mean, I decorated it kind of? Alex helped a lot. She’s really better with all that stuff. I tend to get… distracted.”

Lena laughs lightly the way she does every time Kara admits something embarrassing about herself. It’s not malicious, ever. When they’d first started hanging out, it had taken Kara a while to find the word to describe that particular laugh, but eventually she’d settled on affectionate. It was like Lena found all of those little details that Kara liked least about herself absolutely delightful.

“Well, then your sister did a fantastic job.”

Kara nods. It’s not rare that she finds herself at a loss for words around Lena. Its not that she’s awkward or uncomfortable but Lena always seems to know how to knock Kara slightly off-balance. For a second, they end up just regarding each other softly before Kara remembers that Lena is here for a reason.

“Pizza! We should order the pizza. You like mushrooms and caramelized onions, right? And pepperoni?”

“You know my order,” Lena says, sounding surprised.

“Of course, we’ve ordered pizza before,” Kara replies easily.

It doesn’t strike her until after she says it that maybe it _is_ surprising because they’ve only had pizza together once before at a fancy restaurant downtown. Certainly she wouldn’t expect Lena to remember her order after only one time (though it’s just plain pepperoni). But Kara tends to collect little details about Lena. Most of the time she does it accidentally, without meaning to, but she’ll find herself thinking about them days later, trying to piece them together in hopes of _knowing_ Lena better.

“Um,” Kara says, clearing her throat. “Why don’t you sit and pick a movie? I’ll be there as soon as I finish this call.”

Kara orders the pizza quickly and then turns to find that Lena has kicked off her shoes and tucked her legs under her as she scrolls through Kara’s Netflix. She has also taken the liberty of pouring herself a glass of wine and she looks so soft and domestic and comfortable that Kara has to blink. It feels like a dream (Kara’s not sure why she would be dreaming of having Lena in her home like this) and there’s something warm and soft in Kara’s chest. When Lena glances over, Kara forces herself to snap out of it.

“So, did you pick a movie?”

“I… don’t know any of these,” Lena says. “I mean, I never had time to watch many movies so I don’t really know what’s good.”

“Well, what are you in the mood for?”

“Nothing scary or action. I get enough of that in my real life.”

“How about a romantic comedy?” Kara says.

Lena laughs.

“Well, heaven knows I don’t get enough of that in real life. Sounds perfect.”

Kara laughs softly under her breath. She thinks that if anyone deserves romance, deserves love, it must be Lena. She’s kind and smart and funny and beautiful… and lonely. Kara recognizes it. She’s seen so much loneliness in her life —in herself, in J’onn, in Mon-El, in so many others — that it’s hard to miss. It’s not a fleeting loneliness that comes when your best friend leaves town for a month but a chronic kind of loneliness. The kind that runs in an undercurrent all the time, even when she’s around other people. It comes not from being alone, but from a loss leaving an un-fillable hole.

But, just because she can’t fill it, doesn’t mean it’s destined to hurt forever. There are ways of alleviating the hurt and having someone to love, who loves you back, helps. It’s not a cure at all, but it does help and Lena deserves that more than anyone.

“Why not?” Kara asks, once she’s started the movie (she chose _When Harry Met Sally_  because it’s a classic and it was the first she saw.)

“Hm?” Lena says distractedly.

“Why don’t you have much romance in your life?”

Lena looks at Kara like she’s crazy and Kara thinks maybe she actually is for asking that question out loud.

“Not many people want to date Lex Luthor’s little sister,” she says.

“But you’re so much more than that!” Kara replies.

“Yeah, to you, because you know me. But most people don’t actually get that far,” Lena says. “You’re special.”

Kara scrunches up her nose and leans her head against Lena’s shoulder.

“Most people are stupid,” she says. “You’re wonderful and anyone would be lucky to date you.”

Kara doesn’t miss the way Lena’s heartbeat trips a little and she wonders what part of her statement cause that reaction.

“That’s very nice of you say, Kara.”

“I mean it,” Kara says emphatically. “You’re beautiful and you deserve all of the love in the world.”

 

* * *

 

_“I think we lost them,” Kara pants._

_Lena doesn’t answer, too busy trying to catch her breath to do anything other than bend over and gasp. Kara sits down at the base of a tree and leans her head back. She closes her eyes and stretches the limits of her human ears but can’t hear anything past the rustling of leaves. When she opens them again, Lena has also sat down against a tree a few feet away and is glaring at Kara._

_“Look. Lena. I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t have a choice.”_

_Lena looks away and clenches her jaw, shaking her head with barely contained… something (fury, sadness, betrayal? Kara’s not sure what she’s feeling)._

_“You always have a choice Kara,” Lena says and her tone is scathing. “You chose wrong.”_


	2. Chapter 2

_Eventually, the cool night air forces them to start moving again. Southern California may be warm at this time of year, but at 3am_ _even the warmest climates can feel cold. The light breeze cuts right through their thin shirts and pants (resembling hospital scrubs more than anything else). Kara doesn’t reach out to hold Lena’s hand again though she desperately wants to. She doesn’t want to live through the moment where Lena flinches away and glares at her like she hates her._

_“Do you have any idea of where we’re heading?” Lena asks, irritation creeping into her voice._

_“Northwest,” Kara says. “I’m from space remember? I know my stars. I think the compound we were at was south-east of National City so we should hit civilization at some point.”_

_“At what point exactly?” Lena asks. “Because you don’t have super endurance right now and I certainly do not. Also, we’re in the middle of the forest. We could get attacked by bears or something.”_

_Kara rolls her eyes._

_“Bears are docile unless provoked. And either way,” Kara says turning to face Lena, who looks entirely unimpressed, “I’ll protect you.”_

 

* * *

 

The DEO is too loud right now. Cadmus released another video, this one without any sort of narrative and instead just including clips of destruction wreaked on Metropolis and National City by Supergirl and Superman. There’s some of when Kara was affected by red kryptonite but most of them are from when she’s still herself and she gets thrown into a building, or one of her punches runs a little off course. Somehow every shot manages to miss the alien that Supergirl or Superman is fighting and it frames them destroying public property just because a whim strikes. It’s a PR nightmare.

There’s not much Supergirl can do to fight this. There’s no one to punch, no one to interrogate, no one to fight at all. So instead, Kara has to watch helplessly as Winn furiously types away at his keyboard doing his best to limit exposure, though the damage is already done. J’onn is having a conference call with the President. James had disappeared the moment the video appeared on their screens saying that he needed to get back to CatCo so that they could at least try and control the story in the Tribune release tomorrow. And Alex is calling Maggie to make sure the police department has people on hand for the inevitable uptick in human on alien violence (and human on human violence as well).

And Kara, for all her powers and strength, feels completely useless. Alex had warned her about going out as Supergirl right now because it was sure to increase tensions on both sides of the argument and that was the last thing the city needed. So Kara has been quarantined to the base and it’s too loud. It’s rare that she gets sensory overload these days. She’s mostly figured out how to control her hearing but every so often there are some stressors that can make her slip. (Her superhero alter-ego’s name being dragged through the mud by the people who had kidnapped her and made her bleed did the trick.)

She gets up shakily from the desk she’d been sitting at and gestures at Alex that she’s going to leave. Alex has the presence of mind to look concerned but when Kara waves her off, she turns back to her phone. Kara flies quickly to her apartment, taking advantage of the low-hanging clouds to cover her. As soon as she touches down, she grabs the lead-lined ear plugs Jeremiah made for her way back when she was young and stuffs them into her ears.

The world instantly goes quiet and Kara feels like the fist that was clenching around her lungs loosens somewhat. She lies back on her bed and relishes for a moment in how quiet the world has become. She gives herself half an hour until her heart rate has evened out and until she’s processed (as much as she can in such little time) that Cadmus is back at it again and they’re after her. She waits until the roiling anger and fear calm into something more solid, something she can handle. Then she pulls the ear plugs out. The sounds of the city come rushing back to her enough too quickly and too loudly and Kara has to press her hands over her ears for a second to acclimate.

Carefully, she pulls her hearing back until she can only hear what’s inside of her apartment: the quiet rush of water in the walls, the light hum of electricity from her laptop, all those strange noises her fridge makes that maybe she should get checked out. When she’s got a handle on it she stands up and glances out the window. The sun is starting to fade and Kara looks out over the city she loves so much and wonders how many of the people there wish she were dead.

Her phone on her nightstand buzzes and Kara reaches over to check who it is.

_u alright?_

Kara smiles softly at her phone. Alex always knows.

_Fine, just overwhelmed. How are things?  
_

It takes Alex three minutes to answer and Kara can feel her hesitation through the phone. It means that things are bad and Alex wouldn’t lie to Kara but she is trying to figure exactly how much she should tell her.

_Not great. People are unhappy. Aliens are scared. But I think things will calm down soon, like they did after the last video. people will forget._

Kara can tell that Alex is trying to make her feel better and, honestly, it works.

_u sure ur good tho? because technically I’m supposed to stay but i have some sway with the boss and i can come over if you need me._

_I’m sure_

_Alright sis. i love you._

_love you too._

The truth is, Kara would love it if Alex came over. She still feels shaky. Every time Cadmus rears its head, releases a new video, and stirs up all of the anti-alien feelings in National City, Kara is forced to remember that she doesn’t belong here. She isn’t human and this isn’t her home as much as she wishes it were. She’s _different_. And there are always people who will hate her for it, regardless of what good she may do. 

When she’d become Supergirl she had thought that people would like her, almost without exception. And the few that would hate her, the Lex Luthors of the world, she thought she could easily place in a box labelled evil. But it’s not that easy. Cadmus is evil. Lillian Luthor is evil. But the guy at the grocery store who thinks aliens shouldn’t have the same rights as humans. He’s not evil. He has a wife and a kid who love him and he’s always nice to Kara when he bags her groceries. He doesn’t fit into that pretty little box that Kara had built for him.

Kara glances down at the phone that is still resting in her hand and she finds herself very suddenly wanting to see Lena. She must have seen the video by now. Must know that Cadmus and, by extension, her mother are up to their old tricks. Kara still wonders exactly where Lena stands on all of this. The alien detection device had been ambiguous. It was clear that Lena’s intentions hadn’t been malicious but the undertones of prejudice were hard for Kara to ignore.

Still, Kara needs a friend and she has a feeling that Lena might need one too right now. After all, any reminder of her mother usually sends Lena into a small spiral of self-doubt and unhappiness.

_hey… can i see you?_

Lena’s reply is immediate.

_Of course. i’m at the office if you want to swing by._

_i’m nearby actually, i’ll be there in five._

It’s a lie, of course, but Kara doesn’t want to have to wait around for too long before flying there. She grabs a change of Kara clothes before hopping out of her window and into the night sky. Normally she’ll scan the city for signs of trouble, but tonight she’s afraid of what she’ll hear. So she flies straight to L-Corp and changes in an alley around the corner (she’d found it the third time she flew there and she loves it because it’s mostly blocked off so no one can see her and it doesn’t ever smell like pee like most of the dingy alleys she finds herself changing in).

Jess is not at her desk, but that’s unsurprising because its past seven and Lena really should have gone home by now. So Kara just sweeps up into the elevator and knocks gently on Lena’s office door. When she hears the quiet ‘come in’ in response, she pushes the door open.

Lena’s sitting at her desk looking prim and poised and lovely and if Kara didn’t know her as well as she does, she wouldn’t have noticed that anything was wrong. But there’s a shadow in Lena’s smile as she greets Kara that she wishes she could wipe away.

“So, what does CatCo want to know?” Lena says, her tone a little tight. “No, I do not know anything about Cadmus. Yes, I do condemn my mother’s actions. No, I do not think aliens should be killed. Yes, I do support Alien Amnesty.” Lena pauses and raises an eyebrow. “You’re not writing anything down?”

Kara gapes and flounders for a seconds. She hadn’t even considered an interview (though now that Lena mentions it, she’s sure that Snapper would be impressed with her initiative.)

“I… I wasn’t going to… I mean, I didn’t come here for an interview.”

Lena’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise but the defensiveness in her posture settles a little and her eyes get softer.

“You’re not?”

“No… I just… I don’t know. Wanted to see you? I saw the video and I just… I don’t know…”

She wants to know what Lena thinks. She wants Lena to tell her that she doesn’t fear aliens like she was raised to. She wants Lena to tell her that if she knew Kara was an alien they would still be friends. Kara had gotten used to the ambiguity, to Lena’s slight but very present discomfort around aliens. But today, with the city roiling beneath them, she needs to know that her best friend would still be there if she knew the truth. But there’s no way to ask her without putting herself in the cross hairs.

“Kara, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just really don’t like Cadmus.”

Something about what Kara just said, or maybe her expression, makes Lena smile in that soft, warm way that Kara selfishly hopes is reserved for her. Lena stands up from her seat and walks around her desk inclining her head towards the couch in the corner of her office in invitation. Kara follows and plops down next to her.

“Tell me what’s bothering you, Kara,” Lena says and while her words are a command, it sounds more like a question, a request.

“I…” Kara pauses because she needs to be careful with her words. When she starts again it’s with a little more confidence. “Whenever Cadmus releases a new video, people start to talk and I hear horrible things. And I have… friends who are aliens and they don’t… they’re _good_ and they don’t deserve this.”

Kara is talking mostly about J’onn, who had almost lost his job, his life, his dignity when he came out the year before. He had done so much for the DEO, so much for humans overall, and he had revealed himself to save Kara’s life. But she’s also talking about M’gann who has struggled through so much to get here and who deserves to be safe. And all the other aliens at the bar just trying to live their lives: Lyra, Mon-El, Brian. And of course, she’s talking about herself. But honestly, she’s the least of her own worries because Supergirl seems to get a free pass from many people because she’s a hero, because she looks human, because they don’t have to worry about bumping into her on the street.

“Friends?” Lena says. “Like Supergirl?”

“I-I mean, she’s one of them,” Kara stutters.

Lena chuckles lightly.

“You’re right. The stuff that people say about aliens are awful. Supergirl, and your other friends, don’t deserve it. But I can understand where people are coming from,” Lena says. “I mean, there are bad aliens out there. You admitted that yourself.”

Lena’s words cut like a knife, though Kara is sure they won’t supposed to. Lena doesn’t know that right now Kara needs unwavering support. Lena doesn’t even know what she’s supposed to be supporting. Still, in her current state, it’s enough to get Kara a little defensive. 

“But they’re not _all_ bad. There are so many aliens that are just trying to live their lives. People just don’t know about them because the media only reports on the horrible things. An alien attacked this, alien weapons did that. No one ever talks about the alien family that went to the grocery store today to be ingredients to make lasagna because it reminds them of a food from their home planet. Or the alien guy who does accounting for a non-profit. There are so many aliens who are not exceptional at all. They act like humans, talk like humans, are humans in everything but biology.”

Lena blinks and, while the knowledge that aliens live on earth is pretty wide-spread, seems surprised.

“How many of them do you think there are though? I mean, compared to the ones that are violent?”

“So many,” Kara says. “The violent aliens are not representative. Every race is going to have people who are bad. Humans kill humans all the time. In fact, more humans have died at human hands than at alien hands in the last three years. Most aliens are trying to keep their heads down and just _survive_ because no one abandons the planet they grew up in to come to one where they are hated just for fun. The idea that aliens are coming to earth to invade is a myth and it’s preposterous.”

“What about those aliens last year? The ones that enslaved all of National City?” Lena asks.

Kara feels a familiar twist in her gut. Non is still locked up in a DEO cell so secure he could never hope to escape and Winn had figured out a code that would incapacitate Indigo entirely. But they are still an itching worry in the back of her mind. A reminder that though she was supposed to be a safe-keeper of Kryptonian knowledge and culture, she had also locked up one of the last of her people.

“Not representative. And anyway, they didn’t come to earth to enslave us. They crash landed here.”

“And decided to mind-control everyone.”

“They thought they were doing the right thing,” Kara says. “And it’s not like humans haven’t done similar things just without the technology. Censorship, laws, and propaganda all serve similar purposes. They’re just less high tech.”

Lena pauses and seems to consider Kara’s words.

“Still, it’s frightening to some people to consider that there are aliens out there who could kill them in a second if they wanted to.”

“Are you one of those people?” Kara asks.

“I… I don’t know. I’ve never met an alien. I trust Supergirl because she’s saved my life more than once but… I admit that there are few aliens I would feel safe around. I guess I’m not afraid of aliens so much as I’m afraid of what they may think of me and want to do to me because of my family. It wouldn’t be the first time an alien tried to hurt me because of what Lex has done.”

Kara blinks in surprise because she… had not thought about that. She supposes that if anyone on the planet had a right to fear aliens it would be Lex Luthor’s little sister. Of course Lena has a target painted on her back and of course it must be hard for her to trust aliens if she has been attacked by one before.

“But you trust Supergirl?”

“Of course, Kara,” Lena says with a slight laugh. “How could I not? She’s _Supergirl_. Strong and kind and righteous. She’s better than many humans I’ve met.”

That, at least, is enough to put some of Kara’s fears at ease. She hopes that maybe with time she’ll be able to convince Lena that she can trust aliens and that they aren’t to be feared.

 

* * *

 

_“You’ll protect me, Supergirl?” Lena spits out, and her voice is ice and fire. “Like you protected him? I didn’t see you doing much when he was screaming out my name. You left him there to die.”_

_“It was you or him,” Kara says back, her voice dreadfully calm. “I don’t have powers right now, I can’t save everyone even when I do. And between you and him, there was never a choice.”_

_Lena clenches her jaw and turns away from her. Even in the moonlight, Kara can see the tears glistening as they roll down her cheeks. She remembers, before all this, holding Lena in her arms as she cried and swearing to herself that she would do everything she could to make sure she never looked like that again. She wishes she could fold Lena in her arms again and not let go until her tears were dry and her breathing settled. But this time it’s her fault that Lena is crying and Kara wishes, not for the first time, that she could turn back time and start all over._


	3. Chapter 3

_After walking for another two hours, Kara notices that Lena has started to lag. Her feet drag with each step and her shoulders are hunched. The sky has turned slightly lighter, enough that Kara can see more than a few feet in front of her and it’s a relief, but they’re still in the woods and there still seems to be no end in sight. She stops._

_“Why are we stopping?” Lena asks, panting slightly when she catches up._

_“Because you’re exhausted and you need to rest.”_

_Lena scoffs._

_“I don’t need you to worry about me. What I need is to get home and take a shower and then deal with the fact that I haven’t been with my company for five days. And then, I have to deal with the fact that my mother kidnapped me again. And then, only then, I can rest. Though I’m sure that some other crisis will come up in between now and then that I’ll have to deal with.”_

_“Lena, you need to rest or you’re going to pass out before we get anywhere. Sit down and catch your breath, okay? I’m going to see if I can find some water.”_

_Lena eyes Kara stubbornly for a second but then marches over to a fallen tree trunk with surprising vigor and plops herself down. She raises an eyebrow at Kara as if daring her to say something else and Kara decides against it._

_“I’ll be right back,” she mutters before marching off into the trees._

 

* * *

 

Kara’s not sure she’s ever flown faster than she does when she gets a frantic text from Maggie saying that the police had been alerted to shots fired at L-Corp. She gets there in less than three seconds and flies straight to Lena’s office. She sees the man, with a gun pointed right at Lena’s face. She hears him saying something about Lex but she doesn’t bother to figure out what it is before flying straight through the window (she’ll have the DEO pay Lena back even though Lena can certainly afford it. She still feels bad).

He fires the moment he sees her but Kara’s faster and the bullet bounces harmlessly off of her chest as she positions herself in front of Lena. A split second later, she’s speeding forward and disarming the shooter and knocking him out. She turns back to Lena to see her chest rising and falling so quickly that it’s verging on hyperventilation and she wants to stay with her. God, does she want to. But she can hear people downstairs shouting for help because on his way up to Lena’s office the shooter had done quite a bit of damage.

“Lena you’re safe now. Okay? I have to go help out downstairs. But you’re safe. I promise.”

Kara’s reassurances do very little to calm Lena but Kara _can’t stay_. So despite every instinct telling her otherwise, Kara leaves Lena behind. She grabs the shooter by the scruff of the neck and drops him unceremoniously in front of the police who just stare for a few seconds before scrambling to cuff him. As soon as Kara’s sure he’s been dealt with she goes back into the the building. The lobby is strewn with bodies. Some… she’s too late for and Kara has to take a steadying breath as she tries to reconcile warm bodies with silent hearts. But she can’t fall apart yet though because there are people who are still breathing. Those who’s hearts have started to fade, Kara flies straight to the hospital, as fast as she can without making things worse. The others, she helps into ambulances as the paramedics start to arrive. She finds Jess, hidden behind her desk, pressing her hand into her thigh to stem a steady stream of blood. She’s not in life-threatening danger but Kara’s heart still lurches at the sight of it.

“Is Miss Luthor alright?” Jess asks, as Kara carries her out to the paramedics.

Kara almost laughs because really Jess could not get more loyal if she tried.

“Physically, yes.”

Jess nods mutely. Kara can already tell that Jess is starting to rearrange Lena’s schedule. Cancelling non-essential meetings, pushing back the ones that she can’t cancel.

“Jess,” Supergirl says, for a second forgetting that she’s not supposed to be this familiar with her. “Take care of yourself before Lena. I’ll make sure she gets home safe. Let the doctors take care of you, okay?”

Jess glances at Kara in surprise and then sighs.

“Of course, Supergirl.”

Kara nods at her once and then takes off. She flies back up to Lena’s office to find her curled up on the floor with her breaths coming in sharp pants and her heart rate through the roof. Kara approaches her cautiously, making sure that she’s in Lena’s periphery before trying to talk to her.

“Ms. Luthor,” she says, softly and slowly crouches down so that she’s somewhat eye to eye with her. “Lena.”

Lena glances up for a second but then goes back to staring at her hands that are clenched into fists against the ground. It’s like she’s fighting to hold herself together even now but all it’s doing is making her fall apart faster.

“Lena,” Kara says again and she doesn’t know what to do except reach out slowly and carefully.

When Lena doesn’t back away, doesn’t flinch, doesn’t do anything but watch as Kara places her hand against her shoulder. The moment she touches Lena, she collapses. She stops trying to hold the pieces of herself together and she lets herself fall forward into Kara’s arms and she sobs.

They must look a picture, Kara thinks, with her cape spread out behind them and Lena curled in her lap with the glitter of broken glass around them reflecting the setting sun. She hates it when destruction is beautiful. It should hurt to look at. It should be ugly and terrible. But Kara remembers the death of Krypton, the way the flames had licked out in curling waves, backed by the infinite darkness of space and it hurts, hurts, hurts.

Lena cries and cries until she loses her voice and even then, broken, cracked sobs still wrack her body. Kara scoops her up then, holding her close to her chest and takes off. She hopes that not being surrounded by the remnants of her office and the scent of gunpowder will help a little. Lena gasps a little as Kara jumps off her balcony and buries her face into Kara’s neck, but after a few seconds she ventures a look. She doesn’t look down, which is probably good because they are _very_ high up, but she does look around at the clouds and the pink and purple sky.

By the time they alight on Lena’s balcony, she’s stopped crying and has just gone quiet. Kara places her down gently. Lena doesn’t step back for a second, her arms still wrapped around Kara’s shoulders as if she’s afraid to let go, but then she seems to remember herself and she pulls away so quickly she stumbles.

“Supergirl,” she says, as if only now realizing who had been holding her.

Her voice is raw and it cracks as she speaks.

“Ms. Luthor,” Kara replies.

“I, um, thank you for the ride. My employees… are they safe?”

Kara thinks back to the two silent bodies in the L-Corp lobby. She thinks about the ones with stuttering heartbeats that the doctors at the had looked looked at with despair. She thinks back to Jess who is alive, but certainly not unhurt.

“I couldn’t save everyone. I wasn’t fast enough,” Kara says, hating that she is adding people to the ever expanding list. “I’m sorry. There are at least two dead. I took a few to the hospital who might not survive the night.”

Lena closes her eyes and lets out a shuddering breath.

“Jess?”

“She’s fine. Took a bullet to the thigh but she’ll survive. She was already trying to reschedule all your meetings as I helped her to the paramedics.”

Lena lets out a choked laugh.

“Thank you, Supergirl, for saving me again and for helping my employees.”

“It’s no problem, Ms. Luthor. I will always do whatever I can to protect you.”

It’s a little too earnest considering they aren’t really supposed to know each other but if Lena hears it she doesn’t react.

“I’m going to…” Lena gestures vaguely at her apartment.

Kara nods and takes a step back. She stays until Lena disappears around a corner and then she takes off. While the shooter wasn’t alien and none of the employees were alien, Kara still has to go back to the DEO to debrief. Since Kara is an alien, technically everything Supergirl does is alien activity and it all falls under their jurisdiction. But Kara's not really in the mood to talk to J'onn. She has at least two bodies on her hands and Lena had almost died and Kara had held the broken woman in her arms. But if she doesn't go now, she'll get endless texts from Alex until she shows up.

J'onn is already waiting for her at the main console in the DEO. His expression is nigh unreadable as it often is, but his tone is soft when he speaks to her. He’s already gotten the reports from the police officers and he gently informs Kara that one of the people she transported to the hospital died on the operating table. It’s another blow but Kara feels numb to it.

“How is Lena Luthor?” he asks.

He’s come to terms with her, trusts her mostly, and knows that Kara cares about her, which is enough for him to want to check in.

“Shaken up. Scared. Probably feeling guilty and responsible for her employees deaths,” Kara replies. “I should probably go see her. As Kara. She’ll need a friend right now.”

“Kara,” J’onn says softly and he places a warm hand on her shoulder. “I think _you_ might need a friend right now. Go home, call Alex, get some rest.”

That sounds lovely really, to curl up on her couch in Alex’s arms and let her big sister remind her that everything will be okay. But…

“She doesn’t have anyone else.”

J’onn purses his lips and sighs but nods.

“But tonight, have Alex come over.”

“I don’t want to interrupt her and-“

“If you don’t call her, I will,” J’onn says firmly. “You don’t want to be alone tonight.”

Kara knows that J’onn can’t read her mind, but it’s moments like these that she wonders if maybe he can just a little bit. But, no, he just knows her, and understands what she feels like more than anyone. Tonight the nightmares of Krypton will come back. They’ll come back in full sound and color and Kara will wake up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath. And having her sister there will make it better, because Alex always makes everything better. Still… it’s not her burden to bear.

“El Mayarah, Kara,” J’onn says with near perfect inflection. “It’s okay to ask for help. Call your sister.”

That does the trick, just as J’onn knew it would and Kara nods. She gives J’onn a tight hug because she needs one and because its times like this where she remembers how much she loves him. Then, he pushes her away lightly and say ‘go’ softly and Kara jumps out into the night sky again. She has to go home and change and shower because there’s still shards of glass in her hair and on her suit and she knows that there’s blood all over her hands, but she makes it quick and less than ten-minutes later is out the window again.

She only has the presence of mind to send a text as she’s pulling up to the building.

 _Lena, i’m coming over… actually i’m already here. if you want me to go, i will but I heard about what happened today and i’m worried about you_.

Kara waits impatiently just outside Lena’s building for a response to her text. As much as she want to just burst into Lena’s apartment and make her feel better, she doesn’t think Lena would react too well to more surprises today. It doesn’t take long though before Lena replies.

_please come up_

So Kara does. The doorman knows her by now and smiles at her as she walks in. She knock quietly on Lena’s door and then louder when she doesn’t get an answer.

“Come in.”

Lena’s voice is still raw from crying. She’s changed out of her pencil skirt and blazer into soft-looking pajama pants and a sweatshirt but she looks no more at ease. She barely looks up when Kara walks into the living room to find her deep into a bottle of scotch.

“You didn’t have to come,” Lena says, her voice hollow and emotionless. “I’m fine. Really. My life was actually getting kind of boring without the constant threat of death hanging over my head.”

“ _Lena_ ,” Kara implores, stepping closer.

Lena shakes her head and brings her scotch up to her lips. Kara makes a sound of protest and steps forward to gently take the glass away from her. Kara supposes she should be happy that Lena doesn’t fight her but she wishes she could get some sort of reaction. Lena just seems so… _empty._

“Lena,” Kara says again, more softly.

“Samantha Wahl, Grant O’Hare, and Morgan Russo.”

Kara tries to figure out if those names are supposed to mean something to her.

“Lena, I don’t-“

“They’re dead. Sam had a fiancee. They were going to get married in a month. She had already requested time off. And I didn’t know Grant or Morgan particularly well, but apparently Grant was a father. Two little girls, three and five.”

Kara tries not to let her own devastation show. It hurts enough to know that people, strangers, died on her watch, but learning their names, learning about their lives and families… Kara failed them. She didn’t just fail them, but also everyone else who loved them. But she can’t fix that, as much as she wishes she could, and Lena is still falling apart in front of her and that something that Kara can at least _try_ to fix.

“That’s not your fault.”

“If they didn’t work for me, then-“

“Then maybe they’d be okay. But that’s not your fault. You never made any of them work for you. You didn’t make the shooter come to your building. You did not ask to be taken in by the Luthors. _None_ of this is your fault.”

“I should have had better security,” Lena says, “I should have prepared for this. I should have _known_ that there would be casualties, that Lex wouldn’t stop coming after me.”

Kara is shaking her head before Lena can finish. She sits down next to Lena on the couch and pulls Lena into her chest and hold her tight. Lena doesn’t fight it but her spine remains rigid and her shoulders tense.

“No, Lena. You couldn’t have known. This is _not_ your fault. No one blames you and you should not blame yourself.”

At those words, Kara feels Lena crumble. The tension in her body disappears and she falls into Kara’s body.

“Kara,” she says and she sounds utterly drained.

“It’s okay, Lena,” Kara whispers into her hair. “Come on, you should sleep.”

Kara wishes she could just scoop Lena into her arms like she had earlier that day and carry her to bed, but Kara Danvers shouldn’t be able to do that. So she helps Lena to standing instead, and lets her lean against her as she guides her to her bedroom. Lena grips onto her forearm as if it’s her last anchor to reality.

Kara makes Lena drink some water from the bottle on her nightstand and then tucks her in. She looks tiny amongst the mass of blankets and pillows and the young, vulnerable expression on her face doesn’t help. She looks even more broken than when Supergirl had dropped her off earlier and Kara aches to fix it.

“Kara,” Lena says softly, her voice dipping and cracking. “Kara.”

“What is it Lena?”

“Please…”

Kara shakes her head unsure of what Lena is asking.

“Please, Kara… Stay.”

Kara looks at Lena, really looks, past her tired eyes and pale cheeks and sees fear. It’s not the sharp fear that had flitted across her features when she’d been at gunpoint but a duller, more poignant fear.

“I don’t want to sleep alone,” Lena adds and everything clicks together.

She’s afraid of the nightmares that are sure to come as soon as she closes her eyes. Kara figures that Lena must be almost as used to them as she is. Kara _should_ go home. She _should_ call Alex, who knows better than anyone how to deal with her waking in the middle of the night. She _should not_ subject Lena to her waking up in a panic. But Kara has a hero complex, and it means that she can’t leave Lena behind looking like this even if leaving might be the right choice for both of them.

So she kicks off her jeans and pulls off her sweatshirt so that she’s just in a t-shirt and she slips into bed next to Lena.

“Shhhh, it’s okay,” she says as Lena curls up into her shoulder. “I’m here. I won’t let you go.”

 

* * *

 

_Kara tries not to stomp away. She wants to have the right to be angry at Lena, but she doesn’t. Because Lena is scared and tired and the last few days have been awful. And even without all that, she’s grieving and it’s Kara’s fault. Still, it would be easier to get them out of this situation if Lena wasn’t fighting her every step of the way._

_Kara has a few survival skills. When she and Alex were young, Alex would drag her out to the woods around Middle and teach her the stuff she’d learned with the girl scouts. So Kara knows that to find water she has to search for lower ground and thicker vegetation. The forest floor isn’t flat by any means, and Kara finds a path to follow pretty easily._

_She’s been gone for less than ten minutes, and can hear the trickling of a stream when a gut-wrenching scream sounds from the direction she just came in. She’s up and running in an instant. She dashes back, leaping over tree logs and dodging under branches with near impossible grace in her human state, but by the time she gets back to where she left Lena, she’s gone._


	4. Chapter 4

_Kara has all of half a second to panic before another scream pierces through the forest. Kara follows it immediately, running as fast as she can. The men that are struggling with Lena are weighed down by having to drag her kicking and screaming through the forest and it’s not long before Kara catches up enough to see them in the distance. She pushes what little energy is left in her body into her legs, urging them to keep going._

_They’re dragging her towards a break in the trees towards a clearing or… no, that’s a cliff. They force Lena to her knees and they say something to her and Kara runs and runs and runs. They must hear her as she approaches and turn to glance at her. And then, just as Kara bursts through the trees, about to do whatever she can to stop them, they push Lena and she falls over the edge. Kara watches it happen in slow motion, her eyes locked into Lena’s until she’s out of sight._  

_Kara’s heart goes immediately into her throat and she doesn’t think. She just jumps. She can’t see anything except Lena floundering below her. She may not be able to fly right now, but she’s comfortable enough in the air to be able to maneuver and speed up her dive until she can pull Lena into her arms. And then her instincts take over. She pulls up, like she’s done a million times before and it’s only when Lena gasps and her arms tighten around Kara’s neck that she realizes that she’s not falling anymore._

 

* * *

 

It’s beautiful up here, away from the city. The sky is still tinted red and it’s thick with dust but away from the chrome colored city, nature is still forcing it’s way through the cracks. This area is protected and technically the general populace isn’t allowed to be here at all. The only people to set foot near the reservation in years have been the wardens who keep an eye on the endangered animals. Even Zor-El can’t get in, but he gets permission from the science guild to bring his daughter to look from afar. 

She looks over the dark-colored forest. There isn’t much purple, yellow, or blue in the city anymore, everything tending towards orange and red these days. But Kara sees a forest of color in front of her and it’s like nothing she’s ever seen before. It robs the breath right from her lungs and she gapes up at her father. 

He smiles at her softly, kindly and then begins to describe the plants he knows, telling her about their properties and the homes they provide the animals that Kara knows must be there, but can’t see.  

“Father?” she asks quietly when he finishes. “If all of this is so beautiful, why did we let it die?”

Her father looks down at her and his gentle face turns harsh. The lines running from his eyes, usually a soft reminder of his age, start to look less like wrinkles and more like scars and his blue eyes turn black. 

“Humanity is cursed to take and take and take,” he says and he grabs onto her upper arm painfully. “We will destroy everything we touch and there is nothing you can do to stop it.”

He grabs Kara by the chin and forces her to look out over the forest. As she does, the beautiful colors all turn to red and start to drip as if covered in blood. 

“This is the legacy you inherit, Kara Zor-El. A life of futility and hopelessness.”

His voice is loud and it echoes into Kara’s mind. She tries to struggle, to get free of his iron grip.

She finds herself free of it suddenly as she jolts awake, not on Krypton anymore. Her heart is racing and her breath comes in harsh pants. When she reaches up to brush her hair out of her face, her hand comes back wet with tears. 

“Kara?” 

Kara flinches and realizes with a start that she’s not in her own room or her own bed. If she’d been a little clearer of mind she would have noticed that the sheets are too soft and the duvet is too fluffy and the light is angled all wrong. But as it is, she only remembers where she is when she hears Lena’s voice quiet beside her. 

“Kara,” Lena says and this time isn’t not a question but a silent reassurance. 

Lena’s hand hesitantly finds its way between Kara’s shoulder blades where it rubs comforting circles against the fabric of her t-shirt. Kara has slept over at Lena’s for the last three nights. The first night because Lena begged her to after the shooting and Kara had been powerless to say no. Lena had woken up terrified with tears streaming down her face even before she had fully dragged herself back to consciousness and Kara hadn’t wanted to leave her alone again. The next night, she invited herself over, but Lena certainly had not protested. Again, Kara found herself having to soothe her as she woke up in the early hours of the morning. But Kara had to admit that she got just as much comfort from sleeping in Lena’s bed as she hoped Lena got from her. For the first two nights, she had slept without dreams. She had hoped that maybe she managed to dodge a bullet this time. Apparently, she hadn’t. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lena asks softly.

It’s the same question Kara had asked Lena the last two nights when she’d woken up in cold sweat. Lena had shaken her head and Kara does the same now. 

“Are you sure?” Lena says. 

“Yeah. Let’s just go back to sleep,” Kara replies. 

Lena looks at her skeptically and Kara can see the arch of here eyebrows even in the dark, but she doesn’t put of a fight and instead tugs Kara down so that she can wrap an arm around her waist and press a kiss between her shoulder blades. 

“Sleep then,” Lena says. “You’re safe here. I promise.”

Kara tries to relax but her head is still caught up in her father’s voice on Krypton. It’s a recurring dream that has gotten more and more vivid as the months had gone by. It was based on a real memory of when her father had taken her out to one of the natural reserves on Krypton. It had been one of her favorite memories, one that Kara had cherished as a moment alone with her father in front of overwhelming beauty and life, one that had been tainted after Kara learned about the Medusa virus. Her father was not the shining standard she had held him up to be. Even he, the kindest, gentlest man she had ever known had blood on his hands. 

Kara is beginning to realize that maybe she is as naive as Alex always said she was and people are not as good as she hopes. Her mother was a cold justice, sentencing people who did not deserve it to lifetimes in a timeless prison. Her aunt tried to enslave all of humanity. And humans, the people that Kara is trying so hard to protect, are so quick to hate and destroy. She wants to believe the best in people, believe that there is good even in the worst person, but sometimes it’s just so _hard._

“Kara,” Lena says softly, pulling Kara out of her reverie. “I can hear you thinking. What’s wrong?”

Kara clenches her jaw. She wishes that she could talk to Lena about this. She thinks Lena would be the best to talk to probably. She doesn’t have James’s overinflated sense of justice. Winn is almost as trusting as Kara is. Alex is too protective and she would ignore the conversation Kara wanted to have in favor of trying to make sure Kara was alright. 

But Lena understands losing faith in people. She too has had the rug pulled out from underneath her more than once. She understands carrying the lives of others on her shoulders and having to choose between morality and comfort. But Kara’s not sure how to broach that subject, really cover it, without telling Lena who she is. It’s a problem that’s becoming more and more evident as time goes by. 

It was easy to be casual friends with Lena, easy to just spend time with her and talk to her about CatCo and the weather and not have to worry about actually _sharing_ anything. But they’ve hit a wall in their relationship, one that Kara desperately wants to get over. She knows how to. She has to tell Lena that she’s Supergirl. It should be simple but it’s not. What they have now is nice. Lena likes Kara, cares about her, trusts her, and telling Lena the truth could shatter everything they’ve built. 

“Lena,” she says, rolling over so that she’s facing her. 

It’s dark enough that everything is in shades of gray and Kara wishes that she could properly make out the green in her eyes. It never fails to calm her. 

“What is it Kara? How can I help?”

“Do you believe that people are good?”

“In general?”

“Yeah.”

Lena sighs. She brings a hand up to brush a strand of hair out of Kara’s face and ends up just running her fingers through the light hair that frames her face. It’s comforting and Kara feels herself relaxing a little. 

“I’ve never had the luxury of believing that it could ever be that simple. There is good and bad in every person and I believe that every day people make a choice to be more one than the other.”

“Do you think most choose to be good?”

There’s a pause and Kara is comforted to see that Lena seems to be considering her question seriously and not just brushing it off as a late night morality discussion. 

“I think that yes, most people do choose to be good most of the time. But I also think that the effects of those who choose to be bad often outweighs the effects of those who choose good.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that, every day I meet with ten, twenty people. I pass many more on the streets. I talk to a barista who is polite and kind to me. A gentleman on the street helps me pick up my phone when I drop it. My chauffeur stays an extra hour to make sure I get home safe. They’re all good. But it takes one man with a gun and a thirst for whatever my brother offered him to ruin all of that. I know, intellectually, that most people are good, that most people walking down the street won’t try to hurt me. Many of them would try to help me if they saw me in a bad situation. But because of that man…. I am afraid. He has tainted my view of humanity, of every single person around me. It’s a defense mechanism, to catalogue everything bad so that you can protect yourself from it, but it leads to a fairly dismal world view.”

Kara lets herself think about that for a second. Alex is good, undeniably and wholly. J’onn is good. Maggie is, as far as Kara knows, good. Mon-El can be an idiot sometimes but he’s got good intentions and he’s kind. Winn is kind. James is kind. Cat is not… kind, per se, but the good she does far outweighs the few times she made her employees cry. Snapper can be an ass but he’s not a bad person. In fact, if Kara thinks about it, most of the people she knows are good. And really, seeing as she knows more criminals and violent aliens than the average person, its a good sign that people seem to tend towards goodness. 

But Kara knows it’s not that simple because her father had been good and kind to everyone on Krypton. He had loved his daughter and his family and protected them ceaselessly. He thought he was doing the right thing. 

“What about the people who think they’re choosing the right thing, but it’s actually wrong?”

Lena’s brow furrows. 

“Are you talking about Lex? Because he wasn’t trying to protect people, he was-“

“No,” Kara says quickly before Lena can get too agitated. “I wasn’t. I was thinking about… something else.”

She wants to talk about her father but she… can’t. So she changes topic. 

“Lena? Do you think I’m good?”

Lena sucks in a quiet surprised breath at Kara’s words. 

“Yes, Kara. Of all the people I’ve ever met, I think you might be the most good.”

“What if… What if I was hiding something from you? Something big that you don’t know that could change everything?”

“Did you kill someone?”

“No.”

“Did you cheat on someone?”

“No.”

“Did you hurt someone on purpose?”

“No.”

“Then I’m not sure there’s much you could tell me that would change my opinion of you. Whatever you’re afraid of, you don’t have to be.”

Kara looks intently at Lena and wishes desperately that should could believe that as easily as Lena says it. She knows that Lena is waiting for her to say something, maybe tell her that big secret that she just referenced, but instead Kara just tugs Lena closer and shifts until Lena is curled under her arm and her breath is warm against Kara’s chest. 

“I love you, Kara,” Lena says softly. “No matter what.”

Kara blinks back quiet tears and does her best to fall asleep. 

 

* * *

 

_Kara flies Lena away from the ridge to a somewhat secluded clearing. The moment she puts her down, Lena is hitting her and it doesn’t hurt her physically but it certainly hurts her feelings._

_“Do you mean to tell me that you’ve had your powers this whole time?” she shouts angrily._

_Her voice is shaky and her heart is racing and Kara knows that this is mostly being fueled by left over adrenaline from her fall. Lena is terrified and Kara’s the only person she can take it out on right now. Kara knows, but she can’t stop herself from getting a little angry._

_“No, of course not,” Kara snaps back. “I told you, I solar flared.”_

_“Okay, but now you can suddenly fly when it’s convenient?”_

_Kara looks around her because she can’t look at Lena right now and sighs harshly._

_“No. That’s not how it works.”_

_“Well then if you could enlighten me to how it works that would-“_

_“My powers can be jumpstarted by a big rush of adrenaline. Or rather, the Kryptonian equivalent of adrenaline. A big enough spike reactivates the solar processors in my cells.”_

_Lena blinks._

_“So we could have avoided this if I’d just pushed you off a cliff four hours ago.”_

_Kara shakes her head._

_“That’s not what activated them.”_

_“What did then?”_

_Kara looks down at her feet. She’s not sure she should tell Lena after the way she’s been acting the last couple days but Kara had made a promise that she would never lie to Lena again, no matter what._

_“I thought you were going to die.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Scientists hypothesize that plants on planets with red suns would not be green. Likely, they would be blue and purple, maybe some yellows and in some cases black. Chemicals in the atmosphere and the possible presence of two suns could also affect the color schemes. All in all, it is unlikely that plants on other planets that don't have yellow suns would be red. 
> 
> Link to nat-geo article
> 
> http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2011/04/110419-alien-trees-black-plants-planets-ras-space-science/


	5. Chapter 5

_Lena makes a face that Kara can’t quite decipher._

_“You thought I was going to die and that sparked an adrenaline rush that reignited your powers conveniently so that you could jump off that cliff and save me?”_

_“I didn’t actually know that they’d come back when I jumped,” Kara says._

_“You… you jumped off a cliff on the off-chance that your powers were back to save me but you didn’t know for sure?”_

_“I mean, I hoped. And to be honest, I wasn’t really thinking about whether I had my powers or not. I just knew that I had to save you. I’ve probably gotten a little too used to jumping off of things without thinking about it.”_

_Lena just stares at Kara for a very long time. Her expression can only be described as dumbfounded. Suddenly, Lena straightens, her spine pointing in a direct line up to the sky and her chin raised._

_“Why didn’t you save him?” Lena asks._

_“I told you. I could only save one of you. Lena, I would have chosen you no matter who was on the other side.”_

_Lena frowns._

_“He could be dead.”_

_“I know,” Kara says. “But I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that sometimes I can’t save everyone. I learned that very early on.”_

_“I sense a story there.”_

_Kara swallows and looks up at the sky to see that it is getting truly light out. She itches to feel the sun on her skin because even with her powers back, she still feels drained having not seem the sun in days._

_“When Myriad happened, Non, the guy in charge, took control of James, Winn, and a co-worker from CatCo whose name was Kelly. I was friends with Kelly, not as close as James and Winn, but I liked her and she was always nice to me. Non made all three of them jump off of the balcony of the top floor.”_

_Lena watches Kara with slightly parted lips._

_“I couldn’t save all three before they hit the ground and I chose James and Winn because… they were my friends, my best friends. Because I loved them both more than Kelly.”_

_It hurts to say those words, to quantify her love, to say it as if Kelly was any less deserving of saving because of her personal connection to Kara. It shouldn’t have mattered. It should not have made a difference. But, of course, it did. Kara couldn’t stand to see James and Winn die. She couldn’t. So she’d let Kelly go._

_“I made that choice again today,” she says to Lena. “And I am sorry, but I don’t regret it.”_

 

* * *

 

Maggie accidentally plants the idea in Kara’s brain and Kara can’t let go of it.

Kara had bailed on game night again. The week that she’d spent at Lena’s after the shooting had changed their relationship. It was neither better nor worse, just… more intense and Kara found that she wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. So when Lena called her last minute on Saturday night to hang out, Kara had immediately sent a text in the group apologizing and telling them she’d make it up to them.

She got varying degrees of disappointment from the boys followed by a simple, snarky message from Maggie.

_i can’t believe you’re ditching us for your girlfriend again. make sure to give her a big kiss from me_

Kara hadn’t thought much of the message at the time but when she’d seen Lena that night, she’d joked about it.

“Maggie was making fun of me for ditching them,” she said. “She said I should give you a big kiss from her.”

Lena’s eyes had widened slightly at that and then narrowed playfully.

“Well, what are you waiting for?”

That had left Kara a sputtering mess but she’d recovered enough to press her lips gently to Lena’s cheek.

And now she can’t stop thinking about it. Because Lena’s skin had been soft and her heart had raced and she’d smelled really nice. Kara found herself suddenly picturing what it would be like to kiss her for real, on her lips. She can and simultaneously cannot imagine how her lips must feel (soft, warm, comforting but also something more that Kara can’t put a word to). And the word ‘girlfriend’ plays on repeat in her head. Kara had never really pictured herself with a _girlfriend_ before but the idea of dating Lena isn’t that weird. In fact, after everything they’ve been through, it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

So, Kara does the mature thing and avoids Lena. Alex is overjoyed that her little sister is spending time with her again (Kara almost says that now she knows what it feels like, being forgotten for another girl, but she’s afraid of drawing any sort of parallels between Maggie’s relationship with Alex and her own with Lena). That lasts only about a week though, before Alex comes marching into Kara’s apartment with pot stickers in one hand and a pint of ice cream in the other. She sits Kara down on the couch, points a spoon at her menacingly and says, “Talk.”

“About what?” Kara replies, genuinely at a loss because she’s not sure what brought this on.

“Lena Luthor and why you’ve been avoiding her.”

“What? I haven’t… I have not been avoiding her. You were all complaining that I was spending too much time with her and not enough time with you… so here I am.”

“Okay, so the boys would have believed that lie. I, on the other hand, know you very well, and I don’t believe it for a second. Why are you avoiding Lena?”

“I…”

Alex looks at Kara pointedly, eye-brows raised and lips pursed. Kara _should_ tell Alex. Alex would understand. Alex would support her and love her no matter what. But, Kara doesn’t want Alex to have to support her anymore. All Alex has ever done is support Kara and now she’s happy, she’s got her own life with Maggie. She doesn’t need Kara piling more stuff on.

“It’s nothing, Alex. Don’t worry about it.”

“Kara, I worry about you. Always. So tell me what’s up.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” Kara says.

“What?”

“You shouldn’t have to worry about me all the time,” Kara says. “It’s no big deal. I can take care of myself.”

Alex frowns and her eyes dance in confusion. Somehow Kara’s words served only to make Alex look even more concerned.

“Kara, hey,” she says, her voice tending towards comforting. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing Alex. Really,” Kara says, trying to reassure her sister that she truly is fine.

“Did I do something? Are you mad at me?”

“What? No! Of course not!”

“Then why won’t you talk to me?”

“I don’t want to bother you.”

Alex’s face falls and she jars back a little in surprise.

“Why would… Kara is this because of when I came out and you felt like everything was about you and we didn’t talk about me enough? Because we’ve been talking about me plenty in the last few weeks and I still want to hear about you. I always want to hear about you. Please Kara, tell me what’s going on.”

Kara searches Alex’s face for any sign that she doesn’t mean what she’s saying. But, no, of course not. Alex really cares. Kara feels a bit like an idiot for forgetting that before Maggie, before Lena, before James and Winn and Mon-El and J’onn, it was just the two of them. And at the end of the day, everyone else might leave, the others might find other people they care about more, they might move on, but not Alex. Alex will be there with Kara till the end and nothing could ever change that.

“I think I like Lena,” Kara says quietly. “Like as in… y’know _lik_ e."

Alex’s eyes go wide and surprised and she sits back a bit to process.

“Like you want to date her?”

Kara nods again.

“And… like… kiss her?”

Kara blushes up to her ears but nods again.

“Huh,” Alex says thoughtfully. “I guess, maybe I should have seen that coming. Maybe. You’ve never been into girls before.”

“I mean… neither had you,” Kara says.

“Touche.”

“Plus, I’m still into guys. I definitely liked James. But I also, pretty definitely like Lena.”

For some reason, that makes Alex’s smooths into a smile. She reaches up and plays gently with a strand of Kara’s hair.

“I’m glad you found her then,” Alex says gently. “But that doesn’t explain why you aren’t hanging out with her. Unless… you panicked. Geez Kara… did you panic?”

Kara pouts and wants to shake her head petulantly even if Alex is right. Well, partially right. It had taken Kara two days to come to terms with the fact that she was into girls. Or rather into a girl specifically. But the part she’s still struggling with is the other part. The part where Lena only knows about half her life.

“No… I just… how can I date her if she doesn’t know I’m Supergirl? I’ve already been dying to tell her about it. I want to tell her about my life, and not just the Kara Danvers parts. I want to tell her everything. And what if I _do_ tell her I’m Supergirl and she decides that she doesn’t want to date an alien? Or even be friends with an alien? What if I ask her out and she says no?”

“You should tell her.”

“I… What? I thought it was your job to talk me out of this.”

“Oh, it definitely is, but I care about your secret identity less than I care about you being upset, and you’re clearly upset. Also, Lena has proven herself to be more than trustworthy. So tell her. And if she decides that she doesn’t like that you’re an alien I’ll kick her ass and then Maggie will kick her ass and James and Winn will probably kick her ass too. Well maybe not Winn but he can hack her or something. We’ve all got your back, but I don’t think you’ll need us.”

Kara looks up at Alex hopefully.

“Really?”

“Yeah Kara. Lena looks at you like you’re the fucking sun. She adores you. A small detail like the fact that you’re from another planet shouldn’t change that.”

“You’re sure Alex?”

“Positive sis.”

Kara looks at Alex and it strikes her not for the first time, exactly how amazing Alex is. Even as she sits here on Kara’s couch in a worn henley and munching on a potsticker she looks like Artemis embodied. She is strength and grace and wisdom. And Kara trusts her implicitly. So when Alex says that she has a chance, Kara doesn’t hesitate to believe her.

 

* * *

 

_“I…” Lena starts and then she pauses. “I wish you could have saved him.”_

_“I do too,” Kara replies earnestly._

_“Do you?”_

_“Yes, I never want anyone to die. Not like that,” Kara says. “If I can save someone, no matter how bad they are, no matter what they did to me, I will. I might throw them in jail right after, but I will try to save them.”_

_Lena looks down at her the white sneakers they had her put on when they caged her. They aren’t so white anymore, now flecked with dirt and grime. It feels symbolic. Nothing is as simple as it used to be._

_“I’m supposed to hate you,” Lena says. “That’s what he taught me and that’s what she taught me and I didn’t believe them. You were so good and I_ couldn’t _believe them. But when you left him… I thought, for a second that maybe they were right all along and you were exactly like the rest of them.”_

 _Kara flinches._ Like the rest of them. _Of all the hurtful things that Lena has been throwing her way over the course of the last few hours, this one, the only one said without intention to hurt, stings the most. ‘Exactly like the rest of them’ like Kara is the exception. It feels like Lena is confirming all of her worst fears and, for a second, Kara feels sick. She ducks her head and takes a second to compose herself._

_“I understand,” she says. “We should be getting back to the city. Is it alright if I pick you up?”_

_Lena’s eyes widen at Kara’s tone and Kara can see the gears turning in her head, replaying her words and Lena immediately tries to backpedal._

_“Kara-“_

_“We’re kind of in a hurry Lena. Can I pick you up or not?”_

_“I-yes, of course.”_

_So Kara sweeps Lena up into her arms. She clenches her jaw and pushes up into the sky and tries to ignore now even now, her heart speeds up having Lena close to her like this._


	6. Chapter 6

_The wind makes it hard to talk. In fact, it makes it hard for Lena to do anything other than bury her face into Kara’s neck to avoid tearing up. So maybe Kara flies a little faster than usual on purpose. She knows that there are things that Lena wants to say and she’s not sure she wants to hear them. She's heard Lena argue for her all week. And she'd heard the way her arguments had become less and less impassioned, the way she had slowly started to concede points and let her own point of view be corrupted. Kara had hoped that Lena would stay strong, that despite all the vitriol being poured into her head by the woman she most wanted love from, she wouldn't be swayed. Clearly she had hoped in vain._

_The flight to National City takes half an hour at the rate that Kara is flying. And when they arrive, Kara goes straight to Lena's apartment and deposits her on her balcony._

_"I have to go to the DEO. Alex has to know I'm okay."_

_"Kara, wait. You know that wasn’t what I meant back there. I just meant that there are some aliens who-“_

_"I have to go," Kara says, not at all wanting to hear the way that sentence ends._

_She takes off before Lena can say anything else. In the split second before she shuts off her super-hearing, she hears a quiet sob._

 

* * *

 

Kara walks into Lena's apartment with a will of iron and more bravery than she's ever needed as Supergirl. She'd agreed to dinner and a movie at Lena's and she knew that now was the best time to tell her. Kara had been talking herself out of it for weeks but the longer she she carried her secret, the heavier it got. And the longer she spent with Lena, the more she needed her to know. So, Kara had decided that tonight was the night. 

Lena's apartment is wonderfully familiar. After spending a few nights there, as well as countless dinners and movie nights, Kara is comfortable enough to treat it as her own. So, she doesn't bother knocking, knowing that Lena left the door unlocked for her and that if Kara waits for her to open up like the did the first few times Lena will give her a look and say, "Just come in Kara. We talked about this."

The moment Kara walks in, the hair on her arms stands up. Kara feels suddenly and inexplicably on edge. The apartment is quiet except for some soft classical music playing in the background. Lena likes the peace and quiet after a long day of phone calls and board meetings. Kara can smell herbs and what is most likely chicken cooking in the kitchen. Everything seems normal in the living room, everything neatly in its place. She does her best to try and place whats wrong but nothing seems out of place at all.

It's only when Kara reaches out with her super hearing that she suddenly becomes consciously aware of what her subconscious had picked up on.It’s Lena’s heartbeat, fast and unsteady, and now that Kara is focused on it, thunderously loud. The hair on the back of her neck stands up and something like a chill runs down her spine. She doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t pause to think as she runs into the kitchen. She sees Lena tied up to her chair, gagged, with tears streaming down her cheeks. As soon as she catches sight of Kara, her eyes widen and she shakes her head violently enough that Kara hears her neck pop a little.

Kara takes a step closer and then another and as she does she hears the hum of a machine coming to life to her left. For a second, everything slows down. Kara watches Lena’s eyes widen and Kara follows her gaze down to her foot where she can see the round little red dot of a laser. She follows it back to its source and sees a box, metal and small and making a small humming noise. Before Kara can react in any way, the humming stops and is replaced by a quiet beeping, one that Kara is a little too familiar with. She doesn’t think, doesn’t hesitate at all before throwing her body in front of Lena’s to hopefully protect her from the blast.

But instead of a fiery explosion like she’d expected, Kara is met only by the soft hissing of a gas being released. She glances towards the box and immediately pales. The gas is green and glowing and when Kara makes the mistake of inhaling it _burns_. The nausea hits her as she exhales and she’s powerless to do anything but fall to her knees. She tries holding her breath, but the damage is largely done as the dust particulates in her lungs already threaten to make her pass out. Her body wins the battle over her mind and without meaning to she pulls in a rasping breath and groans immediately as the effects of the kryptonite take hold.

Through the pain she can vaguely hear Lena shouting something, muffled beyond any hope of comprehension by the gag. She uses the last of her strength to look at her and as she fades out, all she can see is the forest green of Lena's eyes.

 

* * *

 

Kara wakes slowly and painfully. There isn’t a single part of her that doesn’t hurt, though she finds that the hurt is definitely concentrated in her head and lungs. She doesn’t even bother trying to open her eyes knowing that unless it is pitch dark on the other side of her eyelids, it’ll be too bright. She tries to manage her breathing, to figure out whether it’s better to take short and sharp breaths or longer softer ones and finds that neither option does the trick. She feels like she should be bleeding in her lungs, her throat and all the way up to her nose. She thinks that she would check to see if she _was_ bleeding if she didn’t have to open her eyes to do so.

“Kara?”

Lena’s voice is soft and hoarse and Kara can’t tell if she’s actually far away or if the kryptonite is dampening her hearing. 

“Kara are you awake?”

Kara knows she should answer, wants more than anything to reassure Lena that she’s awake and okay, but she can’t move, can’t open her eyes, can’t do much else but breathe even when Lena lets out a soft whimper.

“I’m sorry,” she says, softly and to herself, clearly thinking Kara can’t hear her. “This is… my fault. I should have known they would come after me again. I mean, I didn’t know that you were… well, y’know, _her_ … but I let my guard down. After Supergirl, or well, you, saved me I thought I’d be okay. And you were there, every night making sure my nightmares didn’t get to much and I’ve never been happier. So I let my guard down. I’m sorry Kara, that you were dragged into this. I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry. There’s so much I wanted to tell you that I’m sure you don’t want to hear now. I was going to tell you that I-“

Whatever Lena was going to say is cut off by a door opening and two footsteps entering (one short and sharp, the other deep and heavy).

“Oh, stop sniveling Lena. That… _alien_ … isn’t worth your tears or your words. I’ve tried telling you time and time again, but it seems that nothing will get through to you. That’s why I gave up, you know? I’d held out hope for so long that you would come to your senses like your brother did, but after that night at Lex’s cave, I saw that there really was no hope for you.”

Lillian’s voice sounds even farther away than Lena’s had but somehow her words hit more heavily. Kara finds herself trying to rage against the last dregs of kryptonite that have her essentially captive in her own body, but to no avail. No matter what she tries to do, she finds that her body won’t respond.

“You know that she won’t wake up right? The kryptonite gas we gave her was laced with a neuromuscular blocker. That was the whole point of the dust, of course. We didn't want to _kill_ her... not yet anyway, but we couldn't figure out how to deliver the drug to her system. But then we found this device in Lex's store house and well... it took some work to figure out how to keep the drug active while airborne but we managed quite well don't you think?”

“What do you want with her?”

Lena sounds angrier than Kara’s ever heard her. She voice low and dangerous and she thinks that, had she been speaking to anyone other than Lillian, it would have worked to unnerve them a little bit. But Lillian knows her daughter to well to be affected.

“Hmmm, that’s not for you to know. You, my dear, are only here in case she _does_ wake up. The alien seems to have a soft spot for you, lord knows why, and I believe she will be much less inclined to try and escape when you have a knife to your throat, don’t you think?”

Lena growls at her mother but then the heavy boots that Kara had associated with Henshaw move forward and there’s the cracking sound of skin on skin followed almost immediately by a whimper of pain from Lena. That in itself is almost enough to jolt Kara out of whatever weird coma Lillian has managed to put her in, but though she is itching to put herself between Henshaw and Lena, she finds herself irritatingly still.

Lillian clicks her tongue as if she’s disappointed in Lena.

“Really now dear, you should know better. Maybe it’s best if I leave you here on your own for a bit so you can learn some manners.”

She pauses as if expecting an answer but Lena remains silent so with a displeased huff, Lillian turns on heel and and marches out of the room. After the door slams shut behind them, Kara faintly hears Lena exhale in relief and then there’s a gentle hand on her sternum, and though Kara knows that it can’t actually be the case, she feels like it’s just a little easier to breathe.

“I’m so sorry Kara. But I promise you, I _promise_ , I will find a way out of this. I won’t let them hurt you anymore.

 

* * *

 

_Kara arrives at the DEO to find an exhausted Alex, J’onn, Winn, James, and Mon-El all standing around the control center with looks of utter despair. But Mon-El hears her land and he’s running to her in an instant, wrapping his arms around her shoulders in an embrace that nearly bruises her in her still somewhat weakened state. The hug doesn’t last long though because no one can stand between Alex and her little sister for long. Alex’s hug is desperate. She clutches at Kara’s shoulders, nails digging fiercely into the cloth at her shoulders. She’s crying and as Kara wraps her arms around her sister’s familiar frame, she can’t hold back the tears that prick in the corners of her eyes._

_Winn, who had been shifting from foot to foot awkwardly, finally decides that he doesn’t want to be left out any longer and he all but throws himself at Kara. His arm fit awkwardly over Alex’s but his warmth is comforting and the soft words of relief he whispers against her shoulder make Kara’s heart feel like it might burst._

_Of course, the warmth can only last for so long. J’onn clears his throat gently and waits until Winn and Alex step away. It’s all for nothing when James takes the opportunity to pull her in for a hug as well, the whispered words “I missed you,” all he’s able to get in before an annoyed “Mr. Olsen,” cuts him off._

_“I’m done, I’m done,” he says, stepping back with his hands up in surrender and a soft smile._

_“I’m glad to have you back, Kara,” J’onn says. “But we need to know what happened. So start from the beginning.”_


	7. Chapter 7

**The beginning**

_Friday:_

Kara floats in and out of consciousness to the sound of Lena’s voice. She sits just to Kara’s right, her hand placed delicately over Kara’s fingers. Occasionally she’ll trace the lines of Kara’s bones from the tips of her fingers down to her wrists and back up. Kara can barely feel it. She’s not sure if it’s because of the drug or if the pain in her throat and chest is just too overwhelming but the little that she can feel, just the slightest pressure, provides intense comfort.

Lena talks nonsense mostly and Kara’s too tired to really listen but her voice is a soothing balm to everything that is making Kara’s head ache.

“I don’t know if you can hear me,” Lena says. “But there’s been a lot of research done about … coma patients. I mean, I know that you’re not in a coma technically, but whatever is happening with you is similar I think. Anyway, talking is supposed to help. Sometimes they can hear, but other times just having a familiar voice is soothing. And well… it makes me feel better, to pretend that you can hear me and pretend that you’re going to be alright. That we’ll both be alright.”

She talks almost constantly, only pausing every once in a while to catch her breath. Kara falls asleep, or maybe passes out, to the sound of her voice and wakes up to her still speaking time and time again. She wants to urge Lena to sleep, to rest, but she her muscles don’t seem connected to her brain and the best Kara can do is struggle futilely against the dead weight of her limbs.

“The walls are grey, like metal. I’d bet my left foot that it’s lead, or at least lead lined, to block your powers. Does it bother you that I know that? That I know that the dust she had was kryptonite and that it’s from your home planet and that the radiation weakens you. Does it bother you that I know that lead blocks your x-ray vision? Maybe it should… Lex’s research at first wasn’t… It wasn’t supposed to be bad. He was just curious, wanted to know how Superman could even _exist_ , which I understood. I was… god, I hope you can’t hear me right now, I was curious too. So I helped him. I didn’t see it until it was too late…….Anyway, the walls are grey. There’s three cameras that I’ve been able to find. Two in the corners on either side of the door, one right above my head pointing at the door. I tried to see if there was a blindspot, but unless you count the ceiling, they can see everything.”

Lena scoffs at herself lightly.

“I don’t know why I told you that… why would you care about that. I guess, maybe you’d care more about my projects at L-Corp? I don’t want to bore you, but I feel like… I feel like I need to talk so here goes. Right now, the main project we’re working on right now is, well, to cure cancer. After Jack… I owe him that much at least.”

Kara listens to Lena talk about the ins and outs of the project until the soothing cadence of Lena’s voice puts her exhausted body and mind to sleep.

At one point, Kara has no idea when, she wakes up and Lena is silent. Kara thinks that maybe Lena has finally fallen asleep and Kara is suddenly and painfully lonely. She has half a second to panic about being alone with her thoughts and completely unable to move before Lena starts to speak again, almost as if she knows.

“I was in love with you,” Lena says, her voice softer than it’s been all day and a little rough as her vocal chords start to strain. “You probably know that. I don’t think I was subtle.” Kara’s heart leaps in her chest and her fingers itch with the desire to _move,_ to do anything at all, but mostly maybe kiss Lena and tell her that she loves her too. “I used to think that sometimes, maybe, you felt the same. You’d look at me with those eyes… You have beautiful eyes, and they’d be so kind and you looked at me as if I was important.”

 _You are important,_ Kara thinks and she thinks she might cry in frustration at her inability to tell her.

“But you’re just like that aren’t you? You being Supergirl… it makes sense I guess. All of that courage, integrity, heart, and hope. You _believe_ in people. Even if they don’t deserve it.” Kara feels her chest get tighter and she knows it’s not because of the kryptonite. “She, Supergirl, looked at me the same way. I really should have put it together but I guess the things that are closest are the easiest to miss.”

Lena falls silent again, and since Kara can’t do anything else, she strains her ears, hoping for Lena to say anything else. For a while all she can hear is Lena’s breathing, steady and slow. Kara attunes her hearing to it so that she’s prepared when Lena opens her mouth again, a shaper inhale signaling Lena getting ready to speak.

“I don’t… I’m not mad at you for hiding it. I get it. I’m really not mad. Or I don’t want to be. But, you slept in my bed. You saved me and took me home and came to me that night as if you hadn’t just… Kara, I cried in your arms. You saw me broken and you came that night as if you didn’t know anything and you slept in my bed. That’s…” her words cut of suddenly as she gasps, clearly trying to stop herself from crying. “I thought I _knew_ you. And I don’t want to be mad. But I do think I get the right to be mad, if I need to be, right? Just a little.”

Lena falls silent again. She lifts her hand off Kara’s and the next thing Kara knows is that there are fingers threading softly through her hair.

“I really am the worst aren’t I?” Lena murmurs so quietly that Kara can barely hear it. “You’re lying here, unconscious, because of _my_ mother, and here I am wondering if I get to be mad at you. Can we make a deal? If you wake up, I promise not to be mad at you. Not even a little bit. Just please wake up Kara.”

 

_Saturday:_

Kara wakes up suddenly to the sound of the door swinging open again and slamming back against the wall as Lillian and Henshaw let it swing too far. She feels Lena jolt against her. She seems to have moved over as Kara slept so that her thigh was pressed warmly against Kara's shoulder. It’s comforting for a split second before Lena is pulling away and standing.

“Now dear, don’t do something silly,” Kara hears Lillian say. “I don’t want to have Mr. Henshaw here hurt you, but I will if you don’t behave.”

“What are you doing?”

Lena sounds angry and scared.

“Stop it! Don’t-“

Lena’s voice is muffled and Kara can hear what sounds like a struggle before Lena lets out a muffled whine and falls silent.

“Tsk, I did warn you dear. Now, lets get this over with.”

Kara’s senses are still a little dulled but she can feel the needle as it breaks the skin at the inside of her elbow. It doesn’t hurt, not really, but she can feel the pressure as it sinks down into her vein and she can feel the pull as Lillian removes it. Lillian repeats the process three more times until Kara starts to feel a little lightheaded even past her headache.

“Come on,” Lillian says, “We’re done here.”

Lena is thrown carelessly across the room and she hits the wall next to Kara with a thud. Rage boils in Kara’s chest, in her veins. And it burns more than the kryptonite in her lungs. For a second, she thinks she might be able to do it, to get up and slam Henshaw against the wall and fly away with Lena in her arms, but then the door is slamming closed and Kara is still lying completely still.

To her right Lena is sniffling softly. Kara wonders if she’s hurt, wishes she could open her eyes at least just to check.

“I’m sorry,” Lena whimpers, softly. “I’m sorry they’re hurting you. I’m so sorry Kara.”

Kara hears a tearing sound, and then there’s something being pressed to the skin at her elbow.

“It’ll close up on it’s own,” Lena says softly. “But I don’t want to take my chances. She took a _lot_ of blood. I’m so sorry.”

Kara wants Lena to stop apologizing. She wishes she could be the one to apologize. To tell her that this isn’t _Lena’s_ fault. It’s hers. After all, it’s clear that Lillian didn’t want anything from Lena. She had just been a means to an end. The end, of course, being Kara and, apparently, her blood. Lena had only been caught in the crossfire between her mother and the Supers and Kara wishes more than anything that she could tell Lena that instead of having to listen to her tear herself apart.

“Oh, for god’s sake Lena,” Lillian’s voice crackles over the intercom. “Stop sniveling over that… _thing._ Have some self respect.”

“She is not a _thing_ , mother,” and Lena’s voice has the cold and dark cut to it again. “She’s my friend. My _best_ friend and a better person that you could ever hope to be.”

“She’s an _alien_ Lena. She’s a threat to our safety. To the world’s safety. Do you really think she cares about you at all? She doesn’t, Lena. They’re not capable of loving humans. They, her and Superman, think they are above us. They think they are gods, unbreakable and untouchable. How could they ever love a human? Why would she ever love you?”

“You don’t know her. You don’t know _anything_ about her. Kara is kind and selfless. She is better than _any_ human I’ve ever met. Certainly better than you and she… she _does_ care.”

The last few words come out of Lena’s mouth quiet and disjointed. She sounds like she’s trying to convince herself just as much as she’s trying to convince her mother.

“She doesn’t. You remember last year, right? The aliens that tried to take over National City? They almost succeeded. They did not see us as lives worth saving. We were just human and small and _disposable_.”

Kara’s heart pulls with the mention of Astra and Non. She knows that Lillian doesn’t know. Lena doesn’t know either. None of them know that they had been a little misguided, that Non had ended up falling off the deep end, influenced by Indigo after the loss of the love of his life. They don’t know that Astra had been kind and they had been trying to help. Their methods had been extreme, certainly, but they had been propelled by having to witness the death of their own world and being powerless to stop it. Kara wants to hate them, she especially wants to hate Non, but she can’t because she _understands_ and she hates that she does.

“Yes, I remember,” Lena replies. “And I remember that it was Supergirl who saved us.”

“Supergirl and her cousin and all those other ‘good’ aliens that you believe in so much could destroy us on a whim just as easily as they could save us. That day Supergirl was in the mood to save us, but if you recall, only a few weeks before Myriad, she tried to destroy National City. On a whim. Because she felt like it?”

“The news said that she was under the influence of some sort of drug.”

“The news lies. Do you really think you can trust her? We don’t know _why_ Supergirl decided to terrorize the city and we don’t know why she decided to stop but we do know that if she decides to do it again, there’s no guarantee we can protect ourselves.”

Lena exhales sharply in frustration.

“We won’t need to stop her. Kara is sweet and kind and wonderful and the only one terrorizing the city right now is you.”

Lillian scoffs over the intercom.

“I’m trying to save the city and everyone in it. And in time you will see it. I’m just trying to protect you Lena.”

The intercom clicks off and Lena sits back agains the wall next to Kara with an angry scoff.

“She is so _hateful_ ,” Lena says angrily. “I mean I knew that she was terrible, but I keep hoping that she’s not as bad as I think she is, that I’ll wake up and she’ll go back to being the cold and withdrawn mother I used to think she was. But no, she’s literally a crazy murderer, just like my brother.”

Lena falls silent, and the sentiment hangs in the air.

“You’ll stop me, right? If I start… If I do something like that you’ll stop me. If I one day wake up crazy, you’ll lock me away before I can hurt someone, right Supergirl?”

Kara’s fingers twitch. Maybe they twitch. Or maybe Kara tricks herself into thinking they moved because she wants so much to comfort Lena, because her fingers are _burning_ with the effort of not reaching out to touch her. She’s angry at Lillian, angry at Lex, angry at herself. She’s angry at anyone who lead to Lena doubting herself, _fearing_ herself and what she could become.

“I think I will go crazy one day,” Lena says and she seems so resigned to the fact. “But for now I can…. I can protect you. The world needs you Supergirl. It may not need another crazy Luthor but it does need you, so I’m going to make sure you get out of here safe and sound, okay?”

Before Kara can fully process what Lena is saying, she feels Lena’s hands under her shoulders pushing her body up. It’s clumsy. Kara’s torso is dead weight in Lena’s arms and Lena is still sitting so she doesn’t have the best angle. Kara flinches inwardly as Lena’s hand slips a little and Kara almost ends up falling back down. But Lena gets her grip back and the next thing Kara knows, Lena is slipping behind her shoulders, her knees bracketing Kara’s ribs. She shifts and wriggles until she can comfortable position Kara against her chest.

“I don’t know if you can hear me or feel this or if this makes any sort of difference. I don’t know if you get sore or if the ground was starting to hurt your back, but in case it does, I’ve got you, okay Kara? I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”


	8. Chapter 8

**The middle**

_Sunday:_

When Kara wakes up, it isn’t until she tries to move and can’t that she remembers anything is wrong. Her chest isn’t burning anymore and Kara pulls in a few deep and painless breaths and nearly cries with joy. She’d fallen asleep not long after Lillian left to the soft feeling of Lena carding her fingers gently through her hair and whispering soft words in her ear. And right now she thinks that Lena might be magical because her chest doesn’t hurt. Neither does her head for that matter. In fact, Kara can hardly feel anything at all.

Her senses are still dulled and while she can feel Lena behind her, it's barely there, like there’s a sheet of plastic between them keeping Kara from really being able to feel. It feels fuzzy and unpolished like a camera out of focus and without the pain to distract her, Kara suddenly starts to feel claustrophobic in her own body. She starts to feel as if she might be floating away, out of this body that barely feels like it belongs to her and there's nothing for her to hold onto. 

She’s jolted back when Lena shifts behind her and, though she can barely feel her, Kara focuses all her attention on Lena and slowly starts to calm down. Lena’s breathing is slow and steady and though Kara can’t feel the texture of her own shirt, can’t feel the way Lena’s skin should be soft under her fingertips, she can feel the steady rise and fall of Lena’s chest as it pushes against Kara’s back. Lena must finally be asleep, Kara thinks, because it’s even and deep. Kara remembers nights spent at Lena’s apartment, listening to her breathing in hopes of catching and stopping her nightmares before they happened.

She thinks back to those nights and wonders how the hell she ended up here. She’s not used to being helpless. It’s happened a couple times where her strength wasn’t enough - at the start of Myriad, when Alex had been kidnapped - but she’s never been physically helpless like this. Even the first time she solar flared, she’d at least been able to move and walk and do _something_. She’d still been able to help. But right now, she hears Lena’s breathing speed up in the tell-tale way it always does that means she’s locked in a nightmare and Kara can’t do anything about it.

It’s only when Lena starts to shift under her and whimper, clearly trying to escape whatever is going on in her head that Kara gets truly desperate. She presses against the nothingness she feels in her fingertips and suddenly it’s gone. Her thumb and forefinger move just slightly and press down into Lena’s thigh where her hand had come to rest. She presses again, as hard as she can, until Lena is jolting awake.

For half a second it seems like Lena might push Kara off of her in her half-asleep panic. Her hands press against Kara’s shoulders roughly and scrambling to find purchase against Kara's shirt. But then her hands stop pushing and start pulling instead until her arms are wrapped around Kara’s shoulders, pulling her in close.

“It’s okay,” she whispers. “I’m okay. It was just a nightmare. It wasn’t real.”

Despite Lena’s words of reassurance Kara can feel her trembling beneath her, she can hear the way Lena’s breathing still hasn’t returned to normal, the breaths far too short and fast. Kara tries to move her arms, tries to open her eyes but it seems commands from her brain are only being relayed to her fingers so she settles for gently stroking at Lena’s thigh in hopes of calming her. It works, sort of. It doesn’t calm Lena down so much as distract her.

“Kara?” Lena says with a soft gasp.

Kara presses her thumb into Lena’s thigh as a reply. the next thing she knows, Lena’s lips are at her ear.

“Press once for yes, twice for no,” she whispers quietly enough that whatever cameras and such that Lillian has in the room can’t pick it up. “Can you hear me?”

One. Yes.

“Can you move anything other than your fingers?”

Two. No.

“The drug must be wearing off, slowly but surely. Listen Kara, don’t move. Other than your finger don’t move,” Lena whispers urgently. “If Lillian sees you moving, she’ll come in here and she’ll give you more of the kryptonite laced drug. She must have thought that it would take longer to wear off or something. But if she comes back, I won’t be able to protect you and if you can’t move fully, you won’t be able to protect yourself. She _can’t_ know that it’s wearing off okay? Kara? Do you understand?”

One. Yes.

Lena lets out a sigh of relief and buries her face in Kara’s neck. Her next questions come out muffled by Kara’s hair. 

“Are you in pain?”

Two. No.

“Are you scared?”

Kara hesitates.She thinks that maybe the answer Lena wants to hear is no. Then again, maybe honesty is a better course of action now that Lena knows Kara has been lying to her since they first met. She presses her thumb down once.

“Me too… Have I been bothering you? With the talking?”

Two. No.

“Are you sure because I can stop? Do you want me to stop?”

Kara presses her thumb down twice as hard as she can.

“Oh,” Lena says, sounding surprised. “I guess I can keep talking then. Though I’m not sure I have that much else to talk about. Oh god, do you remember everything I said?”

Lena’s words get even harder to hear as she presses her face, now warm and most likely flushed into Kara’s neck. The honest answer is that no, Kara doesn’t remember _everything_. She had been in and out of conciseness and she knows that there’s a lot that she missed out on. But she thinks back to Lena telling her she loved her and telling her about Lex and she thinks that maybe she had heard the parts Lena was most worried about.

She presses once.

“Oh, okay, so that’s… that’s fine… I didn’t actually think you were, y’know conscious. Do you think you could pretend to not have heard any of that?”

Kara presses her thumb down twice.

“Okay, okay, we’ll talk about it. Later, when we get out of here and you can talk we will talk about it. I completely understand if it makes you uncomfortable and you need some space and time.”

Kara presses her thumb down twice as angrily as she can. She _hates_ that they are having this conversation while Kara can’t respond. She knows Lena well enough to know that if given too much time to stew on it, she’ll bury herself in her own uncertainty and fears.

“I… okay, I don’t… I can’t try to figure out what that means right now because you can’t talk or move or do anything and we’re probably going to die,” Lena’s voice trembles as she pulls her head back so that she’s whispering directly into Kara’s ear again. “So, I’m just going to think about something else to talk about.”

“Have I ever told you about my birth parents?” Lena whispers and when Kara presses her thumb down twice into her thigh, Lena leans her head back and continues speaking in a normal voice.

“I don’t remember much of my parents. I was only four. I remember a father, though I know now that he must not have been my actual father since apparently I’m Lionel’s bastard. But I remember a man. I don’t remember his face or his voice but I know that he was tall and I know that he was kind. My mother, I remember more of. Or maybe I’ve conjured her up in my head. I think I look like her. She had dark hair and I think we had the same eyes. I’m probably just projecting... She loved me. She truly loved me, I think. She would sing to me when I cried. I think that was the biggest change with Lillian. When I cried she would just… tell me to go to another room. Sometimes she’d call for the nanny to comfort me, usually she would just leave me there until I was too tired to keep going.”

Kara brushes her thumb against Lena’s skin in what she hopes is a comforting gesture.

“I’d like to know a little more about my birth mother. Lillian forbade me from trying to find out about her and —“

“Why do you insist on caring for that creature?” Lillian’s voice crackles over the intercom.

“She’s my friend, mother,” Lena replies, her voice like ice. “Not that you would understand what that’s like.”

Kara expects a response but nothing comes.

“I’ll be paying for that later,” Lena mutters. “But it’s worth it.”

Not two seconds later, the door to their room is swinging open and Lillian stalks in.

“You are my daughter Lena. And as your mother, it is my duty to protect you and educate you. Now, I thought I did a good job as you grew up, but unfortunately, it seems that I have failed. But I also believe that its never too late to change someone for the better. And since I currently have your full and undivided attention, I believe now would be the perfect opportunity. Listen carefully, Lena, you may learn something yet. You seem to be under the impression that aliens are kind and good and sweet. And I cannot blame you for being fooled, though I would have hoped that you would be a little more discerning. That kindness and goodness is all a front and I’m sure that Miss Danvers here played her role very believably. But, Lena, darling, you must ask yourself why they chose to come here in the first place. After all, they come from planets with much better technology. Planets that they have adapted for and where their homes were. What could possibly make them want to come here?”

Lillian pauses, as if waiting for an answer. Lena shifts in discomfort but eventually she speaks.

“They could be refugees. Supergirl’s planet was destroyed. She had no where else to go.”

“That’s where you’re wrong Lena. She had other places she could have gone. The universe is vast and expansive. There must have been planets nearer to hers that she could have gone to. But no, she chose to come to our planet, a planet where she has powers beyond our comprehension. A planet where she could rule over us very easily.”

“But she hasn’t,” Lena shoots back. “She hasn’t tried to rule over us at all. She’s only saved people.”

“Yes, so far. Since we found kryptonite and now know of a way to destroy her, of course she would pretend to be a hero. To win us over. After all, she may be powerful but if everyone on earth banded together, we could destroy her. So, she saves lives and makes herself a symbol in an effort to make people like her. To convince them not to kill her.”

“That’s not why,” Lena replies.

“Hmmmm, so you say. But what proof do you have.”

“I _know_ her,” Lena spits back. “I know that she is one of the best people I’ve ever met.”

“But you didn’t _really_ know her, did you? She didn’t tell you she was an alien. She didn’t tell you she was Supergirl. She lied to you. She tricked you. She was trying to earn your trust. Having a Luthor in her back pocket would have proved immeasurably beneficial to her. To have all of our resources, and to have someone who was close to her biggest threat… it would have been perfect.”

“She never asked anything of me. She was never anything but a friend.”

“Really? She never asked you anything about me? I seem to recall you mentioning something about a reporter poking around while I was attempting to create the Medusa virus.”

“She apologized and she was just trying to save her friends. I would have done the same thing.”

“Be that as it may, you cannot deny that she used you and your connection to me. I’m sure it won’t be the last time either. But I know that arguing with your blind devotion to this girl will ultimately be fruitless. I know that you are far too enamored with her for me to be able to change your mind so easily. So let’s assume that she’s an exception. That she’s one of the good ones. Why are the others here? You said refugees, but why is our planet such a hotspot for refugees? Why do they all come here? Refugees on earth try first to go to countries better than their own. Why would so many of these refugees end up on a planet that is practically in the stone ages compared to their own?”

“Maybe it’s closer than other options. Maybe, other planets are hostile towards refugees.”

“Maybe. Or maybe they see an opportunity to colonize a planet where the inhabitants, cannot fight back. I’m just trying to avoid that eventuality. Though, we have already seen the effects. Myriad is the biggest example, of course, but there are smaller ones. The attack on the President, the attack last year on Senator Crane. They’re already going after our leadership.”

“Those were isolated attacks. And Supergirl apprehended them.”

“No, Lena. You can’t think that way. You can’t sit around and hope that she will save you. We can’t depend on her or her kind. We need to protect ourselves.”

“You’re a hypocrite. You say that we shouldn’t depend on them but you use alien technology all the time.”

“That’s a weak argument Lena. I know that you can’t be getting much sleep in there but really, you should know better. The technology works regardless of who wields it. And what better way to protect ourselves than to use their own work against them?”

“You’re wrong, mother. You can argue in circles for hours, but at the end of the day, you are killing innocent people.”

“That’s the part that _you_ are wrong about Lena. You assume that all of the aliens out there are like _her._ You don’t know that they are. I am being proactive. You can choose to be _reactive_ if you wish, but by then it’ll be too late. That’s what you don’t see Lena. I’m trying to protect you and I’m trying to protect Lex and all the other sons and daughters out there. And I will do it with or without your approval.”

Lillian waits for Lena to say something, to respond, but Lena has fallen silent. With a huff of self-satisfaction, Lillian marches out of the room. The moment the door shuts behind her, the room falls completely silent. Kara can feel Lena tense against her back. She hears her take a shuddering breath. Kara herself is angry. She’s so angry at Lillian. It’s not the first time she’s heard the rhetoric. It’s not even the first time she’s heard the rhetoric from Lillian, but it doesn’t get any better. To hear someone dismiss her life, the lives of her friends, so casually makes her blood boil.

“I’m sorry, Kara,” Lena whimpers. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

She keeps muttering it into Kara’s ear and Kara is powerless to do anything to comfort her, powerless to do anything but listen as Lena breaks a little more.

 

_Monday:_

Kara wakes slowly, only half aware of where she is. She’s warm and comfortable. Someone is holding her and she thinks it might be Alex, but the shape is all wrong. It’s only when she tries to open her eyes and can’t that she remembers. Consciousness sneaks back in like a cold front. The thought of having to go another day immobile, at the whim of Lillian Luthor, drives her crazy. She feels herself start to panic. It becomes hard to breathe, feels like her ribs are contracting downwards onto her lungs, and all of a sudden, her body is prison and she wants out. She needs to get out, and when she reaches up with her hand to claw at her skin, she’s startled that it actually moves. So startled, in fact, that the panic subsides.

She rotates her hand at the wrist, flexes each of her fingers and feels them curl at her command. She tries her left hand and it responds similarly. She wiggles her toes in her shoes and is delighted. She can even roll her ankles a little. A thorough examination of her body shows that with some effort she can bend a little at the elbows. She can rotate her neck very slightly and move her lips. She discovers that last one when she manages to open her eyes. She has to shut the immediately as the bright light hits her unadjusted pupils but it’s enough to pull a smile out of her anyway.

She slowly blinks until she can open her eyes fully. The room is just as Lena described it to her that first day, though a little smaller than Kara had been picturing it. But when Kara’s eyes catch sight of the security camera over the door, she remembers Lena’s warning and snaps her eyes closed again.

She wonders if this is worse, being able to move, but not being allowed to. She understands the risks, of course. She understands that if she can regain movement then their chances of escape skyrocket. If she regains her powers, then there’s nothing that can hold them. So she has to be patient, and hope that Lena finds a way to keep her sane.

As if she can hear Kara thinking about her, Lena starts to stir.

“Kara?” she says softly.

Kara presses her whole palm into Lena’s thigh.

“You can move more,” Lena says, with soft wonder if her voice. “Can you lift your arms?”

Kara presses her thumb down twice.

“Can you open your eyes?”

Kara presses her thumb down once and is rewarded with a soft gasp.

“Okay, good. That’s good. Keep them closed though,” she murmurs urgently. “I’m just about running out of things to talk about,” she continues in a normal voice. “Maybe… Have I told you about when I was in college?”

Kara presses down a no.

“I wasn’t so different from how I am now I guess, though maybe a little more ambitious and naive. I wanted to save the world. You remember Jack right? We met in our bioengineering class and we immediately became friends… He wanted the same things I did…”

Kara listens attentively, drinking in the story Lena tells of her in another life almost, despite the pangs of jealously she feels every time Lena mentions how much she loved Jack.

“He was my best friend. I… I don’t think I loved him the way I … I mean, he wasn’t ever going to be the love of my life, but he was the most important person in the world to me for a while. He was a lot like you actually. No superpowers but very, very smart. If he hadn’t… if I hadn’t… I think he could have done it. He could have saved so many-“

Lena is cut off by the door swinging open. This time, it isn’t just Lillian and Henshaw who march in. There are too many footsteps for Kara to accurately determine how many there are, but she estimates at least six.

“Wh- What’s going on?” Lena stammers, holding Kara closer to her chest.

“Let go of her,” Lillian says. “Now.”

“No! I won’t. What do you want from her?”

Lillian makes an exasperated sound.

“Lena, let her go. Before I have my men break every single one of your fingers.”

Lena’s grip on Kara’s shoulders only tightens.

“Fine, have it your way,” Lillian says and she must make some sort of signal to her men because all of a sudden, theres a flurry of sound and Kara feels herself being yanked out of Lena’s grip.

The men aren’t careful with her, their fingers press painfully into her skin and she is jostled unceremoniously. She fights every instinct in her body to clench her hands into fists, to open her eyes, to fight back in whatever small way she can. She forces herself limp and hopes that wherever they’re taking her, it won’t be for long. She hears the door slam shut behind her, as she’s dragged out into the hallway.

At first she tries to keep track of the turns that they make as the men drag her down long stretches but she quickly gets lost. The temptation to open her eyes is nearly overwhelming but she remembers Lena’s hand on her arm and her urgent warning to not let them know and she forces them shut. 

Her perception of time is a little off. Having to stay completely still for long periods of time always feels like an eternity. She isn’t sure how long she and Lena have been locked up, though she thinks it could be anywhere from two days to two weeks, and even now, she isn’t sure whether the trek through the halls is two minutes or fifteen but eventually, the men come to a halt. A door swings open, they pull her through, and the next thing Kara knows she’s being laid out on a table. Or at least it feels like a table. 

The backs for her eyelids turn red as a bright light is shined in her face and she hears the familiar snap of latex gloves. Dread pools in her stomach. She’s all of a sudden very sure that this is an exam table and she’s also very sure she’s about to get dissected. She tests her mobility in her arms and legs as subtly as she can while they continue to arrange her on the table but she still can’t lift them and she knows that escape is futile. Her only option, for her sake and for Lena’s, is to lie as still as possible.

“Let’s get started,” Lillian’s voice rings loud and clear.

Kara’s pretty sure she’s never hated anyone as fervently as she hates Lillian.

Lillian sticks a needle into the skin on the inside of Kara’s left elbow and it burns. Try as she might, Kara can’t stop her hand from twitching and she waits with bated breath to see if anyone noticed. But Lillian continues on without pause and Kara tries to breathe evenly. As her blood runs freely through the tube in her arm, Lillian yanks out a few strands of Kara’s hair, pulling them from the roots and Kara bites her cheeks to keep herself from reacting.

She hears some shuffling, her shirt gets pulled up and she feels a scalpel press into the skin of her abdomen and is hit with a wave of relief that she still only has minimal feeling in the area. She feels the pressure, the disconcerting feeling of her skin separating from itself, but only a hint of pain, like her body knows it should hurt, but can’t be bothered to actually feel it. She feels Lillian pressing and pulling at something, but whatever she wanted it’s over quickly. Within five minutes, she’s stitching her up and Kara is relieved that she doesn’t have to endure the feeling another person’s hands inside her body any longer. But Lillian isn’t done.

Four pairs of hands roll Kara’s body up and onto her side. Kara thinks that the strangest feeling in the world might be a needle slipping in between her vertebrae without any pain. She desperately wants to squirm away from the feeling but even if she could move her torso to do so, the hands holding her up were firm. Kara clenches her teeth and hopes that it’s over soon. It is, thankfully, though Kara has to then suffer the removal of the needle, which might feel even weirder than inserting it. Once it is out of the way, the men lower her back down onto the table. 

“Was there anything else you wanted?” Lillian’s voice frays at Kara’s already shot nerves.

“Hmmm, maybe. Not now. Don’t want to kill her yet.”

Kara feels her blood run cold. In some of her worst nightmares, she’s heard that voice in the background. A deranged laugh as the soundtrack to Kal-El’s death.

Lex Luthor should not _be_ here. Lex Luthor should be in high security prison for the rest of his life. Maybe she’s finally gone crazy. Maybe she’s been trapped in her own body for so long that she’s actually starting to hallucinate. She _hopes_ she’s going crazy because the alternative is that Lex Luthor is somehow free and she is lying unconscious on his surgical table, ready for him to do as he pleases.

“Very well,” Lillian replies. “Have her transported back to her cell.”

Hands are on her again, pulling Kara off the bed and dragging her down the hall and though she should be terrified, all she feels is intense relief at not being in the room with him anymore.

The men throw her mercilessly to the ground when they arrive back at the cell and Kara wishes that she hadn’t quite regained the ability to feel her head because it is pounding. Lena’s hands are gentle though when they comb through Kara’s hair and then lower. They dance over her body, checking carefully for signs of injury. When they brush over the bandage on Kara’s stomach Lena lifts the shirt with a strangled gasp and runs her fingers delicately over the stitches.

“Oh, what did they do to you?” she whispers and Kara can hear the threat of tears in her voice.

Kara hears Lena shifting and then she feels her breath soft on her cheeks.

“Kara please. If you can, open your eyes. I’m blocking the cameras. They can’t see you. I just need to know that you’re okay. That they didn’t… Kara please.”

Kara slowly blinks her eyes open and the first thing she sees is the vibrant green of Lena’s. She’s leaning over her, her hair falling in a protective curtain around Kara’s face. Lena breathes out a sigh of relief and Kara feels the reaction in her bones. Hearing Lena talk to her had been reassuring but seeing her, seeing her eyes, and seeing that she’s okay is endlessly better.

“Okay,” Lena mutters softly. “You’re okay. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Lena,” Kara tries to say. It takes her vocal chords a second to start working again but she tries again. “Lena. Lex was there.”

Lena blinks. A series of indescribably emotions flicker across her face until it finally settles on disbelief.

“What?”

“He was there. Lillian was collecting samples for him. Spinal fluid, blood, hair. He’s going to come back for more and I might not survive next time.”

Lena’s expression turns so dark that, for a second, Kara barely recognizes her.

“I won’t let him hurt you, Kara. He’s hurt enough people. I won’t let him lay a _finger_ on you.”


	9. Chapter 9

**The end:**

_Tuesday:_

When Kara wakes up from her nightmare, it’s only Lena, arms wrapped tightly around her shoulder, that keeps her from jolting up. It takes a few minutes of orienting herself away from the blood-soaked world in her dream, back to their cell. She forces herself to breathe, to not open her eyes no matter how desperately she wants to make sure that Alex, James, J’onn’s, and Lena’s bodies aren’t strewn around her. Eventually she’s able to calm herself and she realizes quite unhappily that the incisions on her back and abdomen hurt quite a bit. The unhappiness only lasts a second before she realizes that the fact that she can feel the pain means that she can probably move.

She checks, stretching as inconspicuously as she can, tensing and relaxing the muscles that line her spine. It feels incredibly good to be able to do it. To feel each of her nerve endings and the way they tingle a little with disuse. She aches to stretch properly, to put her hands over her head and curve her back and feel her joints pop, but she forces herself to keep her movements small. She’s pretty sure she’s subtle until Lena presses a hand down against her stomach.

“Stay still,” she mutters.

Kara suddenly doesn’t think she could move if she wanted to. Lena’s hand is warm and Kara knows that this isn’t the right time or place but she can’t help as she feels the warmth spread throughout her whole body. She does her best to not blush. When Lena removes her hand, Kara feels cold. She wants to ask Lena to put her hand back, to wrap her arms around her and hold her tight because that might be the only thing that keeps her from going crazy while she is forced to remain still.

Lena whispers soft reassurances to her, telling her that she’ll keep her safe and that they’ll get out somehow. She doesn’t seem to realize that for the first time since they’ve met, Kara can see through her lies easily. Her voice trembles more with each reassurance and Kara can tell that she is starting to lose hope.

Now that she can move, Kara lets herself try and plan. She knows that getting out of the room in the first place will be difficult without her strength and she has no idea how many guards they would have to get through or where they even are. Neither of them know their way around whatever base they’re being held in or how to get out. Kara had spend the last few days patiently waiting for the drug to wear off but now that it has, she’s not sure it changes anything. They’re still stuck and soon Lillian or Lex will come by to drag Kara off to do who-knows-what to her. She’s not even sure if given enough time she’d get her powers back since she isn’t getting any sunlight at all. 

Fear lodges into her throat but before she can worry about it too much, she hears the quiet click of the door’s lock opening and then soft footfalls entering the room. Kara thinks for a second that this is it. They're going to kill her and even if they don't she knows she won't be able to stay still if they try and biopsy her again. But that fear is quickly replaced by curiosity when she really listens. Whoever walked in just now was quiet, almost tentative, so different from the sweeping way that Lillian enters the room or the heavy thump of Henshaw's boots. Her curiosity only grows when Kara hears Lena gasp a little behind her. 

“Stay the hell away from her, Lex,” she hisses in a tone that Kara’s pretty sure she’s never hear before.

“Lena,” he pleads. “Lena I’m so sorry."

“You’re sorry?” Lena asks. “What are you sorry about exactly? Kidnapping me? Trying to kill me? Escaping from jail? Or is it all the other stuff that you’re sorry for. You know, murder of innocents? Genocide? Extremism and bigotry?”

“I…” Lex says and he sounds lost.

Kara’s never heard him speak outside of his public statements. She’s heard his eloquent and charismatic business-man speeches and later on his inciting and borderline deranged rantings but never this. He’s speaking softly, carefully.

“I didn’t know that mom brought you in too,” he says to Lena. “She never told me. She knew I wouldn’t agree to holding you here. You’re not… You’re not a prisoner Lena, you’re just misguided.”

“You tried to kill me,” Lena says coldly.

“I… no. I mean, I did but that wasn’t…” Lex sounds frustrated. “Mom… she said that I had to, that you would ruin everything that we’d worked for and I was in a vulnerable place and I was scared. I'd just lost everything and I was angry because you didn't come and visit and you testified against me at the trial. But I’ve been talking to the prison shrink and he’s been helping me understand. You were never my enemy Lena. You’ve always been my best friend. I was wrong and I am so sorry for that. I regretted it immediately. I wanted to rescind the order but I couldn’t from jail. When they saved you that day… It’s the only time I’ve ever been grateful for the Supers.”

“Why are you here Lex?” Lena says and her voice has lost a little of its edge.

“To let you out. I put the security cameras on a loop. Mom won’t find out until long after you’re gone and I’ll make sure she doesn’t come after you again.”

“You’re helping me escape?”

“ _Yes_ , Lena,” Lex says and he’s starting to sound more exasperated than anything. “But hurry. Mom is currently preoccupied with other matters but that won’t last forever.”

Kara wonders if it’s a trap. It kind of feels like a trap except that Lillian and Lex already have the upper hand. They don’t need to set a trap for someone who has already been caught. Still, Kara lies completely still and waits for some sort of sign.

"I'm not leaving without her," Lena says steadily.

"I don't want to argue about this, Lena. We don't have the time. Mom won't want to let you go. This is your only chance at escape. Surely, that alien isn't more important than your life."

"She is," Lena replies without hesitation. "And I will go with you, but only if I can bring her."

"She's dead weight!" Lex all but yells. "She'll only slow us down. Leave her and let's go."

Kara considers her options quickly. She doesn't think they'll have a better opportunity than right now. There's a small chance that this is a trap and revealing that she's conscious will result in more kryptonite-laced drugs. But is she willing to risk Lena's freedom and safety on the chance that she's wrong? The answer is obvious before Kara even thinks it.

"That won't be an issue," she says, sitting slowly.

Her voice is scratchy from disuse and she didn't realize exactly how sore her neck was until she moves it. The ache is foreign to her. When she blinks her eyes up at Lex he's gaping at her.

"What? How?"

It's the most flustered and surprised she's ever seen him and it has a startlingly humanizing effect on him.

"The drug has been wearing off since day one. We were just waiting until it had worn off completely," Lena says cooly. "Your timing is spot on. Now we can go."

Lex doesn't move for a very long time. He regards Kara closely and she does her best not to flinch under his steady gaze. He looks a little different from how Kara remembers. He is pale and gaunt and very, very, thin. He looks a little broken and Kara has to remind herself that he's still arguably the most dangerous human in the United States.

"I knew your cousin," he says. "He was the best man I knew, or so I thought before I learned that he's not a man at all. Now, I know that he's just a disgusting hypocrite and you are no better."

Kara glares at him, and considers retorting but Lena places a placating hand on her arm before it gets out of hand.

"I'm not leaving without her Lex," Lena says sharply. "So make your choice. Do you hate her more than you love me?"

Lex looks like he’s going to bolt, like he’ll walk out of the room, slam the door behind him and tell Lillian to flood the room with Kryptonite. His eyes dart nervously from Kara’s face to Lena’s before finally he grimaces.

“Fine,” he growls.

Lena lets out a nearly imperceptible breath of relief and she stands up quickly, helping Kara to her feet. Kara stumbles awkwardly as her legs threaten to give way. Lena catches her arm and pulls her close, keeping her from falling to her knees.

“Are you okay?” Lena mutters.

“Yeah,” Kara replies. “Just… weak I guess. Let’s go.”

Lex glances back at them unhappily but doesn’t say anything about the way his little sister’s arms encircle the alien. They follow him quietly as he starts to make his way through the compound. It’s large, Kara notices immediately. The hallway that they’re in is probably three hundred feet long and it’s got doors at either end, indicating that it probably continues on father than they can see.

Lex leads them down the hall to a staircase that he unlocks with the swipe of his card. It blinks green and they go up three flights of stairs before Lex stops them.

“Okay,” he whispers at the top, looking only at Lena as he speaks. “I couldn’t clear out this level because it’s the main floor, but in,” he glances at his watch, “two minutes an alarm is going to go off down the hallway. I’m going to go out first, okay? I’ll stall them and make sure all the guards are out of the hall. You wait five minutes and go right. Just go straight until the end and you’ll see the doors to the exit. There are a bunch of cars off to the left. Follow the road and it’ll get you to highway 85. Okay, Lena?”

Lena looks at Lex and something crosses her face. She steps forward and pulls him into a tight hug, curling her fingers into the back of his shirt. He hugs her back just as tightly, burying his face in her neck.

“I’m sorry, Lena,” he mumbles. “For everything. I’m so sorry. I love you. I always have and I always will.”

Lena hugs him even tighter for a second and then they’re pulling apart. Lex glances at Kara and Kara sees unshed tears in his eyes for a second before his expression hardens.

“I am letting you go now, but don’t go thinking that this is over, _Supergirl_. You are still a threat to humanity and if I ever hear that you hurt my sister in any way, I will be your downfall. That’s a promise.”

Kara glares at him, but he just turns away and goes through the door, closing it behind him. Then they wait. Without her x-ray vision, Kara can’t see through the door to be able to tell whether Lex’s plan has gone well (or if he’s double-crossing them) and they can’t hear much at all coming from the hallway.

“We just have to trust him,” Lena whispers to Kara, who does her best not to roll her eyes.

Trust Lex Luthor wasn’t exactly high on her list of things she ever wanted to do, but unfortunately it seemed she didn’t really have a choice.

“Kara,” Lena whispers as they approach the five minute mark. “I love you.”

Kara blinks at her, her jaw dropping slightly.

“I love you,” Lena says firmly. “I know you said you could hear me, so you probably heard… before, but I wanted to say it to you now, when I know you can hear me and when I can see those beautiful eyes of yours. I love you.”

Kara is frozen for a second before she lunges forward, a little too eagerly maybe, and pulls Lena into a hug so tight it almost hurts her chest. Lena’s arms slip around her immediately and cradle her closely.

“I love you too, Lena. When you said it before I wished more than anything that I could _move_ , because you were doubting that I ever could.  _I love you_ , Lena Luthor.”

Lena pulls back from the hug just enough so that she can look into Kara’s eyes. She seems almost blindsided by the confession, her eyes wide and disbelieving, but whatever she sees in Kara’s eyes must be enough because she leans in an presses her lips desperately to Kara’s.

Kara can’t quite believe it’s happening but she responds eagerly. Lena’s lips are warm and soft and so, so gentle, even in their desperation and eagerness. It’s the best feeling in the world. Kara thinks that she’d give up flying just so she could have this feeling for the rest of her life. But as much as she wishes they could continue, wishes she could push Lena up against the wall until neither of them could breathe, now is not the time. They pull away, flustered and blushing.

“We should… we should get going,” Kara coughs out and Lena nods.

She slips her hand into Kara’s and pushes open the door.

The moment she does, Kara hears the tell-tale sound of about twenty guns being cocked and she catches sight of the guards standing around them in a semi-circle. She steps in front of Lena automatically before remembering that she isn’t bulletproof at this moment. She's not sure it matters. For a second she thinks that Lex betrayed them until she sees him kneeling with a broken lip at his mother’s feet, cradling his arm against his chest.

“Can you imagine my surprise,” Lillian says, her voice dripping with contempt, “When I realized that I have not one traitorous child, but two? Lena, I must say, was hardly a surprise. You've always been somewhat of a disappointment. But Lex… My darling boy. Hmmm, it does not matter. He will be much easier to reason with, I believe. But you two have been more trouble than you’re worth.”

Kara’s blood runs cold. She knows that they no longer had any use for her alive. And she knows that now that they've tried to escape, Lena will probably suffer a fate similar to hers. Kara steps back, pressing her body into Lena’s hoping to serve as some sort of shield to protect her. She knows its pointless but she doesn’t care.

Lena grips at her biceps painfully, holding her close. Kara looks back at her. Her eyes are wide with fear but as she looks at Kara they soften somewhat.

“I love you,” she whispers. “Those aren’t so bad for last words, are they? I love you, Kara.”

Kara glances around them Lillian’s men cock their guns. She wants to tell Lena not to talk like that, wants to tell her that it’ll be fine and that they’ll live a full and happy life together. She wants to believe that herself. Her life flashes before her eyes but it’s not the life up to this moment. It’s a future that could have been in a house maybe, with some kids running around. Lena kissing her when she came back from patrol. Kara visiting Lena at work with lunch in hand. She sees everything they could have had and it breaks her heart.

“I love you too,” Kara replies thickly, tears making her throat close up a little.

“Lena,” Lex groans suddenly, startling everyone who had forgotten he was there. He’s clearly in a lot of pain and Kara feels a flash of sympathy before she remembers who he is. “I love you as well. I’ve always loved you and I will always love you. You were the best thing in my life, and I’m sorry I left you behind.”

Lena looks down at him and Kara watches her, because for a second she looks so young and vulnerable. She looks like she wants to run right into Lex’s arms, but she doesn’t. She stays, in Kara’s tight grip and just stares.

“Supergirl,” Lex says, and Kara jolts in surprise that he’s addressing her at all. “Keep her safe. Promise me.”

Kara doesn’t want to promise him anything, especially since the last time she heard that word from him it had been in the form of a threat. But promising to take care of Lena isn’t something she has to do at all. It’s second nature, so she nods and Lex smiles and slumps in what looks like relief.

“That's enough!” Lillian shouts. "Kill them!"

“Not so fast, mother," Lex says. "Remember, you’re the one who taught me to always have a back-up plan."

Lillian’s eyes widen in surprise.

The next thing Kara’s knows, she’s being rocked back by an explosion. She hits the wall behind her hard enough to knock the wind out of her and is shaken for a second. Her ears are ringing and as her vision clears she sees only smoke. It becomes immediately clear what Lex was hoping for. Kara grabs Lena’s hand and starts to drag her down the hallway. Lillian’s men had been closer to the explosion so they’re slower to get up and start moving, but Kara and Lena aren’t even out of the building before they start to hear gunshots ringing out behind them.

“Lex!” Lena shouts and she twists in Kara’s grip as if to run back to him. “Kara! We have to go back. He’s my brother. Kara, please.”

Kara tightens her grip and pulls.

“We can’t Lena. I don’t have my powers and you’re just human and they have guns and bullets. If we want to escape we have to go now.”

Lena tries to yank her hand from Kara’s grip. She pushes against Kara’s chest but even without her powers, Kara is able to hold on.

“We have to save him. He risked himself for us, we _owe_ him. Kara, _you_ owe him.”

Kara shakes her head. She understands. She does. She remembers holding Astra in her arms as she bled out. She remembers what it feels like to lose a family member forever when she was on the verge of getting her back. She knows why Lena wants to go back. But she can’t let her. She can’t risk Lena’s life for Lex’s not matter how much he might have changed.

“We can’t go back, Lena,” Kara replies. “He wouldn’t want that!”

Lena stops fighting for a second.

“He wouldn’t want us to go back and get captured or killed after everything he did to get us out. Okay? I promised I’d protect you and it’s a promise I intend to keep.”

She doesn’t wait for Lena to respond before she pulls her the rest of the way out of the smoky hallway. As soon as they’re outside the air is clear and Kara sees guards on all sides. They’re disorganized and confused so Kara runs straight ahead and hopes that she and Lena can get past them. She looks to the left to where Lex said the cars would be and sees a wall of guards. So Kara instead she heads straight until she and Lena plunge into the forest. She hears a hail of gunfire shatter through the night behind them but they’re already far enough into the cover of the trees that none of them hit their mark.

She tugs Lena along behind her and hopes that they can get home in one piece.

* * *

_"I got my powers back after jumping off a cliff and then I flew us back," Kara says. "I left Lena at her apartment and flew straight here."_

_J'onn and Alex glance at each other, having one of their little conversations that Kara can never really follow. Whatever conclusion they come to, Alex seems to win because J'onn sighs and takes a step back._

_"So... what now?" Kara asks._

_"Well, first of all you shower," Alex says, scrunching up her nose._

_Kara is startled by her own laugh. It feels like months since she last laughed._

_"And then, you're going to get under those sunlamps and sleep for approximately a month and a half. Okay?"_

_Kara wants to argue but the night is catching up with her and she finds herself nodding despite herself. The idea of sleep is so compelling that she almost closes her eyes right then and there. She lets Alex drag her to the showers and peel off the clothes that Cadmus had put her in, now caked in mud and smelling of sweat and smoke. Kara steps into the shower and lets the water run over her body for what feels like a short eternity, long enough for Alex to ask if she's alright, before she grabs the shampoo and lathers it into her hair._

_When she's out and dry and in a DEO t-shirt and a pair of Alex's training sweatpants, she collapses into Alex's side and lets her all but carry her to the sunlamps. Her eyes are closed the moment her head hits the pillow and she only catches the first half of Alex's 'Sleep tight,' before she's asleep._

 


	10. Chapter 10

Kara wakes slowly under the sun lamps. She’s warm and comfortable in sweatpants and a t-shirt and she debates rolling over and going right back to sleep, but remembering why she’s in the DEO instead of home, she forces herself to open her eyes and take stock. Alex is asleep in a chair next to the bed with her head tucked into her arms, resting by Kara’s thigh. She’s still in full tactical gear and Kara has a feeling she didn’t mean to fall asleep. 

Her super-hearing tells her the DEO is mostly quiet which means that it must be late enough that only the night shift is here, but other than that she has no clues as to what time it is nor how long she's been unconscious. Her first thought is of Lena. Lena who doesn’t have a sister asleep by her bed. Lena who doesn’t have a whole organization at her back dedicated to making sure she’s okay. Lena who doesn’t have fifteen texts waiting for her from Winn or James. 

Lena who also maybe isn’t as comfortable around aliens as Kara would like. Who has a legacy and family that wants her dead and Kara’s never cared about that before except now she wonders if Lena is truly as free of them as she likes to pretend. Lena who Kara is in love with… and who can break her heart in an instant with a well-placed word. 

Kara itches to go to her, to make sure she’s okay, to make sure she’s sleeping and eating and doing all those things she forsakes when she’s upset. Kara is also terrified. She knows when she sees her they’ll have to talk and she’s afraid of what Lena will say. There are some things she doesn’t think she could stand to hear. So Kara forces all thoughts of Lena out of her mind. 

She sits up slowly and immediately becomes aware of a much more pressing problem. She groans against the gaping emptiness in her stomach. She vaguely remembers food being given to Lena but in her unconscious and immobile state Kara hadn’t been able to eat and she had been far too preoccupied with other aches and pains to worry about it. But now, safe in the DEO, and with her powers back Kara thinks that maybe she’ll pass out if she doesn’t eat right now.

Switching off the sun lamps as she goes, Kara walks around the bed and lifts Alex up carefully. Alex can sleep like the dead when she’s tired and she barely stirs when Kara deposits her gently on the bed. She brushes away a few strands of hair that fell across her sister’s face and feels a sudden shock of guilt at the worried lines of her expression and the bruises under her eyes, apparent even as she sleeps. 

Kara writes a note, scribbling on a piece of paper she finds in lying on a table that she’s hungry and she’ll be back once she’s eaten. With a final glance backwards, she slips out.

She likes the DEO at night. It’s quiet and calming. Without immediate crises all the time, it feel more like a normal office building than a secret government organization that fights aliens. Kara likes seeing glimpses of what the agents are like when they are sleepy and vulnerable, when they think J’onn and Alex and Supergirl have gone home and they act more themselves. 

She pads into the DEO control center on bare feet. The agents there eye her tiredly for a split second before the realize who she is without her suit and they snap to attention. 

“It’s good to see you on your feet, ma’am,” Agent Demos says, his voice soft as he tries to pull himself fully to wakefulness. 

“Thank you,” Kara replies. “I’m starving though. Is there any food here?”

Demos grins at her. 

“We figured you might be hungry when you woke so we ordered a few pizzas,” he says and he bends over next to his desk and picks up four boxes, sliding them over the control center towards Kara. 

“We didn’t keep them heated but we figured that wouldn’t be a problem for you, ma’am,” Agent Carleton adds. 

“Oh,” Kara says and she knows that it’s breathy and so, so grateful. “Thank you so much.”

The Agents grin at her and then excuse themselves to get back to their work as she aims her heat vision at the pizza. She eats the first one, a meat-lovers, without taking a breath. She slows down when she no longer feels like her stomach is going to eat itself. 

“What did I miss while I was away?” she asks the agents. 

“Nothing much,” Agent Marquez responds with a shrug. “We were mostly busy trying to get you back.”

“There was that Rigellian family that landed. They made a bit of a mess downtown before we were able to bring them in and calm them down. Apparently they’d been sent here against their will by a dictator on their planet. It’s hard to tell because we only have limited records of their language. But we’ve got them up in a house in one of the nearby alien communities and we’re keeping an eye on them.”

Kara smiles. She likes stories like those, ones where the aliens end up safe and happy in the end. She hadn’t heard enough of them growing up, and certainly working with the DEO most of her alien encounters tended to be a little more… unsavory. She makes a mental note to figure out where they’re living and go and visit them. She doesn’t speak Rigellian but there’s a neighboring planet that Krypton had been friendly with that speaks Kovernian. Hopefully they’ll be able to communicate. 

“What did you find out about our capture?” Kara asks, as she finishes her second pizza. 

“Nothing much to be honest,” Agent Arya says, glancing at her nervously. “It took a few hours before we realized anything was wrong. According to what we found, Miss Luthor’s security cameras had been shut off at around 6 on Friday evening. According to her phone’s GPS, she entered the building not long after. You entered the building just before 7. We didn’t find out anything was out of the ordinary until we got reports from Miss Luthor’s security team who had finally regained consciousness. We went to her apartment, recognized the Kryptonite readings, as well as your handbag and we figured that you had been kidnapped.”

“At first… um… well,” Agent Arya pauses and glances around at his fellow agents who all turn back to their computers as if they had important work to do. “Well, at first Director J’onzz assumed that you had been kidnapped by Miss Luthor.”

Kara feels a flash of something hot in her chest and she knows it’s anger, but she does her best to keep it off her face. It’s easy to tell that these agents know exactly how she feels about that statement because they pause and wait for her to react. She takes a breath and then nods, signaling to Agent Arya that he should continue. 

“Agent Vasquez spoke to her secretary, I believe her name is Jessica.”

“Yes, Jess,” Kara confirms. “I know her.”

“Well, she told Agent Vasquez that Miss Luthor had her own security system that wasn’t part of the building’s overall security network and that was instead tied directly into L-Corps networks, making it much harder to overwrite even if Cadmus had known about it. So we went and looked at those tapes and we discovered the truth: that Miss Luthor had been kidnapped along with you. Hank Henshaw was the one who removed you and Miss Luthor from the premises and we tried to track where he went but he seems to have vanished. Cadmus planned the op very well.”

Kara nods. She knows that Cadmus had been too quiet, that the videos they had released had only been distractions, requiring few resources and little planning. They must have been thinking about how to capture her for some time. 

“After that, it was nearly impossible to do anything,” Agent Arya continues. “We scanned as far as we could for any kryptonite signatures we could and we used every resource we had but Cadmus… they’re well connected. The resources they have are, frankly speaking, astounding. We kept waiting for something — a ransom request, a video, anything — but it never came. The moment they had you, Cadmus went underground entirely. Every operative we had a location on, disappeared. I thought Agent Danvers was going to-”

Agent Arya stops abruptly but it’s not hard to imagine the state that Alex had been in. Her fierce protectiveness combined with her stubbornness meant that she would not have let go. She would have yelled at anyone she thought wasn’t working hard enough, and she would have threatened a few more. Kara sighs, reaching for the fourth pizza. She wouldn’t give up being Supergirl for the world but she does wish she could do it without worrying her sister as much.

She’s so lost in her pizza and trying to convince herself not to be guilty that she doesn’t notice the agents passing meaningful glances to each other until they stop and all turn to look at her. She glances at them quizzically, wondering what they could possibly want. 

“And then…” Agent Carleton adds slowly. “Well, about twenty-four hours after you were kidnapped, we got reports that Lex Luthor had escaped from prison. It’s still unclear as to how, and who helped him but… we thought the two might be connected.”

“They were,” Kara says. “He did some experiments on me at the facility and then he helped me and Lena escape.”

The agents’ jaws drop collectively and Kara does her best not to laugh. It’s not funny… except it kind of is. She’s about to explain more when a gruff voice behind her interrupts her. 

“Supergirl, please stop distracting my agents. They have an important job to be doing.”

J’onn is standing with his arms crossed looking at them reprovingly but Kara knows he doesn’t mean it. Still, the agents turn back to their computers, chagrined. 

“How are you feeling?” J’onn asks. 

“Now that I’ve eaten? Good as new,” Kara replies with a shrug. 

J’onn nods. 

“We traced your steps and we found the base they were holding you at. We suspect that by now Cadmus will have moved on to another location but we’re putting together a team right now to go and check it out.”

“Alright,” Kara says. “I’ll suit up and be ready to go in five minutes.”

J’onn shakes his head and presses a hand down on her shoulder to keep her from standing. 

“That wasn’t an invitation. You’re not going anywhere near Cadmus ever again if I can help it. Regardless, we need you here for something.”

Kara perks up immediately. 

“Is there Supergirl business you need me to attend to? A mugging? Bank robbery?”

“No,” J’onn replies. “We need you to talk to Miss Luthor.”

Kara tenses under his hand and she knows that he must be aware of it. His eyes narrow curiously but he doesn’t question it. 

“She has ignored all of our attempts to reach out and we need her input on their operations. She knows her brother and mother better than anyone else. We need to know what they were planning and-“

“J’onn,” Kara interrupts. “Please tell me that you haven’t been harassing her right after she got back. I only just woke up. At least give her twenty-four hours to get settled again.”

“We don’t have twenty-four hours,” J’onn growls. “The longer we wait, the farther away Cadmus gets and the more they can plan. We’ve been chasing them since we first learned about them. We’ve always been three steps behind and while we may have been able to stop some of the worst disasters, the only time we had the drop on them was when Miss Luthor helped us with Medusa. I know that you… care for her, but we need her if we’re going to stop them once and for all.”

Kara glares at him but it’s like glaring at a brick wall and eventually she sighs. 

“Fine,” she says. “I’ll go talk to her.”

J’onn eyes her critically and Kara knows that he can’t read her mind, but sometimes his expression is so _knowing_ that she wonders.

“Be safe,” he says. “I’ll see you later.”

Kara nods and watches him walk off. She should go see Lena, but she should wait till a reasonable hour. It’s not the middle of the night anymore, she realizes as she looks out the wide windows of the DEO overlooking the city that the sun is starting to peek out over the horizon, turning the sky soft pinks and gentle blues, but it’s still early.

She should still wait a few hours at least, until business hours. And she should probably go as Kara… maybe. Maybe Supergirl would be better because then she could just go in through the balcony and not have to deal with seeing Jess. But maybe it would be better if she went through the more professional channels. Kara exhales angrily. She hates how much she’s overthinking this. It’s Lena and… it shouldn’t be this hard. 

The edges of her hearing catch Alex stirring two floors down and Kara grabs the last piece of pizza and eats it as she walks. When she enters the room, Alex is blearily reading the note that Kara left on the nightstand. She looks up, somewhat dazed when Kara walks in. 

“You smell like pizza,” she complains when Kara clambers onto the bed next to her but she lets Kara settle against her chest. 

“Sorry,” Kara replies a little sheepishly. “I was really hungry.” 

“I can imagine,” Alex says softly, carding her fingers though Kara’s hair. “I don’t suppose they fed you much while you were in there.”

“Nothing at all,” Kara replies grumpily and Alex chuckles softly at her tone. 

They lie side by side in silence for a bit. 

“Nothing at all?” Alex asks, carefully. “Five days and they didn’t feed you _anything_?”

Kara shrugs. 

“I was unconscious most of the time. At least as far as they knew.”

“Kara…”

“What?” 

“Did they hurt you?”

Kara squirms in discomfort against her sister’s side. She doesn’t really want to talk about this. Alex will just worry and she doesn’t need to because Kara is fine. She’s totally and completely fine. 

“I guess,” she says. “It wasn’t that bad though. I mean, I’m all healed up now.”

Alex tilts her head back so that she can look at Kara’s expression. Whatever she finds calms her down a little but the worried lines between her eyebrows don’t fade entirely. 

“You’re alright though?” Alex says eventually. “Like, now that you’re here and now that you’ve eaten _four_ pizzas, you’re okay, right?”

Kara nods. 

“Good,” Alex says, pressing a kiss to the crown of Kara’s head. “We’re still going to talk about this, but… later.”

Kara lets herself lie there for as long as she can before the guilt starts to creep in. 

“I have to go see Lena,” she says. “I was… mad at her… or scared or something. I don’t know. But I left her on her balcony and I flew away and I need to go see her.”

“What were you scared of?”

“I’m afraid that she doesn’t like aliens… I mean, not that… not that she hates them or anything but that she doesn’t trust them. I think she’s afraid of them.”

“She’s not afraid of you, though,” Alex says. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Kara snaps. “It doesn’t matter if I’m the exception. I don’t _want_ to be the exception. I can’t… I need her to trust all of us. Or not… not every single one of us, but I need her to not be afraid of us as a group… y’know? Obviously there are bad aliens that she should be afraid of, but the others… like the Rigellian family that just landed. I need to know she’s not scared of them.”

Alex hums and Kara feels the vibrations in her whole body. 

“You have to talk to her,” Alex says. “She grew up around the worst of the worst. And as much as I wish we could forge our own destinies, escaping how you grew up is hard. It’s possible, of course, but it takes work and with a family like the Luthors, who knows if it’s even possible.”

Kara thinks about it and then sighs. She wishes she didn’t have to wait or hope. She wants everything with Lena to be easy, simple. But as much as she wishes it were easier, she doesn’t want to lose Lena. 

“Kara, listen,” Alex says softly. “From everything you told us about what happened, she loves you. There might be some stuff she has to work through but if she loves you as much as it seems she does, she will do _everything_ she can to become the person you need her to be.”

Kara ponders Alex’s words carefully and they settle comfortably in her chest. There’s truth in them and it calms all of the thoughts in Kara’s head telling her not to let herself get hurt. 

“Trust her,” Alex says. “Trust her and everything will work out.”

Kara nods and presses a kiss to Alex’s shoulder. 

“I love you, Alex.”

“Love you too, sis. Now let me sleep a little more. I’m exhausted and you’re very warm.”

Kara chuckles softly and burrows a little more into Alex’s side and lets herself slip into unconsciousness. 

 

* * *

 

_Lena watches Kara fly off and she feels a sinking hollowness in her chest. She only lets herself step away when she can no longer see her fading shape on the horizon. After the adrenaline rush of the last few days everything seems to move slowly as Lena opens her balcony door, makes her way to her bathroom and peels off her clothes. She moves entirely on automatic, turning the knob on the shower to exactly where she likes and stepping in and letting the water run down her body. It seems to wash off more than the dirt on her body and takes at least some of the weight of the last few days._

_She tilts her head back and closes her eyes but she immediately forces them back open. Kara’s expression after Lena had implied that all aliens were dangerous is printed on the back of her eyelids. The way she’d pulled away, just slightly. The way her posture had immediately gone stiff and professional. Any notion Lena might have had that Kara didn’t like her, that she didn’t trust her fully before went out the window. Kara had never looked at her like this. In all the time they’d known each other, every time Lena had worried that her last name would ruin things between them, Kara had never been anything other than open and trusting. And Lena had ruined everything._

_After that sinking realization, Lena hurries to finish her shower, stepping out and toweling off as quickly as she can. She’d like to sleep, to descend into unconsciousness so that she doesn’t have to think about anything, but she knows even before she tries that it’s futile. Every time she closes her eyes, blinks, she sees Kara, hurt and betrayed. So she gets dressed instead, slipping into her work clothes and calling her driver to get to the office. While she waits, she checks her phones._

_Her work phone is overflowing with messages. People from the board getting increasingly irate as she does not answer their questions and people, mostly from her publicity department, wanting to know what the hell they’re supposed to say about the public appearances she’s missed. She reads through each one, cataloging them meticulously, deciding which need answering and which she can ignore for a little longer._

_Her personal phone, sadly enough, only has messages from one person, but they are numerous. Jess seems to have worked herself into a near panic when Lena didn’t show up for work the next day. The last text message Lena gets from her appears exactly twenty-four hours after Lena’s disappearance and it simply says ‘I’m calling the police’._

_Lena calls Jess. The phone rings once before Jess is picking up._

_“Miss Luthor?” she asks, her voice breathless, surprised, and hopeful._

_“Hello, Jess. I-“_

_“Oh my gosh, Miss Luthor. I was so worried. When you didn’t come into work I called the police and then this shady government organization came out of nowhere and they said that they suspected you had kidnapped Supergirl and I told them that there was absolutely no way. I hope you don’t mind I gave them your personal security tapes to prove that you were innocent. I saw what that awful man did to you. Once I found out, I did my best to keep the news out of the papers. I told your publicity team but no one else knows. They have spread the news that you were called away on an urgent business trip of an undetermined length. Shall I let them know that you are back?”_

_Lena takes a deep breath, working through all of the information Jess gave her piece by piece. It’s good that people aren’t aware that she was kidnapped. At least her stocks won’t have taken a near fatal hit in her absence. She sends up a small thank you to Jess and her publicity team._

_“Yes, and I want to keep my kidnapping out of the papers and out of the media entirely. My business trip was a success and I will be coming back into the office today.”_

_“Today?” Jess asks, bewildered. “But… you have to rest Miss Luthor. Are you injured? Shall I call your doctor?”_

_“No, thank you, Jess. I’m fine. Just have some breakfast for me ready when I arrive.”_

_There’s a pause on the other end of the line that Lena recognizes as Jess fighting her urge to argue._

_“Yes, Miss Luthor,” she says, but she lets as much disapproval creep into her tone as physically possible. “I will see you at the office soon.”_

_Lena’s driver arrives at the front of the building only a couple minutes after she hangs up and Lena slips her purse over her shoulder, squares her shoulders and heads out to face the day._

_There are mountains of work waiting for Lena when she arrives. She makes eight phone calls in the first hour she’s in the office, apologizing for missing meetings and scheduling new ones. She files through the overwhelming amount of memos from her publicity team, updating her on what they’ve been telling the public and she does her best to work through the dauntingly large pile of paperwork waiting for her. Normally, it would make her want to crawl in a hole and let the company go to ruin, but right now she needs it. Throwing herself into her work might be the only reliable way of letting her forget Kara, if only for a bit._

_Jess hovers over her most of the day, checking in on her as often as she can and making sure she eats all her food. She asks, whenever she has half a free second, what more she could be doing, what she could take off of Lena’s workload. But Lena doesn’t give her more than her usual. At around 9, she tries to dismiss Jess, telling her it’s too late and it’s time for her to go home. But Jess, petulant and worried, sits down on Lena’s couch, folds her arms and says she isn’t going anywhere until Lena herself packs up._

_With a sigh, Lena packs up her stuff and lets Jess call her driver. She’s almost amused at the way Jess follows her all the way downstairs and watches her step into the car, as if she was worried Lena might make a break for it. But Lena doesn’t have enough fight left in her to argue. She waves to Jess through the tinted windows of the car and then they’re pulling away._

_Lena’s utter exhaustion, brought on by a sleepless night in the woods, preceded by literally being imprisoned by her mother, hits her then. The moving shadows in the car, cast by the street lamps, lull her to an easy sleep within seconds of pulling away from L-Corp’s curb. When she’s shaken awake by her driver what feels like an instant later, she doubts she’ll even be able to make it up to her apartment but her driver, coaxes the doorman into helping her up._

_She doesn’t remember the journey but the next thing she knows she’s up at her apartment, bidding William goodnight. Tiredly, she steps inside. Her evening routine is muscle memory at this point and she’s done it so many times in similar states of exhaustion that she doesn’t even try to think about it as she goes. Coat goes on hook. Purse on table by the door. Phone plugged in. Wipe-off make-up. Slip off shoes, then clothes. Then slip on pajamas. Brush teeth, take out contacts. Make sure there’s water by the bed and an alarm set._

_Finally, she slips between the covers on her bed and lies down, ready to sleep. Her body rejoices, overwhelmingly happy to be allowed to just lie down after Lena’s impossibly long day. She thinks that sleep will come easily, like it had in the car, like her tired muscles are begging for. But suddenly, in her over-quiet, pitch dark room, sleep evades her. Kara’s face, which Lena had managed to avoid all day, is back._

_Lena thinks about the inevitability of this moment. She was born from darkness. The whole world knows it. She’d hoped that pulling away from her family, finally being rid of Lex and Lillian and even Lionel would save her from it. But getting away from her family has proven nearly impossible, and getting away from the darkness… well, Lena is starting to suspect that it’s inside her and there’s no escape._

_Losing Kara, who rebelled against the darkness, who fought it with her every living breath, was just a matter of time. Lena had been resigned to it from the moment they’d met. She’s not surprised… but that doesn’t mean it hurts less. And it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t hate herself a little. She may have expected Kara to leave, but for the breaking point to be such a small, callous mistake, one that Lena hadn’t meant even for a second, makes her chest burn._

‘Exactly like the rest of them.’

_Lena sits up suddenly as her own words make her jolt with anger. She hadn’t meant it. She doesn’t think like that. She_ knows _that not all aliens are alike, had known it even before discovering Kara was Supergirl. But she’d said it and even tired and angry, she wouldn’t have said something that hadn’t already been in her head. The thought, placed there by Lillian and Lex all those years ago, is hard to get rid of entirely._

_She thinks she could though. For Kara. Even if Kara never wants to see her again, even if Kara_ hates _her. Lena thinks that she probably could overwrite it. Could get rid of it. She buries her face in her hands and takes three deep breaths to force her anger and panic to subside. She will do it. If she accomplishes nothing else, she will fix herself, and take that one little bit of darkness out of the world._

 

* * *

 

Kara wakes to Alex prodding her none-too-gently in the spine. She squirms against her sisters finger until she relents. 

“Get up,” Alex says. “I have to pee and it’s daytime which means you need to go to Lena.”

Kara groans and stretches, less because she needs to and more because of the way Alex grunts unhappily beside her as she takes up too much space on the bed. 

“Get off,” Alex grumbles, shoving at her shoulder.

Kara rolls off the bed theatrically and shoots a betrayed look at her sister, who just looks back unamused. Alex gets out of bed a lot more gracefully and she bends over to brush the hair out of Kara’s face and cup her chin, eyes tracing her face. 

“I’m fine, Alex,” Kara says, trying to brush off her sister’s attentions. 

“I know,” Alex murmurs, pressing a kiss to her forehead before straightening. “I just missed you.”

Kara doesn’t have time to respond before Alex is sweeping out of the room in the direction of the bathroom, but Alex’s words and hands leave her feeling warm and protected. It’s a sharp contrast to the last few days and Kara can’t stop the smile that spreads across her cheeks. 

Her mission for the day gives her pause though. She wants to go see Lena. A lot. In fact, Kara is afraid she might go crazy if she doesn’t get to check in on her soon. But she knows that seeing Lena means having a conversation and she’s not sure that it’s a conversation she wants to have. She glances at the corner of the room where her suit has been cleaned and laid out on a chair and straightens her spine reflexively. She is Supergirl. And sure, bulletproof skin can’t protect her from heartbreak but she’s not going to let a little fear stop her. 

At least, that’s what she tells herself, but when Alex gets back from the bathroom, Kara is still standing there, watching her suit intensely, having made no move to get dressed. Alex steps around her until she can look her in the eye and the concern she feels is palpable.

“Kara? What’s wrong? Are you not feeling good? Do you need to go under the sun lamps some more?”

Part of Kara wants to say yes, to take a sick day and hide away from anything that could hurt her. But she shakes her head instead. 

“I’m fine. Just… nervous.”

“About talking to Lena?”

Kara nods. 

“We talked about this earlier,” Alex says. “Look… just… okay, so she’s your friend and you’re in love with her and, as naive and ridiculous as you are most of time, I know that you have really good judgment when it comes to people. So… whatever she did, whatever she said that is making you doubt her, it can’t be the whole story. And it can’t be the end. I know you won’t forgive yourself if you don’t at least try and talk to her.”

Kara nods, and she thanks Rao, for the millionth time, that Alex is her sister. Whenever she needs strength, Alex is there, steadfast and solid and Kara’s not sure what she’d do without her. Alex shoves her lightly to get her moving and Kara begrudgingly goes. She finds a skirt and a soft pink cardigan in a DEO locker that has a few of her spare clothes in it as well as a spare pair of glasses. When she feels like she looks appropriately like Kara Danvers, she makes her way to L-Corp. 

Jess glances up at her curiously as she walks in but waves her up without question, though Kara hears her calling Lena to give her a heads up before Kara arrives. Kara hears Lena’s heartbeat pick up in response but she can’t tell if it’s fear or excitement or just plain nerves. She feels her own heartbeat pick up as well, and she knows that in her case it’s a combination of all three. By the time she knocks on Lena’s door, she’s a jittery mess. 

The ‘come in’ she receives is quieter than it has ever been. Quiet enough that a human wouldn’t have been able to hear it. She pushes the door open. 

Lena is sitting at her desk, face pale and expression drawn. She looks even more tired than when Kara had dropped her off on her balcony over twenty-four hours ago and Kara wonders if she’s slept at all. She had showered and gotten dressed for the day and other than the bags under her eyes, she looks no less the powerful CEO she’s always been. She’s looking up already when Kara walks in, and her eyes don’t flicker away for a second, but she doesn’t say anything. 

“Are you okay?” is the first thing Kara can think to say, but it’s a stupid question and she flinches as soon as she says it. 

Lena laughs bitterly, her green eyes darkening almost angrily. 

“I’m sorry,” Kara says quickly. “I didn’t… that was a dumb question. I just… did you sleep at least?”

“Not much,” Lena says, and she sounds almost apologetic. “I tried to. Wanted to. And after everything I probably should have passed out the minute my head hit the pillow. But I couldn’t stop thinking about what I said to you.”

Lena pauses and looks at Kara like she’s considering something carefully. She sighs and leans back in her chair, glancing up at the ceiling momentarily before looking down at Kara again and flashing her a tired smile. 

“I’m glad you came,” she says softly. “I almost thought you wouldn’t.”

“Lena…” Kara starts, but Lena stands quickly and walks around the desk, her hands held out in front of her like a white flag. 

“Please, let me say this, Kara,” she pleads. “There’s a lot I need to say, to apologize for. You deserve to hear it, so please…. let me talk.”

She waits for Kara to give some sort of confirmation. Now that she sees Lena, she’s already forgiven her. The guilt Lena feels for what she said is etched so clearly across her features that Kara already knows, even without an apology, that Lena had never meant to hurt her. But Lena, toying with the hem of her shirt and almost unfocused with exhaustion clearly needs to say whatever it is she wants to say. So Kara gives her a nod. 

“I…” Lena pauses to take a deep breath. “I know that there’s this… poison… inside of me. I grew up around the worst of the worst. I know that they twisted me, as much as I tried not to let them. I’m so sorry for what I said the other day. You must know that I don’t- I don’t believe that. I’ve heard those words so many times from my mother and my brother and even my father, to the point where they’re all but etched in my brain. I try my best to make it go away and to make myself _better_.”

Kara opens her mouth to reply but Lena beats her to it.

“Kara,” Lena implores, stepping forward so that there’s barely a foot of space between them. “I know I’m not perfect. I wish I was. I wish, more than anything that I could be perfect for you. You _deserve_ perfect. You deserve the absolute best and I know that’s not me, but I want to try to be. So please… please don’t leave me.”

There are tears in Lena’s eyes and pure desperation in her voice and it suddenly strikes Kara exactly how cruel she was to leave her on her balcony like that the day before. The thought of leaving Lena forever had never even occurred to her, but that’s what it must have seemed like. In truth, Kara’s overtired mind hadn’t wanted to deal with the onslaught of emotions that came from hearing the woman she loved so casually dismissing her kind. So she’d left Lena alone to wonder if she had permanently ruined the only meaningful relationship in her life.

Kara steps forward without hesitation and pulls Lena into as tight a hug as she can manage without hurting her. Lena’s responding gasp falls somewhere between relieved and overjoyed. Her fingers dig into Kara’s shirt at the small of her back and her tears stain the fabric at her shoulder. Kara holds her as she cries and in that instant vows that, no matter what happens, no matter what fights they have, no matter how Lena hurts her, Kara will never let her feel this fear again.

“I wouldn’t leave you,” she mumbles into Lena’s hair. “I _could_ never leave you.”

Lena pulls away, her mascara is blotched around her eyes and her lipstick was smudged against Kara’s shirt but her eyes, tired and bloodshot are startlingly sharp as they roam Kara’s expression. 

“I’m sorry,” Lena says. 

“It’s okay,” Kara replies. “You were tired and annoyed and-“

“That’s no excuse,” Lena says vehemently. “Words that come out when you’re tried or angry or drunk are some of the best indicators of a person’s thoughts and beliefs. I… I shouldn’t have said that. You, your sister, plenty of other people would _never_ say something like that.”

Kara feels bewildered by the sudden turn of events as Lena extricates herself almost angrily from Kara’s grip. It takes Kara only a second to recognize that the only thing Lena is mad at is herself. She wants to soothe it but knows she can’t. 

“I promised myself something last night,” Lena says, jaw set with determination. “I promised myself I would become a better person. For you. And I will. So please don’t forgive me yet, Kara. Don’t forgive me until I’ve become that person.”

“Lena…” Kara says, stepping forward to run her hand down Lena’s arm to grab her hand. “You already _are_ that person. This determination you have to fix it is a sign that you already are better.”

“I can be even better though,” Lena says desperately, clinging to Kara’s hand. 

“We all can,” Kara says gently. “Everyone can be better. But I’ve already forgiven you for what you said the other day. And, it’s my personal opinion that you should forgive yourself as well.”

Lena closes her eyes as tears flow down her cheeks and shakes her head. 

“Yes,” Kara disagrees. “You _can_. There’s still stuff you need to work through, a whole childhood of–of poison to sift through. But you can’t do that if you don’t forgive yourself. And you can’t do it alone. I’m here for you, Lena.”

Lena doesn’t open her eyes as she runs her hand up Kara’s arm to grip at her collar. She doesn’t open her eyes as she tugs Kara close until their foreheads are pressed together and their breathing syncs up. She doesn’t open her eyes for a few long seconds and when she does, Kara is almost floored by the greenness of them. 

“You’re right, probably,” Lena says. “You’re right. I have to forgive myself, but I think… I think that will be easier said than done. I don’t want to hurt you again. And I don’t want you caught up in the crossfire. So, please, for a bit Kara, give me some time.”

Kara already aches at the thought of leaving her here like this, the thought of not getting to see her again. But Lena’s eyes are clear and determined and Kara catches no hint of the hysteria that had been there only seconds earlier. 

“I will…” Lena says, clearing her throat and stepping away suddenly. “I will be sure to contact you when I’m ready. I hope it won’t take too long.”

Kara looks at her skeptically. 

“I know how hard you are on yourself,” she says, gently. “Just remember, you don’t have to be perfect. No one is perfect, no matter how hard they seem it. But if space is what you need to forgive yourself for this, then I will give that to you.”

Lena nods gratefully and goes to return to her desk. Kara realizes she’s being dismissed and a dull panic rises in her chest at the thought that when she walks out of this office she doesn’t know when the next time she’ll see Lena will be. She reaches out instinctively, without bothering to think and latches on to Lena’s wrist, stopping her in her tracks. Lena turns to look at her curiously.

“Just… before I go,” Kara says.  

She hesitates for a second and then leans in enough to get her message across and she sees recognition and surprise flash across Lena’s features. She extricates her wrist from Kara’s grip and, for a heartbreaking second, Kara thinks that she’s going to pull away. But instead she brings it up to brush a strand of hair out of Kara’s face and then pulls her down to press a warm, significant kiss onto her lips.

For an instant, Kara forgets everything around them. She forgets their circumstances and Lena pushing her away. The only thing she can think about is Lena, gentle and lovely. Kara could drown in this feeling forever.

Lena goes to pull away, to keep it short, but Kara stops her by knotting her fingers into her hair, keeping her close for a second longer, trying to memorize the feel of her lips, pressed soft against hers. The kiss is ultimately chaste, but it feels like everything Kara has ever asked for.

It takes all of her self-control to pull away and when Lena chases her lips for a split second she debates simply falling back into her. But she steps away and forces her hands behind her back where they can’t reach out to her. 

“To tide me over until I see you again,” she says softly. 

Lena smiles at her like her heart is breaking a little and Kara knows the feeling acutely. Just because some space for Lena might be the best thing right now, doesn’t mean it won’t kill Kara to walk away. 

“It’s not enough,” Lena replies. “But it’ll have to do.”

Kara nods, swallowing past an insistent lump in her throat. 

“I guess I’ll see you soon then."

“Yes,” Lena says, “You will. Bye, Kara.”

Kara nods and makes her way slowly to the door. She chances one look back at Lena to find her watching her. Kara gives her the best smile she can manage and waits until the corners of Lena’s mouth tick up in response before shutting the door behind her and walking out of the building. 


	11. Chapter 11

Day one of missing Lena starts with a dream. A nightmare, to be precise. One where Kara can’t move, can’t open her eyes, can only listen as Lena screams and screams and screams. Kara jolts awake, already halfway to a panic before she remembers that she _can_ move. She double checks though, wiggling her fingers and her toes, her arms and her legs and then eventually pushing herself out of bed so that she can stand and stretch out her spine. The memory of being paralyzed clings to her every move and Kara doesn’t feel better until she’s in her suit and pushing up and over the city. She flies loops as quickly as she can until she is sure that every remnant of the kryptonite poison is gone.

Then she swoops low over Lena’s apartment building. It feels a little like an invasion of privacy. After all, she had promised she would stay away and even though there’s no way Lena could know she’s here, it feels like she’s breaking that promise. But the memory of her screams as Kara’s nightmare fades make her almost nauseous. So she flies until she can hear Lena’s heartbeat. It’s unsteady as Lena lies in her bed and Kara wonders if she’s not the only one having nightmares tonight. Kara has to fight the urge to dip down and protect Lena from whatever images her mind is conjuring, but once again Kara reminds herself of her promise and she pushes up until she’s above the clouds.

The city below is as close to silent as it gets on a Saturday. At around 4 in the morning, most people have made their way home from the nightlife and the early risers will still be asleep for at least another hour. Even the petty criminals have mostly gone to sleep. Kara briefly wishes she were asleep but the ice-cold panic of her nightmare creeps up her spine like a reminder and Kara settles into the idea that she’s awake for the day.

She should head to the DEO, sooner rather than later probably. After her meeting with Lena she hadn’t wanted to go back to face Alex, who would have known immediately how upset she was, or J’onn who would want to know what Lena had said. Instead, she’d gone back to her apartment, shooting Alex a text that simply said she wanted to be left alone. But she knows that they’ve been trying to contact her and she knows that if she doesn’t come in today, they will send a SWAT team after her.

Her phone ringing in her boot cuts through the silence, startling Kara into dropping a few feet before she stabilizes and scrambles to pull her phone out of her boot.

“Why does your suit’s tracker say you’re in the stratosphere?” Alex’s voice is equal parts reproving and worried.

“Why are you awake?” Kara shoots back.

“Don’t answer me with a question.”

“I just needed to fly a bit,” Kara replies and she knows that Alex knows that means she’s upset about something.

There’s a pause where Kara thinks Alex is considering pushing her a little but it seems she decides not to for now.

“J’onn and the squad got back from the Cadmus base they were holding you at. The place had been scrubbed clean. Not a fingerprint, or strand of hair. Absolutely nothing. I’m running over footage from our satellites to see if we can see where they went but it seems like they know what we can see because they used the cover of the trees in the forest to essentially vanish. We’re trying to pick up the trail, but…”

Kara clenches her jaw. She thinks about Lena and how much easier it would be for her to forgive herself and forsake the chains that her family have placed on her if they could get Lillian behind bars permanently. It seems like a pipe dream since she seems to be ahead of the curve at every moment. But Kara’s determination to get Lillian out of her life solidifies into something almost physical.

She takes a deep breath and swoops down until she's flying in through the DEO's large windows. She catches Alex's eye at the monitors but doesn't say anything. Instead, she walks over to where J'onn is standing, looking at some footage they got from the base. 

“What can I do?” she asks.

J’onn shoots her a look.

“Nothing,” he says, firmly. “Let us deal with Lillian. You keep being Supergirl and Kara Danvers. And try and get Lena to talk to us.”

Kara glances away guiltily, and she tries to ignore the way J’onn shifts his weight so that he can cross his arms and look at her sternly. The move is so fatherly that, despite the fact that she feels like she’s in trouble, she feels something warm and soft bloom in her chest.

“What is it?” he asks.

“Nothing. Except that Lena asked me to give her space and I told her I would. But I think if you tried contacting her again, she would be more than willing to help.”

J’onn looks at her skeptically but, just as Kara is starting to feel like a chastised child, he sighs and nods. He starts to turn away and Kara wonders if that’s it. She wants to know more, to be able to  _help_ more. Standing by as she waits for Lena will already be torture enough. She doesn't want to have to wait on the sidelines for this investigation as well. 

“J’onn,” Kara says, walking quickly until she can stop him in his tracks. “You can’t just shut me out of this.”

“Yes, I can,” J’onn spits out through gritted teeth, his tone approaching a growl. “You were kidnapped Kara, missing for five days. I said that we didn’t find anything at the base, but that’s not true. We found some tapes. I think Cadmus left them to be found. They were of you, getting hit by the kryptonite gas, getting dragged into the base, getting cut up and poked and prodded.”

J’onn’s eyes flash dangerously, but where Kara expected to see anger, she sees only sadness and fear.

“I watched them torture you, Kara,” he says, his voice thick with unshed tears.

Kara flinches away from the word. She doesn’t want to think about it as torture. All the stuff she’s been through, she’s never truly been tortured and this… It… it hadn’t felt like torture. At least not deliberate torture the way they show it in movies. The pain was just collateral to Cadmus’s main goal of kidnapping and dissecting her. Somehow the intention matters to her. But not to J’onn.

“I’m fine,” she says, holding out her hands as if J’onn can’t see well enough how fine she is.

“Just because you are physically fine now doesn’t mean that you are actually fine. You and your cousin and many other aliens with regenerative abilities often forget that physical scars aren’t the only ones we should worry about.”

Kara frowns.

“I’m _fine_.”

“No nightmares then?” J’onn asks, but the question feels rhetorical.

He already knows the answer, knows that she woke up in a cold sweat this morning. Kara can’t tell if it’s because she’s here so early or if he just _knows_. Kara could try lying but she knows that it’s pointless.  
  
“I always have nightmares,” she says softly. “I have since I was 12.”

J’onn’s expression softens.

“Take some time away from Cadmus,” he says. “Let us do our job and if we absolutely need you, we will call. I promise.”

Kara wants to argue but there’s nothing she can argue with. Without any actual leads, there’s probably not much she can do anyway and the way J’onn’s eyes are wide with something akin to fear makes her decide to step down. If only for a bit.

“Okay,” she says, resigned. “Okay. I… I think I’m going to go into CatCo. I assume you found something to tell Snapper?”

“Yes,” he says. “James was able to cover for you somewhat. But we told him that you were working a case and had to leave town. James sent him articles that he says seem like something you might write. You might want to read those over before you go in."

 

* * *

 

_Lena sleeps finally. Her conversation with Kara had settled enough of her nerves that by the time she gets home, she practically passes out on her bed._

_She wakes up the next morning feeling warm and comfortable for the first time in a week, with a dream of Kara clinging to her still. She thinks that indulging in that kiss might have been a mistake. The memory of it makes her feel fuzzy and content and she wonders how long she can reasonably go without kissing her again. She's not strong enough to last long, especially now that she knows without a doubt that Kara would kiss her back if given half a chance._

_But she has plans. She made a promise to Kara and she made a promise to herself._

_Day one of missing Kara starts with a phone call from an unknown number as soon as Lena steps into the office. She has a pretty good idea of who it might be. Jess said that when the hidden government organization at Kara's back had contacted, every move had been shrouded in secrecy. When they'd called the day before she had ignored them, entirely unwilling to discuss anything having to do with Kara or her mother but she supposes that a good first step in bettering herself would be to help them. She tells Jess that's she's not to be interrupted and then picks up._

_"May I know who I am speaking to?" Lena asks in place if a greeting._

_"My name is J'onn J'onzz," a gravelly voice on the other line says. "You may know me a little better as the alien with Hank Henshaw's face."_

_Lena blinks as she tries to make sense of that statement. Her mind fills in the blanks slowly, taking her back to the night on the pier where she'd seen a man turn into a monster and then back. She'd known that he was an ally of Supergirl's that night but it seems that's not all he is._

_"And to what do I owe the pleasure?" she asks._

_She's trying not to be on guard but it's an instinct that's difficult to overwrite. She's not used to dealing with people she doesn't know anything about._

_"We'd like to know everything you know about your mother. Supergirl assures me that you have no designs on her life and that you want your mother out of the picture almost as desperately as we do. Will you help?"_

_"Can I refuse?" she asks._

_Agent J'onzz pauses and it hangs heavily between them._

_"I cannot force you, though the DEO has the resources to figure out at least part of what you know without your knowledge or permission."_

_"Are you threatening to hack me?" Lena asks._

_"Yes, but I'm sure you understand. One of our assets, someone very important to me, was kidnapped and tortured and I will do everything in my power to help her. I believe you feel the same way. And Miss Luthor? The DEO are not bad allies to have."_

_Lena considers his statement. She doesn't like the way he speaks as if he knows her and she doesn't like that he had threatened her. She wonders how much Kara told him about their relationship. Does he know that Lena is in love with her? Will he use that against her?_ _Lena's self-preservation instinct is telling her not to say anything, to double down her network defenses and to protect herself from this strange, shadowy man. But, as extensive as L-Corp is, she know that the DEO has resources she doesn't. And she trusts Kara. So if Kara trusts J'onn J'onzz, then she will make an effort._

_"I will help you," she says. "On one condition."_

_"And what will that be?" Agent J'onzz asks._

_Lena thinks that under other circumstances they would get along quite well probably. They're both cautious, distrustful of anyone who asks favors. Just as distrustful when someone offers one free of charge. It's almost comforting that, despite the fact that she knows nothing about him, she thinks she can at least understand him._

_"I want to be involved in the investigation," Lena says. "I'll give you what I know and full access to all of L-Corp's resources but I would appreciate the same courtesy in return."_

_Again, Agent J'onzz falls silent on the other line._

_"These are my terms Agent J'onzz. I believe they are more than fair."_

_"You must understand my hesitation is due to the fact that I am not in the habit of letting civilians put themselves in danger. You were kidnapped, Miss Luthor. And we know from experience that your mother does not hold out any remaining affections for you. It would most likely be safer for you if you remained uninvolved."_

_"You maybe be right," Lena replies, mustering every little iota of confident businesswoman she can. "But I also believe that this investigation will proceed much more quickly if neither party is kept in the dark. I want to help Agent J'onzz. I can do that best if you let me."_

_Lena hears a sigh on the other end of the line and she smiles. She knows she's won._

_"Very well, Miss Luthor," Agent J'onzz says. "We will send you an agent who will serve as a liaison. Please be sure to entrust her with everything you have and she will do the same."_

_"I believe this might be the beginning of a wonderful friendship, Agent J'onzz," Lena says._

_J'onn surprises her by chuckling lightly at the reference._

_"That's Director J'onzz to you," he replies. "And I certainly hope you are right."_

 

* * *

 

_When Director J'onzz had said he would send an agent, Lena had pictured some faceless woman dressed in black with little inclination to smiling. It turns out she was mostly right, but she had not expected Agent Danvers to show up behind Jess's shoulder at around 3pm._

_"The Agent is here," Jess says._

_Lena nods. She had instructed Jess to bring up the DEO agent the moment they'd arrived. Lena had hoped she would come earlier though, and now she finds herself knee deep in financial records._

_"I'm sorry Agent Danvers. If you would just give me a moment-"_

_"Take your time," she interrupts. "While the matter of your mother is rather pressing, we're not in any hurry right now."_

_"Right, well, please take a seat," she says gesturing to the chairs on the other side of her desk. "Would you like something to drink?"_

_"No thank you," Alex says._

_Lena dismisses Jess with a glance, their professional relationship having reached a point beyond words. Jess nods once and steps out, closing the door gently behind her. Lena takes a few more seconds to organize her papers and close out the programs on her computer so that she can give Alex all of her attention. She also uses the time to watch the agent and try to figure out her angle._

_She knows Alex is Kara's older sister and from the way Kara speaks about her, she may well have hung the moon. But Lena is skeptical enough not to take the adoration of a younger sister at face value. She knows that she once adored Lex and while she's sure Alex doesn't have any of the same inclinations, she's sure that Kara is probably at least a little oblivious to her faults._

_Alex is impassive. She's trained like most of the federal agents Lena has met to let nothing show in her expression and she does a fantastic job. The only thing Lena is able to glean from her is that she is watching Lena just as closely._

_"I apologize for the mess," Lena says once she's settled. "You would not believe how much work there is to do when you've been missing for five days."_

_Alex snorts in amusement. Her expression is almost fond and Lena raises her eyebrows in curiosity._

_"Figures that Kara would be best friends with someone who cares about their own safety about as much as she does."_

_“And what is that supposed to mean?”_

_“You’re both so glib about the fact that you were literally kidnapped,” Alex says. “I mean, I ask Kara if she’s okay and she says ‘of course’ as if there’s no possible reason for her not to be okay. And you’re here joking about your workload when you were held in a windowless room for 5 days by your sociopathic mother and brother.”_

_Lena bites down the immediate desire to fight back, to rail against what the world thinks of her family. She’s still getting used to the idea that her mother is the head of an evil organization, and she’s still fighting to get the image of Lex as he was in college out of her mind. But, the bias against her family aside, she can see Alex’s point. She knows that Kara doesn’t think about herself until everyone else is safe and accounted for, and she knows that she herself has learned to compartmentalize. She doesn’t fall apart until she knows for sure that it’s safe to do so. And until her mother and brother are back behind bars, it won't be._

_“Whether or not I make jokes has nothing to do with this. Let's get started.”_

_Alex rolls her eyes and then shifts to lean back more comfortably in the chair._

_“Alright, let’s get started.”_

 

* * *

 

Day ten of missing Lena isn’t so bad. It’s the first night since the kidnapping that Kara doesn’t wake up half sure that she’s been paralyzed. She goes to work with a little pep in her step and a determination to write a good story for Snapper who had been in a mood ever since she disappeared. She's there for two minutes, buzzing with so much energy that Snapper kicks her out to go talk to her sources. 

She goes to the alien bar. She’s pretty sure that she should expand her contacts past the aliens that inhabit the dingy bar and the DEO agents that she can never mention by name, but they have yet to fail her when she’s in dire need of a new story. And she _needs_ one now. She needs anything that will take her mind off Lena and Cadmus.

Mon-El catches her eye the moment she walks in and grins.

“You’re back!!” he says. “I mean, I knew you were back. Winn mentioned you were back but you’re actually back!!”

Kara grins at him. Taking a step away and coming to the conclusion that she was not responsible for his life or his success had been a good step for both of them. They don’t hang out much anymore unless Kara is at the bar, but they’re friendly. And Kara has started to come to terms with the fact that even though he hasn’t become a hero, he’s at least doing something worthwhile. While the patrons of the bar miss M’gann and the other staff members that had died because of the Medusa virus, they’ve come to love Mon-El.

He’s charming and friendly. He doesn’t cut people off as early as M’gann had, but he does when it’s necessary and he’s strong enough to deal with even the most unruly patrons. He also doesn’t blink an eye at all of the different species that walk in, having seen more than the average person from his vantage as a prince. Somehow, he’s managed to make the place of a massacre a safe space again for the alien population of National City and that’s pretty heroic in it’s own way.

“I’m back,” Kara says. “And good as new.”

Mon-El’s smile drops a little and he leans in over the counter just slightly to make their conversation a little more private in the crowded bar.

“I’m sorry you got kidnapped,” he says. “I was ready to go after you as soon as I heard, but we didn’t know where you were and-“

“I appreciate that, Mon-El,” Kara says and he grins at her.

“Well, you’re welcome. If you ever get kidnapped again, knock on wood” he raps his knuckles on the bar, a habit he picked up from Winn, “I will save you. Or at least, I will try very, very hard.”

Kara’s not quite sure how to respond so she decides on just smiling at him.

“Are you here for a story?” he asks, ducking his head again, as if it’s a secret.

“Mmm-hmm,” she replies. “Heard anything good?”

His super-hearing picks up on a lot of the chatter around the bar and he passes on anything interesting he hears. It’s gotten her more than a couple stories but today he shrugs.

“City has been quiet,” he says. “As far as I know, no one’s gone missing, no one’s gotten hurt. Everyone is still hiding and there’s been some slurs thrown around, but that’s hardly news.”

Kara frowns in frustration but she takes the club soda he hands her.

“But hey,” Mon-El says. “Hang out a bit. Maybe today is your lucky day.”

Kara nods and he gives her a little wave as he goes off to serve other customers. Kara glances around at the clientele and then takes a long drag from her club soda just to have something to do. She knows some of them by name, most of them by sight, but there's a couple she’s never met before. They all know who she is though: Kara Danvers, CatCo reporter, and humanoid alien. Most don’t know where she’s from seeing as she keeps that little piece of information tucked away as well as she can. Knowing she’s Kryptonian would only lead to them knowing she’s Supergirl and, well, that’s supposed to be a secret.

But they know she’s a reporter, and they know that she’s the reporter who broke the story about the aliens being kidnapped and they know they can trust her. And after a few people came up to her asking for help finding missing friends and family, they know that they can count on her when they need it. Despite that, people don’t seem to appreciate it when she goes around asking questions. The aliens are naturally defensive around anyone who wants to know more about their lives. They’re so used to hiding that its become second nature to push away anyone who is too nosy.

Kara’s learned that the best strategy is to just hang out. Around the time of her saving the aliens on the ship, many had bought her drinks as a thank you for breaking the news and for helping save as many lives as she could. Now, the novelty has died down a little, but occasionally people will still come up and talk to her. If she’s lucky, they have stories to tell.

Today, it seems, is her lucky day. A tall, dark-skinned alien approaches her. He towers over Kara by nearly a foot but his gait is amiable and he’s got a smile on his face.

“Hey,” he says, his voice softer and smoother than any humans. “You’re the one that wrote that article right?”

Kara smiles at him.

“Yeah, I am.”

“Aw, man!” he says. “That’s so cool. I’m from Metropolis, but we’ve heard all about 'karadanvers.com'. I mean, it was so novel for someone to actually… I don’t know… care? I mean, aliens have been going missing since the beginning of time and no one tried to figure it out. But you did!! Anyway, when my buddy over there,” he gestures to another alien of apparently the same species, “said that you were, y’know, Kara Danvers, I mean, wow!! That’s so cool.”

Kara ducks her head bashfully, blushing. She’s used to the attention she gets as Supergirl but it’s a different brand of admiration, more like hero worship than anything else. The attention Kara Danvers gets is a lot more personal though and Kara’s never quite known how to deal with it.

“Thank you,” she says and hopes that it’s enough.

“Nah, thank _you_!” the alien says with a laugh. “Can I buy you a drink?”

Kara glances down at her almost empty glass of club soda and nods.

“Awesome!!” he says, slipping into the seat next to her and flagging down Mon-El. “Have you ever had Kantillean Shodzva? It’s kind of like… tequila? But not awful. The bartender told me they just got three flagons of it and to have some while supplies last.”

“I haven’t,” Kara says, “But I’m happy to have some now.”

“Awesome!!”

Mon-El shuffles off to get their glasses and the alien turns to face her more fully.

“I realize that I never introduced myself. Here on earth they call me Liam but my name is actually Vroshteht. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Cartshan.”

“I’ve heard of it,” Kara says. “It was a little father than I was allowed to travel when I was young but I heard great things. Your gemstones were the talk of the galaxy.”

Vroshteht grins proudly.

“How did you end up here?” Kara asks.

“Well, you know those gemstones? I might have tried stealing one or two of them. Didn’t work out well for me and I got exiled.”

“You seem cheerful about it.”

He shrugs. The movement is awkward on his long limbs and clearly an early mannerism that he has been trying to imitate for quite some time.

“Yeah, I guess. I wasn’t all that attached to Cartshan in the first place. Other than the gemstones. Didn’t have family or friends or anything there. So when they exiled me it was kind of like, eh, just another place for me to roam around in I guess. But then I got here, and wow!! I love this planet. Their food is amazing and there’s just so many different kinds of people and languages. They’re primitive, sure, but they have music and dancing and so, so much to do and see. And I made some pretty great friends here.”

His story is a strange plot twist that has Kara grinning despite herself. She loves Earth with all her heart and given the opportunity to go back to Krypton she honestly isn’t sure she would. But the circumstances that brought her here are undeniably tragic. As are the circumstances of most of the people she’s talked to. She glad that Vroshteht is happy here and that he didn’t have to suffer much to get it.

“Anyway,” he says. “I wanted to ask you a question actually. I was thinking about commenting on your blog but then I thought that would be weird. But now you’re right here so it feels like fate. Can I ask?”

“Sure.”

“I was wondering… gosh, I mean… I’m so sure you have a life. A real life and a job or whatever to get to. But I was wondering if you’d be willing to investigate something for me. I’d do it myself but I don’t know how? I mean, how do reporters even figure stuff out like that. Who do you talk to? I just don’t… I don’t know.”

Kara has to admit she’s endeared by this hulking alien. He seems earnest, despite being a jewel thief and his manner of speak, almost overly human, is comforting in it’s discomfort. It makes her think about stumbling through easy slang when she first landed with Alex doing her best not to laugh every time she misused it. Maybe that’s why she agrees without even knowing what he asking about.

“Sure,” she says. “I’d love to.”

“Really?”

Kara almost laughs at how surprised Vroshteht seems, and at the little shimmy he does as he tries to collect himself.

“Well, okay, so there’s this place in Metropolis. I know it’s far away, but maybe you have contacts there? Anyway, aliens don’t go there anymore. Humans do all the time, no problem but about a year ago people just… stopped going. And, well, I have no sense of self-preservation apparently, so I decided to go and check it out. Except as soon as I started to get nearby, I had this horrible, horrible feeling. I don’t know what it is. It doesn’t hurt, per se. But it skeeves me out. And the farther I went the worse it got. Anyway, I asked around in Metropolis and so many people, not from Earth, have the same issue. Most didn’t notice it at first and avoided it sub-consciously but as soon as they tried to enter, it just…. I don’t know. It feels like your blood runs cold and I got dizzy and my head was pounding. It was awful. Nothing on Earth has ever made me feel like that. And it’s not just Cartshanians. It’s all species I’ve ever asked, from all over the galaxy and others as well. I don’t know how it works.”

Kara frowns.

“Why haven’t I heard about this before?”

Vroshteht shrugs again.

“Most people don’t know about it, ‘specially if they don’t live in Metropolis. But it’s gotta mean something right?”

“What makes you think I can go there if you can’t?” she asks.

“Well… I don’t know…” he says, seeming suddenly confounded. “I was just thinking maybe you have contacts? Human contacts who can check it out? Or like you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I understand if you’re busy.”

“No, no,” Kara says. “I will.”

This could be a good story. No… a great story if it ends up being something. It’s exactly what she needs to to refocus her attentions. And it’ll take her to Metropolis, which means that she’ll be out of the office and out of the city (maybe distance from Lena will make the ache to see her more bearable). And it means that she’ll get to see Clark.

“Here,” she says, pulling out her phone and handing it to Vroshteht. “Put in your number so I can contact you if I need to and tell me where to go and I’ll try and figure this out.”

“Awesome!!” Vroshteht says. “Thank you so much!”

 

 

* * *

 

_“This is ridiculous,” Alex says, weighing the stack of papers that Lena handed her. “L-Corp owns all of these?”_

_“Yes,” Lena says absently, as she skims over a report she had Jess pull together for her._

_“This is like eighty pages long!!”_

_“Fifty-eight actually,” Lena says. “And it’s not just a list. It has full descriptions and explanations of each. There are some we can check off immediately because we work with them more closely and I know exactly what they do. But some of the smaller subsidiaries fly under the radar. Or at least, they fly under my radar. I can’t be concerned with every single one of L-Corp’s subsidiaries at every point in the day. So I delegate. But if my mother could bribe the right person or I trusted the wrong person, she could be using L-Corp’s funds without me knowing about it.”_

_“And we think that’s likely…” Alex says, skeptically._

_“I don’t know,” Lena replies. “But it seems likely. After Cadmus went rogue, they government stopped funding them, at least on paper. But they clearly still have almost unlimited resources. Which means one of three things. Either the government is still funding them under the table, or they have another large company in their pockets, or my mother is using her old Luthor Corp contacts to use my money. Checking for the first two will be harder, but making sure that she’s not using L-Corp’s resources should be easier.”_

_Alex looks down at the stack of papers in her hand and groans._

_“Okay, so how are we doing this?”_

_“You’ll read me the name of the subsidiary as well as their expense account number so that I can cross check it with my records. We’ll see if anything sticks out.”_

_“I need a drink,” Alex grumbles._

_Lena barely glances up as she opens her desk draw and pulls out a bottle of scotch and two tumblers. She almost laughs at how wide-eyed Alex gets. She understands the feeling._

_They’ve been meeting on a daily basis for the last week and a half, always later in the evening once Lena has finished her actual work for the day and most of her workers have gone home. The amount of paperwork, security footage, and data they’ve had to comb through has been overwhelming. And it had all lead to nothing. Lena hadn’t been able to pick anything out of the stuff the DEO had given her and Alex hadn’t been able to piece anything together from what Lena knew._

_They’ve decided to move on to chasing the money trail instead of the people themselves. Hopefully it will yield more results. But if not, Lena would like to be halfway to drunk by the end of the night or else she might tear her own hair out in frustration._

_Alex starts to read through the packet, skimming over the ones that Lena brushes off with a wave. Some she works with too closely for them to be able to skim money off her. Others don’t spend enough money to be able to fund Cadmus. Some she has to check to make sure that their expenses match their output. Two hours and two glasses of scotch later, they’ve narrowed it down to three._

_Alex leans back and rubs her forehead in exhaustion as she slams the packet down on the table._

_“What have we got?” she asks._

_“Well, there are three. Two are foreign, one in Saudi Arabia and the other in Taiwan. That doesn’t mean that they can’t funnel money into my mother’s accounts but it does make it a little more complicated. But the last one is American and it’s based in Metropolis.”_

_Alex perks up at that and leans over to look at Lena’s computer screen._

_“Are we sure thats it?”_

_“Not yet, but tomorrow I can get Jess to pull their financial records and I can check them for inconsistencies.”_

_“And then we’ll be sure,” Alex says skeptically._

_“Yes, if they are siphoning L-Corp’s money to give it to Cadmus we will know for sure tomorrow.”_

_Alex leans back in her hair and nods, seeming to not quite believe it. Lena gets it. She feels like they’ve spent the last week and a halfchasing shadows and finally they might have something tangible to go on. It's a relief for Alex especially, whose job, Lena suspects, usually is a little more interesting than sitting in an office late at night pouring over papers._

_“Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Alex says, standing slowly and groaning as the muscles in her back protest the movement._

_Lena nods. The ends of their nights together, when Alex walks herself out of L-Corp with little more than a ‘bye’ thrown over her shoulder always serve to remind Lena that they aren’t close. They’re just working together. The reminder always leaves her with an aching loneliness._

_“Wait,” she calls out, before she has a chance to think about it, just as Alex was reaching for the doorknob._

_Alex looks back at her curiously and Lena curses her mouth for speaking before her brain had a chance to properly catch up. She blames the late hours, the scotch, just general idiocy. Anything other than the loneliness and the gaping hole that Kara used to fill that has been nagging at her to ask this since Alex first walked into her office._

_“What?” Alex asks, somewhat impatiently, when Lena hesitates._

_“How-“ Lena’s voice comes out cracked and unsure and she clears her throat to hide it. “How is Kara?”_

_At the mention of her sister, Alex’s expression softens slightly._

_“She’s doing well, I think,” Alex says. “She won’t really talk about what happened, about what Lillian did to her, but she’s back at work, both jobs, and seems to be okay.”_

_Lena nods, a little happy and a little something else that she can’t quite place. Silence hangs between them for a second as Lena tries to decide if she wants to pry more and Alex waits to see if she’s going to respond._

_“I… I’m glad,” Lena decides to go with._

_It’s not quite enough to describe everything she’s feeling just at the thought of Kara. It’s getting harder and harder to not say ‘fuck it’ and ignore everything that Lena wanted to fix about herself. But it’s actually Alex who has kept her from crumbling in the face of her desires. Alex seems to be everything Lena wants to be: steadfastly good, with an unerringly pointed moral compass, doggedly loyal, and casually strong. She takes no bullshit and doesn;t change herself for anyone or anything that isn’t worth it. In the week and a half they have spent together, Lena has come to appreciate why Kara held her sister on such a pedestal._

_And if Alex’s example of character weren’t enough to persuade Lena to remain strong herself, her protectiveness of Kara certainly was. It was upon meeting Alex that she figured out an actual metric of exactly who she would be when she was good enough for Kara and the answer was someone Alex would approve of. A high standard, to be sure, but not an impossible one._

_Alex, still standing by the door, drew Lena’s wandering mind back to her by awkwardly shifting her weight. She seemed contemplative for a second before her expression morphed into one of someone who has made a decision they’re not sure if they’ll regret or not._

_“She misses you,” she says. “Like, a lot. She doesn’t talk about it, but I know her, better than anyone, and she’s been…sad.”_

_Lena’s chest hurts a little at the admission. She tries to picture Kara missing her and somehow the image can’t form. She has so many people, family and friends, who are so much better than Lena. How could she miss her as much as Alex seems to think she does?_

_“I, um,” Alex says, stuttering a little over her words. “I think I understand why you’re staying away from her and I get it. I probably would have done the same thing. She may be made of steel but you still want to protect her from yourself, and from your life. I did it for_ years _back in college when I was having a hard time and then when I joined the DEO. But you just need to remember that there comes a point where you aren’t protecting her anymore. So don’t… don’t hold back too long. When all of this is over… go back to her.”_

_Lena feels the pricking of tears in the backs of her eyes. The usual frustration she would feel at someone figuring her out the way Alex has doesn’t come. Instead, she lets Alex’s words flow over her. They feel almost like approval. And so Lena lets herself stop fighting and nods._

_“Okay,” Lena says._

_“And hey,” Alex adds, cracking a grin. “Maybe once all this is over, you and I can grab a beer sometime. Hang out sometime without all this stuff.”_

_“I would like that,” Lena says politely._

_Alex nods and grins._

_“Well then, goodnight Ms. Luthor,” Alex says._

_“Goodnight, Agent Danvers.”_

 

* * *

 

It takes a couple of days for Snapper to give her the approval to go to Metropolis but, as soon as he does, she’s flying there as quickly as she can. Clark had promisedto meet her so they could catch coffee before she delves into the story so she meets him at a cafe and tells him about her what she's working on. As soon as she mentions the part of town that aliens apparently couldn't enter, his brow furrows. 

“I don’t… I can’t remember the last time I went there,” he says thoughtfully. “I haven’t even gone there to save someone recently.”

“Really?” Kara asks, intrigued.

“No, I mean, as far as I can remember nothing disastrous ever happened there and for some reason I always felt I could leave the smaller robberies and fires to the authorities.”

Kara feels a dangerous mix of apprehension and excitement creep into her. She wants to know what this is about more than anything, but she’s pretty sure that whatever she finds most likely won’t be friendly.

“Look Kara,” Clark says, leaning in close. His eyes are wide and so, so caring. “I know you want to do this on your own, but just remember that if you need me, I’m there. I’ll go with you if you want and if you run into trouble-“

“I’ll call you,” she says. “El-Mayara.”

“El-Mayara,” Clark parrots back.

Their lunch is cut short by a warehouse fire that Clark rushes off to deal with. He offers to have Kara join but she declines. No one needs to know that Supergirl is in Metropolis and she has her own metaphorical fire to deal with. Just before he pushes off, Clark manages to draw one more promise that Kara will call at the first sign of danger and then he’s gone.

Kara pushes off the ground as well, flying as quickly as she can into the cover of the clouds and over the city. She’s nearing the area the Vroshteht mentioned when all of her instincts tell her to touch down _right now_. Deciding that, if she’s going to get dizzy and nauseous, flying might not be the best idea, she finds an alley to duck into.

She looks around and everything seems normal. She’s on the outskirts of the financial center of Metropolis. To her back, there are sky-scrapers, housing banks and accounting firms and stock brokerages, in front of her are the smaller business, living in three and four story buildings. She can feel the urge that Vroshteht told her about. It’s small, unobtrusive, and if she hadn’t been looking for it she wouldn’t have noticed it, but she doesn’t want to go forward. If she weren’t so determined to find what she wants, she would have turned around by now.

Kara forces herself to continue forward, pulling out the crude map Vroshteht had drawn for her. There was a circle, with a radius of about a mile where aliens wouldn’t go. Kara had looked up the businesses at the center but none of them had called out to her at all. She follows the map as well as she can, though every instinct she has is telling her to veer off and leave the circle.

She keeps going. When she’s about halfway there, the quiet feeling becomes something more. Now, instead of a passive feeling of wanting to be elsewhere, alarm bells start to go off in her mind. She can feel her pulse racing and the hair on her arms standing up, Kara recognizes the fear response for what it is and she contemplates leaving and calling Clark for back-up.

“No,” she mutters to herself, psyching herself up. “That’s whatever the hell this is talking. You’re not actually scared. You’re okay.”

She keeps walking. She’s a quarter of the way there when the dizziness sets in. It’s onset is slow, but when she looks up a little too quickly at one point, she finds herself swaying and having to catch herself against the wall to keep from falling. She forces herself to breathe through her nose until she feels steady enough to continue. The nausea follows quickly, and Kara’s suddenly glad she only ate a muffin when she met with Clark because she’s pretty sure that anything more would have her throwing up on the sidewalk.

Her vision is hazy and her head is pounding by the time she makes it to the center of the circle. In front of her, is an innocuous-looking building with the words Sync Tech emblazoned on the front in modern, purple letters. Past her pounding headache, Kara remembers reading about them. They had gone from a small start-up fifteen years ago to a veritably powerhouse in the technological advancement community. They consulted for the US Army, and pretty much every major company in the United States, and a few abroad. But as far as Kara had been able to tell, they hadn’t had any anti-alien leanings or anything to do with aliens at all.

Kara pulls out her phone and sends a message to Clark, though it’s hard to focus on the screen as the letters swim in and out of her vision.

**_I dnt need ur help rn but if I dnt txt again in 15 mins call Alex._ **

Her phone buzzes with a reply almost immediately.

**Are you okay?**

**_Feel awful. Stay away. 15. Alex._ **  
****

**Okay cuz. If you’re sure.**  
****

**_I am_ **  
****

Kara pockets her phone again and makes her way into the building. The man at the front desk seems normal enough and he blanches when he sees her.  
****

“Ma’am,” he says, stepping around the table to put his hand on her elbow in support. “Are you alright?”

Kara sways a little but, using every once of willpower she has, she forces herself to stand up.

“I’m fine,” she says, though as soon as she speaks she’s hit with a wave of nausea.

“Uh, okay…” the man. “Can I help you?”

It’s then that Kara realizes that she never really had a plan for what she would do when she arrived. And while normally she would be able to come up with a story on the spot, right now it’s hard to think at all.

“Yes, I was wondering if I could speak to your boss,” she manages to say. “I have some questions.”

The man furrows his brow.

“Question? About what?”

Kara scrambles to think of something plausible without passing out but she’s saved by the phone ringing.

“Give me one sec,” he says, polite despite his confusion.

Kara nods and takes the opportunity to close her eyes and try and keep herself from falling apart. It only makes the spinning worse though, so she snaps them back open.

“Yes, ma'am, right away,” the secretary says and then he hangs up. “The boss says she’ll meet you down in the labs. If you’d follow me please.”

Kara nods gratefully and follows behind him to the elevators. She tries to make the way she’s leaning against the wall seem casual and like it’s not the only thing holding her up. The feeling gets worse, if possible as they go lower and by the time the elevator doors open again, Kara’s legs are precariously close to giving out and everything in front of her is a blur as her eyes struggle to focus. She stumbles her way out of the elevator, and only a pair of strong arms, wrapped around her waist, keeps her standing.

“Thank you, Martin,” Kara hears a familiar voice say. “You may leave.”

The edges of Kara’s vision start to dim as the throbbing in her head increases. The last thing she catches sight of as she crumples is Lillian Luthor’s serene smile.


	12. Chapter 12

_“Okay, here are the schematics for the building,” J’onn’s says gruffly to the agents gathered in front of him. “We will enter from the north and south entrances. Winn’s thermal scans of the building give us reason to believe that there is a basement level that is not shown on these schematics. Getting there is our goal. Be careful upon entering though. We do not know what we’ll find down there.”_

_Lena leans back against the far wall of the DEO's Metropolis base. They’d flown to the city the night before under assumed names and the cover of darkness. Now, Lena gets to see up close and personal the way the DEO mobilizes when they have to. The agents in front of her stand shoulder to shoulder, carrying their own weight in body armor and weapons. They’ve been going over this plan for a day and a half. J’onn’s speech is only a reminder._

_Part of Lena is frustrated that she is not being included in the plan to raid the building. She feels like there must be something she can do, but logically she knows that she isn’t at all trained for this. It just feels a little cheap to let the DEO finish off what she’s been working on for weeks._

_“We get in, we get out,” Alex adds. “We are looking for Lillian Luthor and Hank Henshaw. Be advised: Hank Henshaw has been enhanced. He has superior strength, is impervious to anything less powerful than armor piercing rounds, and he can also shoot lasers out of one of his eyes. Be aware of that as you approach. Also be advised that targets are likely to have backup of their own who might be wielding alien weaponry.”_

_“Anything to add Miss Luthor?” J’onn asks, turning to her._

_All of the agents turn to face her, their expressions indecipherable. Lena wonders what they think of her. Is she just another Luthor? Do they respect her? Or is their attention only an effort to please the Director?_

_“Don’t underestimate my mother,” she says. “She always has a trump card and she has no sense of mercy or humanity. Do not think that she values your lives in any way. Also… thank you, for doing this._ _I know a lot of people think I’m just like my family. And, in some ways they’re right. I was raised by them and I’ve learned a lot from them. But I don’t hate aliens. I don’t fear aliens even. And Supergirl… she is very dear to me. I want any threat to her behind bars as much as any of you… maybe even more. So thank you, for doing what I cannot.”_

_A ripple of surprise goes through the crowd and Lena doesn't think she's imagining the way the agents relax a little._

_“You’re welcome, Miss Luthor,” J’onn says. “But we’re not doing it for you. Agents, prepare yourselves. We depart in-“_

_Alex’s phone rings, cutting J’onn off. She pulls it out of her holster and her brown furrows immediately at whatever she sees on the screen._

_“Superman?” she answers. “Is everything alright?”_

_The whole room goes stock still at the sound of Superman’s name and J’onn looks at Alex intensely as he waits for more information. Lena hopes that if Superman needs the DEO’s help it can wait because she’s afraid the longer they wait to put her mother away, the more chances there are of her escaping forever._

_“Winn,” Alex says, voice suddenly desperate. “I need you to pull up Supergirl’s tracker. Where is she right now?”_

_“On it,” Winn’s voice crackles over the speakers. He’s still in National City since his work can all be done remotely, but he’s had their whole conversation in his ears, ready at a moment’s notice. “Oh, shit, we lost track of the signal about ten minutes ago. She was nearing… okay, that’s… shit. She was nearing 4500 Alamo Ave, in Metropolis.”_

_Lena’s heart nearly falls into her stomach. The address is familiar. It should be since she's been staring at it for days and it is currently flashing on the screen behind her for all the agents to see. 4500 Alamo Ave is the address that they were planning to raid just a few minutes ago. It's where Lillian Luthor is._

_“Agents!” J’onn says, calling everyone attention back to him. “Prepare to depart in ten minutes. Supergirl is on the scene and is potentially incapacitated. The new goal of the mission is rescue. She is our priority.”_

_The agents all hustle off to finish their last minute preparation and load into the vans they’ll be using to get to the company. Lena pushes off the wall and all but runs over to where Alex is still on the phone with Superman._

_“Okay, we're going in, Superman. Stay on standby,” Alex says and hangs up._

_“What happened?” J’onn asks._

_“She was chasing a story,” Alex says, shaking her head. “You know how stubborn she can be when she finds something she’s interested in. Apparently some alien told her that there’s this area in Metropolis, about a mile radius around Sync Tech where aliens won’t go. It makes them feel sick and get headaches and all that. Kara, of course,” Alex bites out, “decided that it was fine for her to go, completely alone without back up. She texted Clark about fifteen minutes ago saying that she felt terrible but that she was going to keep going and if she didn’t text back he should call me.”_

_“Damn it!” J’onn says. “Okay, we go in strong. If it affects all aliens, I may not be able to go with you but I’ll go as far as I can. They must know we’re coming for her so be prepared to meet resistance.”_

_Alex nods and then walks off to finish her preparations. J’onn turns to look at Lena._

_“Can you think of anything that would ward off all aliens regardless of species?”_

_Lena shakes her head._

_“No, I’ve never heard of anything like that. I know that Lex found all sorts of things, pheromones, toxic substances like kryptonite, and the like to keep aliens at bay but they were all species-specific. I don’t know of anything he had that could do this.”_

_“Winn!! Scan the area, see if you can find out what it is,” he says._

_“On it boss, but if I don’t at least have an idea of what I’m looking for it might take a while.”_

_“Start with sound frequencies or something like that,” Lena says. “According to budget reports, Sync Tech’s latest project had to do with improvements in specificity of frequencies on radio waves.”_

_“On it,” Winn says._

_Lena steps back and panic starts to close up her throat. Kara is alone and at her mother’s mercy and Lena doesn’t want to imagine what might happen. She suddenly feels like an idiot for pushing Kara away. Maybe if she hadn’t Kara wouldn’t be there or she would have told Lena about it and Lena could have protected her. Or maybe they at least would have had the last ten days together instead of Lena taking long nights at the office to avoid sleeping alone and putting her phone at the bottom of her drawer to resist the urge to text Kara._

_“We’ll get her back,” J’onn says, his hands pressing down comfortingly on her shoulders. “I promise you, we will not let anything happen to her.”_

_Lena looks up at him and sees worry mixed with kindness in his eyes._

_“It’s time for me to go,” he says. “Stay strong, Miss Luthor.”_

_She nods and then he’s walking off and Lena’s left pressing her hands to her chest to try and calm down her heart._

* * *

Kara is jolted awake by a backhand across the face. She speeds across the room, trying to get her bearings, but just ends up falling to her knees as the dizziness sets back in. She looks up blearily and sees Lillian and Hank standing shoulder to shoulder across the room from her. She tries to stand to try and take them down but just ends up falling down to her elbows. It’s hard but she pushes herself up so that she’s half-leaning against the wall and glares. Lillian, in turn, regards her curiously and then sighs as if disappointed.

“I thought, when you appeared at the front desk, that you had somehow figured out a way around the signal. But it seems that you haven’t. It also seems that you’ve come without back-up,” she says.

“I don’t need backup,” Kara growls and she tries to take a step forward but she ends up falling back and closing her eyes against the blinding pain behind her eyelids.

“How does it feel?” Lillian asks. “I’m a little curious. I wasn’t in National City when Myriad was launched so I’ve never experienced it. People have told me it’s quite painful.”

“Myriad?” Kara gasps out, not quite able to follow what is happening.

“Yes,” Lillian says. “Quite the gift from your… aunt and uncle right? Lex wasn’t sure about the relationship at first, but he hypothesized that you were related. After all, you were seen showing _mercy_ to those who would have destroyed your city. Never a good idea, Supergirl.”

“I don’t… I don’t understand.”

“I suppose that makes sense. I’ve heard the headache can be quite blinding. So I will explain it to you as simply as I can, so that you don’t have to do too much thinking. After Myriad happened, the government seized the devices that the Kryptonians used to disrupt the radio waves and control human minds. This technology, of course, ended up with Cadmus. The technology was gorgeous, years and years ahead of anything we humans have been working on. It was hard to figure out how to fine-tune it for the purpose of mind control. But to use it to cause immense amounts of pain to anything non-human? Well that was easy. After all, no aliens were affected by Myriad, we just had to reverse the settings. What better way to keep aliens away than low-level mind control.”

Kara groans. She has to get out. That’s the only thing she’s aware of past the blinding pain in her head that threatens to black out her vision. She looks around for some sort of escape, but she can only see a door, which could lead just about anywhere, and the elevator and she doesn’t think Lillian will just let her wait until it arrives. Kara begins to grow more and more desperate and with a finally thought of ‘fuck it’ she goes to take off.

Her goal is to fly up and out until she’s far away enough from the Myriad signal to no longer feel it’s effects. She doesn’t make it that far. Henshaw, clearly anticipating her move, dashes forward to catch her by the ankle as she goes to fly off and slams her down into the ground. It doesn’t hurt, but it jolts her and the nausea that’s been building leaves her dry-heaving on the floor.

“Let her go,” Lillian sighs.

Henshaw glances back at her in surprise.

“She can’t do anything to us in this state. And, unfortunately, we have to go. While she may not have come with backup, they’ll certainly start searching for her soon. Get Lex from upstairs and meet me up top. We’ve got to get moving.”

Henshaw doesn’t hesitate to head to the elevator, leaving Kara strewn on the ground with Lillian looing down at her. Lillian takes two steps closer and eyes Kara intensely.

“Coming here alone was stupid, Supergirl,” Lillian says. “I was surprised when you found the base. I thought I’d covered my tracks well enough. But you came here not knowing what you'd find. How did you figure it out? You know what? It doesn't actually matter. You clearly did not coming expecting to find me or you would have brought that sister of yours and the Martian along.”

Lillian reaches out to brush a strand of hair out of Kara’s face, and looks at her with a look of what might have been tender if her lips hadn’t been thinned in disgust.

“What is it about you?” Lillian asks, though the question is clearly rhetorical. “How were you able to seduce my daughter, and even turn my beautiful boy against me? That’s something even Superman was never able to do.”

“I _love_ Lena,” Kara spits out. “And I didn’t turn Lex against you. You did that all on your own.”

Lillian’s hand goes to her hair and yanks her head back violently, her teeth bared.

“Don’t you dare speak his name. A creature like you has no right.”

Lillian shoves Kara back harshly against the ground and the jolt has Kara seeing spots.

“Look at you,” Lillian sneers as she stands over her. “So weak and pathetic. The things I would do to you if I had the time, but I’m afraid I have to go. Don’t worry, Supergirl. I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other again soon.”  
  
Lillian turns and starts to make her way down the hall without a second glance back. Kara does her best to scramble up to standing. She can't let LiIlian get away from her again. She only makes it halfway to her feet, though, before the world tilts on it's axis and everything goes black.

* * *

 

_They leave Lena in the van with a stoic-looking man who doesn’t even look at her twice before training his eyes on the door of Synch Tech and not moving. She can hear the crackle of the radios from where she sits but she can't see anything of interest. Alex and her team had slipped out of the van about ten minutes before but they have yet to storm the building and Lena is starting to get antsy. The longer Kara is in there, the more anxious she feels. Lena knows that her mother has the ability to kill Kara if given enough time and Lena hates that that’s exactly what they’re giving her._

_“B Team head to the rear of the building and hold. Watch the roof and all exits,” Alex’s voice fills the van._

_There’s a pause, and then “B Team is in position.”_

_“All teams check in,” Alex says._

_“A team in position.”_

_“B team in position.”_

_“C team in position.”_

_“All right teams, we are a go. Head in.”_

_The comms stay silent for so long that Lena thinks she might go insane, then she hears a hail of gunfire from in the building and she flinches. The comms quickly come alive with activity._

_“C team, we need back up!” Alex shouts. “B team hold.”_

_The hail of gunfire only increases and Lena has to bite back the wave of panic that flows over her. She’s terrified that someone will get killed in there because she knows, without a doubt, that it will be her fault. It's her mother in there, using her brother's technology._

_A loud bang sounds out from Sync Tech and light flashes from the windows and then everything goes silent for a minute until Alex’s voice breaks the silence._

_“It worked Winn.”_

_Winn whoops over the comms._

_“What was that?” she asks, her companion, who just stares ahead stoically._

_“That’s my design actually,” Winn chirps over the radio, startling Lena. She hadn’t known that the van was linked to the comms and she's surprised when she gets a response. “But it was your idea.”_

_“What do you mean?” she asks._

_“I retrofitted the blackbody field generator you had at the gala. I made it portable, fits in a briefcase, and I tuned it specifically to the frequency that Henshaw’s electronic parts radiate at. Essentially, it works as a localized EMP. Pretty cool, huh?”_

_“Yeah,” Lena says. “That’s pretty cool.”_

_But, she isn’t really paying attention anymore because the radios have come back to life._

_“C team, get him out of here before he recovers. We don’t know how long the effects of Winn’s device will last. Remember, he's enhanced so handcuff him in prometihum alright? Make sure you have the device on hand if he gets up again.”_

_“Yes, ma’am,” the C team leader responds and the next thing Lena knows, Henshaw is being dragged, unconscious out of Sych Tech._

_“Do we have eyes on Supergirl?” Alex asks next and Lena perks up, hoping for a positive answer._

_A chorus of negatives rings out and Lena is barely able to catch Alex’s quiet swear under her breath._

_“Keep going,” Alex says. “Get to the basement.”_

_Lena starts to fidget in earnest when everything goes quiet again. Her heart is racing. She wants to find Kara, she needs her to be okay. It’s several long minutes before Lena hears a quiet ‘shit’ ring out over the comms and then Alex’s voice loud and clear._

_“Agent Lehman, can you please escort Miss Luthor into the building. There’s something she should see.”_

_Lena feels her heart drop into her chest. She reasons that Kara is fine, that if they’d found her they would have said so and that if she was hurt, Alex would sound much more upset. Still, her mind can't help but jump to all the worst case scenarios where Kara is beaten and bloody, or worse. She lets herself get herded out of the car and she stalls between wanting to go in and see what’s going on, and not wanting to know._

_When she walks into the building, the front hall looks like a war-zone, completely destroyed despite the fact that the DEO had only rushed in ten minutes before. The front desk is flipped over and bullet holes riddle walls. The air is hazy with dust and smoke rising from the destroyed computers that smolder quietly where they're left on the ground. There is a streak of blood on the ground and Lena's not sure who it belongs to. There are two agents stationed by the door, their guns trained on a young man who seems about one more gunshot away from peeing his pants. They nod to Agent Lehman when he enters and gestures down the hall to the left._

_She and Agent Lehman go down the hall together and they turn into the room at the end which is being guarded by two more somber-looking DEO guards. Alex steps out before Lena can go in and there’s something in her expression that makes Lena’s blood run cold. She looks almost… sorry for her._

_“What is it?” Lena asks._

_“It’s… your brother,” Alex says and the words seem wrenched out of her, as if by force._

_Lena looks at her once, takes in the blood on her hands and her drawn expression, and then she pushes past her into the room. Alex makes a noise of protest but she doesn’t make a move to stop her and she doesn't follow her._

_The room Lena enters looks like a hospital room, though it was very clearly hastily thrown together, with a bed in the middle of the room and a heart-rate monitor beeping quietly in the corner. It smells sterile and mildly of blood._ _Lex lies in the bed, eyes closed and skin so pallid it looks grey under the fluorescent lights. For a second, Lena thinks he’s dead. The wave of emotions that hits her in that moment where she thinks he's dead will take her years and likely multiple therapists to unravel. But the relief that she feels when she sees him shift under the thin sheet over him is as clear as it is strong. She closes the distance between and scans his body for wounds. There are cuts all over his face and arms, small ones, but she can see that most of the damage is to his abdomen where there’s a thick bandage that is stained rust red with blood._

_“I was a little too close to the bomb,” Lex rasps, startling Lena. “Shrapnel hit my left lung and nicked my heart. They’ve tried to fix it but it’s kind of been shredded.”_

_She looks up to find his blue eyes trained on her, his expression soft even through the pain. Lena isn’t sure what to do. As if seeing him again after years, after he saved her and Kara, after everything weren’t confusing enough, the realization that he’s probably going to die soon wrecks her. She takes his hand gently in hers and it’s familiar despite the scars criss-crossing across his skin._

_“Lex,” she says softly, unsure of what else she could possibly say._

_“I’m sorry,” Lex says, squeezing her fingers, though he can barely put any force behind the action._ _“I forgot along the way that I was supposed to protect you. I know you disagree with me on… well, just about everything, but you’re my sister and I should have been there.”_

_“Lex, stop talking,” Lena says._

_“I have to. There’s things I have to say before… I was a bad brother. I owed you more than I ever gave you. So I'm going to give you the only thing I can right now: Advice. I know that you… love her but don’t get too cozy, don’t let your guard down. She may have no plans to take over yet, but beings with such superior power cannot remain subordinate for long. There will come a time when they will realize what they can do… Please Lena, you have to be there to stop them.”_

_Lena hates this, hates that she’s here, holding her brother’s hand maybe for the last time, and he’s spewing the same rhetoric he always has. She wants to do what she always used to, to argue and tell him all the ways that he’s wrong, but she can’t. She can’t do anything but let the tears stream down her face and grip to his hand and shake her head._

_“I love you, Lena,” Lex says, his breathing getting sharp. “And I need to know that you’ll be safe so promise me. If they go to far, you have to stop them.”_

_Everything Lena is feeling right now is too much. It's too much and Lena can't handle it, and she especially can't hand the worried expression on Lex's face._

_“I promise,” Lena says, and she ignores the sour taste the words leave in her mouth._

_She can’t deny him his dying wish, and it's not really a lie. If, for some reason, against all odds, Kara does step out of line, Lena knows that she will be there to set her straight. She doesn’t need to promise Lex that. She knows where the boundaries are. Sure they're blurry and shifting but Lena would be able to recognize when and if Kara steps too far. And while, she doesn't want to think about being at odds with her, she knows that she would step up and do what was done. But still, making that promise feels wrong because she unconditionally trusts Kara not to go that far. And promising Lex that she will take Kara down, knowing his history and how he feels about aliens, tugs at her gut. It gets him to relax though, and the maniacal expression he bore only seconds earlier fades into something softer._

_“I’ve been fighting this,” Lex says. “I hoped to see you again, so I could talk to you. And now I have. It's been so tiring, Lena. I love you.”_

_Lena almost asks what he means, but then his eyes are drifting closed and the heart-rate monitor on the other side of the bed starts to go wild. Lena tightens her grip on his hand and tries to find some way to help him though he knows it's useless. Lena sobs as Lex breathes one last shuddering breath and then goes completely still. The steady wail of the heart-rate machine rakes at her nerves. She loves him. She hates him. She’s sad he’s gone, there’s a gaping hole in her chest that she's not sure can be filled. She’s relieved that his evil is gone from the world, relieved she won’t have to deal with him anymore. She cries and cries and isn’t sure if she’s sad or happy or just scared._

_She cries until she hears shouts outside the room, startling her into standing. She wipes her eyes and drops Lex’s hand, taking a second until she feels composed. She knows that the people outside this room won’t blink twice to find him dead. They won’t care, they may even celebrate. Only Alex might understand, but even she could care less about him. So she cleans herself up until she feels like she’s marginally presentable, and then she walks out of the room._

_As soon as she does, her heart lurches. Down the hall, she sees Kara being carried up by two men, her arm slung over each of their shoulders, apparently unconcious. Pushing any thoughts about her brother to the side, Lena rushes over to Kara. She has to remind herself not to shove Alex, who is cupping Kara’s face looking for injury and she holds herself back, allowing Alex the access she needs, but Lena’s hands itch with the desire to fix whatever is hurting Kara._

_“Ma’am,” a DEO agent says cautiously as she approaches them. “We’ve swept the whole building. There’s no sign of Lillian Luthor.”_

_Alex backs away from Kara and slams her hand against the wall in anger, swearing violently. Lena feels a similar rage boiling up in her chest and her vision narrows until the only thing she can see is Kara. She’s unconscious and limp and all Lena can think about is the three days she lay unconscious in Lena’s lap courtesy of her mother’s designs. She thinks about how Lex, who saved them and who she had loved more than anyone else for most of her life and who had loved her back. She thinks about how Lillian has been the worst part of her life since she was adopted, always making her feel inferior, making her doubt herself. She thinks about Cadmus and Kara and Lex and every alien on the planet and every person Lillian has hurt. Lena thinks about Lillian and she sees red._

_She’s only half aware of what she’s doing when she grabs Alex’s gun off her holster and marches down the stairs to the basement. She doesn’t hear Alex calling after her or telling the DEO agents who, upon seeing a Luthor with a gun, have all gotten a little antsy. She only hears the rush of blood in her head and the angry beating of her own heart. There’s a singular thought in her head and that is that Lillian was here. She must have been and with every exit covered, there’s no way she got away. She_ has _to be here._

_She scours the basement where they found Kara, knowing that, considering Lillian's penchant for gloating, it was the most likely place she would have been. At first glance, it seems the DEO agents were right and that, somehow, Lillian got away. But Lena doesn’t think that’s possible. She refuses to believe that's possible. They DEO had clearly caught Henshaw by surprise and Lena had never seen him away from her mother’s side for long. And, as betrayed as Lillian may have felt, there was no way she would have left her precious boy to die._

_It’s small. It’s nothing really. Lena could easily have missed it but her eye catches the seam of a wall at the far end of the corridor. It looks a little wrong somehow, as if it didn’t quite connect with the ground below it. She shoots the wall twice, drawing the attention of a swarm of DEO agents headed by Alex who come rushing in after her. Lena looks at the wall, and can’t help but grin in satisfaction; Instead of two round bullet holes in plaster, there are only dents where the bullets had landed. Unlike every other wall in the basement, this one is metal._

_“It’s a fake door,” Alex says in awe. “Let’s get that open, now!”_

_Lena doesn’t bother waiting for them to scramble into action. Instead, she presses her hands against the wall on the right of the fake door until her fingers slide over a hidden control panel that blinks to life for a second at the press of her palm. Sync Tech was an old Luthor Corp facility and if Lex had built the secret door he would have programmed her plan print into it. Sure enough, the metal door in front of her swings open and Lena ducks in before the DEO agents can even react._

_On the other side is a long, dark hallway and Lena immediately knows that it’s an escape tunnel. She takes off into a sprint immediately. It’s been years since she ran like this, maybe since high school gym class, but she doesn’t think about it twice. There’s more than enough adrenaline in her system to carry her through a marathon. She runs and runs, following the winding tunnel until, in the distance, haloed by the light of an exit she sees Lillian, fast-walking her way out of the building, always too dignified to truly run._

_“Stop!” Lena shouts, raising her gun. “I will shoot!”_

_Lillian freezes and turns slowly, a sardonic grin across her features._

_“Oh, Lena, you wouldn’t. You can’t.”_

_Lena doesn’t waver. She could shoot now. She could do it easily. The mental image of shooting Lillian in the middle of the chest and seeing the blood flow across her chest is so satisfying that she almost does. But there’s a small part of her mind that past the white hot anger and grief, still holds onto some sanity._

_“He’s dead,” Lena says, coldly. “Lex is dead.”_

_Lillian flinches a little but it’s hardly the reaction Lena expected. Lex had been her precious little boy, her angel. Lillian had been utterly distraught when he’d been sent to prison, but she hardly seems to react to Lena’s words. Lena wonders if Lillian has ever had a genuine emotion in her life, or if everything she's ever pretended to feel has been for show._

_“It’s his own fault,” Lillian says, dismissively, though her voice is tight. “He set off that bomb on his own. He killed himself.”_

_“No,” Lena says. “You killed him. You made him the way he was. He hated father but he adored you and he built himself in your image as much as he could, didn’t he. But he wasn’t like you. He was always kind at heart, and you twisted him.”_

_“I didn’t-“ Lillian starts but Lena is tired of hearing her argue, tried of her protests and her word games._

_“You said I couldn’t shoot you, but I could,” Lena says, her voice like daggers. “I really, really could right now. But I don’t think you fear death and I don’t think you deserve a quick ending here. You deserve to rot in a cell somewhere. You deserve to suffer for an eternity for what you did to me, to Lex, to everyone. I won’t shoot, but I won’t have to. If you try to run, they’ll shoot you for me.”_

_The DEO agents have finally caught up to them and Lena can hear them with their guns up and ready. Alex steps past her, handcuffs in hand and simply says._

_“Lillian Luthor, you are under arrest. I won’t read you your rights because, until we hand you off to the police, you don’t have any.”_

_Lillian glares at Alex for one second before she shifts her gaze to Lena. For once, she doesn’t say anything, no victorious quip, no overwrought declaration about how Lena hasn’t actually won. Nothing except hard eyes and a dark grimace. Lena matches her gaze steadily until Alex drags her out of Lena’s line of sight._


	13. Chapter 13

Kara knows that she’s under the sunlamps before she’s even fully conscious. She’s unreasonably warm and she can hear the quiet hustle and bustle of the DEO in the background. Other than a headache, she feels completely fine. She shifts cautiously under the blankets, struggling to remember what she did that got her here. Her memories are jumbled and hazy, as if someone had taken them and shaken them up before dumping them back into her mind with no rhyme or reason to them. She remembers going to metropolis to follow Vroshteth’s lead and then… she’d walked to the center of the circle he’d drawn. She thinks she walked into a building but then everything really gets muddled and Kara’s head starts to hurt even more so she stops trying to figure it out. She opens her eyes and groans, shutting them immediately as the bright light from the lamps feels like it's driving straight into her skull.

“Remember all those times you made fun of me for being hungover?” Kara hears Alex say. She’s not speaking loudly but god, the way her words echo through Kara’s head makes it feels like she’s shouting. “Yeah, I imagine that's what this feels like.”

“Shhh,” Kara pleads.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Am I speaking too loudly?” Alex asks, raising her voice slightly.

“Alex,” Kara whines.

“Hmmmm, no, I’m not going to be quiet. Do you know why?”

Kara takes a deep breath and forces her eyes open again until she can look at her sister. Alex is leaning over her bed, looking remarkably angry and simultaneously worried. Kara doesn’t know anyone else who has quite mastered the melding of those to emotions like Alex.

“I did something dangerous?” Kara guesses. She still doesn’t quite remember.

“Dangerous? Yeah. Reckless? Yeah. You knew that place made aliens sick and you still dragged your alien ass there, as if what? You’d be exempt? It wouldn’t hurt you?”

“I’m Supergirl,” Kara replies petulantly.

She thinks, given some time, she could have come up with a better response but Alex is just being _so loud_. She really wishes she would stop, at least long enough for Kara to figure out what the hell she’d done wrong this time. She figures she found whatever was causing her nausea and headache before, and whatever it was had lingered.

“ _I’m Supergirl_ ,” Alex mocks. “Being Supergirl didn’t stop the reverse Myriad ray from hurting you. Being Supergirl didn’t stop Lillian Luthor from rendering you entirely unconscious. Do you know what Winn told me? He calculated that if you had been there for even ten minutes longer, you would have hemorrhaged into your brain. You could have _died_ , Kara. So screw the Supergirl bullshit. You’re not invincible and we both know it.”

Kara closes her eyes so that she doesn’t have to look at the way Alex looks like she might cry if she lets herself stop being angry. Myriad and Lillian Luthor. The memories start to come back to her slowly and pieces start to fall together. She remembers the blinding pain, the way her vision had swam in and out, the way she’d struggled to stay conscious. She knows that Winn was probably right. She tries not to think about it.

“How did you find me?”

Alex sighs and the fight seems to go out of her because her voice gets softer when she speaks next.

“Superman texted me saying that you hadn’t texted him back after the fifteen minute window you gave him and that he was worried. We used your Supergirl tracker to find you. It’s a strange coincidence that you ended up there because Lena and I had actually been working to -“

“Lena?” Kara asks, sitting up quickly. “You’ve seen Lena?”

Alex eyes her curiously and then nods slowly.

“Yes, she’s been helping us find her mother. We tracked finances from an L-Corp subsidiary that Lillian had been using to direct funds into Cadmus’s accounts. The accounts led us to Sync Tech, which is where _you_ were.”

“Vroshteth said that no aliens would go there.”

“Yeah,” Alex says. “Lillian had protected it by putting up a Myriad signal. Scared away any aliens that got close. It’s what messed with your head. You know most people would back away if something made them feel like that but no, you of course have to dive right into the thick of it, don’t you?”

“I’m sorry, Alex,” Kara says.

“I know you are,” Alex replies. “But sorry isn’t enough. You know that old saying, ‘it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission’? Well, you could stand to ask permission every once in a while.”

“Alex, I had to go investigate-“  
  
“I’m not saying you stop doing what you need to do. Just loop us in so that we can help!” Alex interrupts sharply. “What happened to El Mayarah? That doesn’t just apply to you and Clark, y’know? You should ask me for help and J’onn and the DEO. We’re all here to support you. Why can’t you get that?”

Kara tries to think of an answer, a good one. She knows that Alex won’t be satisfied with the answer that first comes to mind, which is that Alex is human and fragile. To be honest, she knows that that’s not how El Mayarah works. Kryptonians believed that everyone had strengths and everyone could help in some way and accepting the help that _everyone_ was the best way to prosper. Her mother would be appalled that she’d run off like this own her own. Thinking that Alex is fragile isn’t the real reason she doesn’t want her involved. The real reason is that Alex is mortal and so are J’onn and Winn and James and Lena and Kara _loves_ them. She loves every single one of them so much it hurts sometimes when she remembers that they can die, that they are people she can lose.

“I’m sorry,” Kara mumbles. “I just… I don’t want to lose you.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t want to lose you either dummy, and I’m the older sister here so what I want matters more,” Alex snipes back and Kara laughs softly.

Alex sits next to Kara and takes her hand, holding it tightly for a few minutes. Kara’s headache is already starting to subside, being chased away by the power of the sun lamps and the comfort of her sister at her side.

“I love you,” Kara says out of the blue.

She feels like she needs to say it, both to soothe Alex and because she feels like she doesn’t say it enough. Alex turns to look at her, her expression so, so soft.

“I love you too, you big dumb alien,” Alex replies. "Always.”

Kara nods and closes her eyes again. She’s kind of tired and the gentle warmth of the lamps and Alex’s steady heartbeat are doing a good job of soothing her back into sleep. She’s just about to drift off when Alex’s voice wakes her again.

“You know who else loves you?” she asks.

“Hmmm,” Kara hums sleepily. “Eliza?”

Alex laughs.

“Yes, but… no. I was talking about a certain CEO.”

“I know,” Kara says. “I know, but she said she needed space.”

Alex nods.

“Yes, well, from what I learned working with her the last two weeks is that she’s about as good at taking care of herself as you are. And she’s just as self-sacrificing.”

Kara isn’t sure why Alex is telling her this. She _knows_. She knows that Lena would rather die than hurt her or anyone else she cares about. Which means that as long as she’s worried that she’s going to hurt Kara, she won’t want to be around her. And Kara wants to believe that Lena will come back to her but it’s been two weeks and it feels like forever and Kara’s starting to wonder. And she knows that Lena is far too good at putting up walls and while Kara wants to believe she’s taken this time to drag them down, to allow herself to be vulnerable, Kara is afraid that she’s only built them up stronger than before.

“Do you know what the difference between you and Lena is though?” Alex continues when Kara doesn’t say anything.

Kara shrugs.

“The difference is you have me and, as far as I can tell, Lena has… well, nobody. So when you decide to go off and be a self-sacrificing idiot, I’m there to save to and to remind you that you don’t _have_ to be. I think… maybe Lena needs someone like that.”

“What are you saying Alex?” Kara asks, genuinely confused as to what her sister is getting at.

“I’m saying that giving someone space is all well and good, but sometimes what they really need is a friend… or a whatever you are to her.”

“So you’re saying I should what? Ignore her wishes and go and see her even though I know that she needs space?”

Alex looks at Kara.

“She doesn’t need space. She needs… shit! I forgot you don’t know.”

“Don’t know what?”

Alex purses her lips in discomfort and looks away.

“Lex is dead.”

It doesn’t compute. Not immediately. Lex is dead. Lex _Luthor_ is dead. Her cousin’s worst nemesis, the man that Kara had considered the pinnacle of evil on Earth, the man that had hurt Lena more than anyone else could have. _Lex_ is dead. Lena’s brother, her best friend for years, her refuge against the ice cold storms of her mother’s disappointment, the last of her blood. He’s dead.

“I… I don’t… how?”

“The explosion that he used too save you both at the Cadmus base. It ended up killing him. They kept him alive long enough for us to find him at Sync Tech… Lena was there when he… passed.”

Kara shakes her head. Lex Luthor was dead. Gone. Forever. And Lena had just watched her brother die.

“She’s alone,” Kara says, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, “I have to go.”

Kara had half expected Alex to stop her but she doesn’t, instead, stepping aside to and handing Kara a clean set of clothes for her to change into. Kara changes quickly and she’s about to fly off when Alex catches her by the hand. Kara looks back at her curiously.

“I like her,” Alex says. “She’s tough. And smart. So… don’t mess this up.”

Kara laughs and then presses a kiss to Alex’s forehead.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

  

* * *

 

_Lena is numb. It’s a feeling she’s starting to get used to and it should worry her but she’s numb to that too. It's worst this time though because her numbness comes from a distinct lack of emotion that Lena is not equipped to deal with. The niggling worry that had followed her around since she’d first realized that Lex wasn’t the man she’d thought he was is gone. After all, he can’t do something unspeakable if he’s dead. Which he is. It’s so strange to think that he’s gone. And Lillian is gone. Or, well, she’s locked up, hopefully for good._

_Waiting for something horrible to happen with her family had become almost a part of Lena’s personality at this point. She was always expecting the news to talk about how Lex had attempted escape again or how Lillian and Cadmus had launched another attack against aliens. She’d spent most of her time preparing for what to do if the news broke, what she would say, what she would do, how L-Corp could make up for her family’s actions. And now… now there’s nothing. She’s done._

_Or almost done. She knows that she’s going to have to deal with a litany of lawyers and press over the next couple months. Even after Lillian is permanently locked away, hopefully under multiple life sentences, she’s going to have to deal with the aftermath. But that stuff is just… stuff. It’s nothing compared to what she’s dealt with for so long and after having to go through Lex’s trial watching Lillian get locked up will be a piece of cake._ _And so, that leaves Lena numb, unsure how to process, what to think without the constant threat of her family looming._

_There’s really only one thought in her mind right now and that’s of Kara. Alex has been sending her regular updates, telling her how the color had returned to Kara's face, how her breathing had eased up, and most recently, that she’d woken up. The news had been the only thing to cut through the numbness. Kara is okay, she’s safe, she’s awake. After everything they’d been through it’s the only thing that matters really and it provides a sense of calm._

_The next text from Alex takes that calm away in an instant._

She’s on her way to you. Won’t be long.

_Lena isn’t ready for this. She isn’t ready to face Kara. She had assumed that Kara would continue to give her space like she had before everything that happened at Sync Tech but clearly she’d been wrong. And this is really, really bad because Lena still hasn’t figured out if she’s done enough good to cancel out the bad. She’s still not sure that she deserves Kara and she has no idea what she’ll say when she sees her again._

_She doesn’t get any time to figure it out. Kara is knocking on her window before Lena has even put her phone back down and when Lena sees her, her heart stops. It’s clear that Kara had come straight from waking up. Her hair is tousled and her askew collar and half-tucked shirt are clear signs that she’d dressed in a hurry. She looks good though, better than the last time Lena saw her and it floods her with relief._

_But of everything about Kara right now, the thing that hits Lena the hardest is her expression. Hovering outside of Lena’s window, her hand still poised from knocking, she looks at Lena with pure concern in her eyes and an almost heartbreaking empathy. After everything Kara has gone through, Lena isn’t sure she deserves that look. She wonders what Alex told her. Does Kara know about Lillian being locked away? Does she know that Lex is dead? That he died in her arms? Is she aware that she is looking at the last Luthor, the last owner of a cursed legacy._

_For a long while, Lena just stares at Kara, so unsure of what to do next that she can’t even move. It’s only when Kara starts to fidget, like she’s not quite sure she’s welcome that Lena snaps out of it. Kara looks like she’s about to fly away and Lena scrambles to stop her._

_“Kara.”_

_Her name escapes Lena’s lips against her will but it’s enough to get Kara to pause and turn back. Lena opens the door to her balcony and throws her arms around Kara’s shoulders, pulling her close. Kara’s hands hover for a second an inch from Lena’s waist, as if she’s not sure that she should hug back, but then she does, sliding them around to the small of Lena’s back and up her spine until she’s hugging Lena properly._

_“Lena,” Kara whispers, her breath tickling at Lena’s ear. “Alex told me about Lex. I’m so sorry.”_

_Lena doesn’t understand it. She doesn’t understand where Kara’s endless fount of empathy comes from. Lex was probably one of the worst things to ever happen to her family since she came to Earth. He certainly had been the worst thing to happen to aliens in the time that Kara had been here. She would have grown up hearing about his atrocities, knowing that he would have hated her on sight had he known who she was. But here she is, comforting Lena, because she knows that the most hated man in America was once her brother._

_Lena pulls back and looks at Kara. Her eyebrows are pulled down in worry and Lena doesn’t get it. She doesn’t. She can’t understand. But she revels in it anyway. She lets Kara brings her hands up to frame her face and brush loose strands of hair out of her eyes._

_“Are you okay?” Kara asks softly._

_“I…”_

_Lena tries to say she’s okay, but she doesn’t think she can lie to Kara’s face. She tries to find the words to express exactly how she’s feeling. Not a single word comes to mind and in the end all Lena can do is burst into tears. It’s like seeing Kara has allowed her to feel something for the first time since watching Alex drag Lillian away and it has jump started her entire system. All of a sudden, Lena is feeling too much._

_Kara cradles her as she buries her face in Kara’s shoulder, her knees giving out until Kara is the only thing holding her upright. She clings to her tightly needing something to keep her grounded as the torrent of emotions she feels threatens to drown her._

_She’d forced herself to distance herself from Lex, to think of him as the killer that he’d become. But he was her brother. Before it all, before anyone else knew him, he’d been Lena’s brother. He’d been there to hold her when she couldn’t sleep because the Luthor mansion creaked. And he would give her sweets and remind her that he loved her whenever Lillian was particularly harsh with her. And while she’d been telling herself that that man was gone forever, that Lex had been destined to be bad from the start, there had still been a part of her that believed there was a chance that he could be redeemed. He would change and he would go back to being her loving brother. But that chance was gone now. The first person she’d loved was dead and gone and it hurt._

_Kara mumbles soft, indistinct words in her ear. She can’t quite hear what she’s saying but the content matters less than the steady, comforting tone. She latches onto the gentle timbre of Kara’s voice until she manages to slow her breathing into something a little less hysterical. It’s only when she’s calmed down a little that she realizes that Kara has somehow maneuvered them into the house and onto the couch without Lena noticing. She’s reclined against the arm with Lena curled up against her chest and she’s warm and solid._

_She’s feels drained from the crying, from the sleepless nights, but Lena feels like she should say something. The age old need to explain why she cares about Lex, to excuse her caring about a genocidal maniac builds in her chest, but Kara is running her fingers through her hair and still whispering soft words to her and for the first time ever Lena realizes she doesn’t have to explain. Instead she closes her eyes and lets the insistent exhaustion pull her under. The last thing she feels before she slips under is the steady rise and fall of Kara’s chest._

 

* * *

 

Kara stands slowly, maneuvering Lena gently so that she can tuck her arms under her legs. Lena must be exhausted because she doesn’t stir at all. Kara carries her carefully into her room and lies her down on the bed. She tries to pull away, but finds that Lena’s right hand is gripping tightly at her shirt. Kara could easily get her to  let go, of course, but what’s the point. Instead, she moves Lena over just a little more so that there’s enough space for her to lie down facing her.

Despite her vice-like grip on Kara’s shirt and having every reason not to, Lena looks peaceful as she sleeps. The lines of worry and the tenseness to her expression that she’s never quite successful at hiding are gone. Kara reaches up and runs her thumb along the curve of Lena’s cheekbone and then down the line of her jaw. God, Kara wishes this were something she could fix. She doesn’t want Lex Luthor back in the world, but she does wish that Lena hadn’t lost her bother. She knows what he meant to her.

Kara thinks back to the times she slept in this bed. To holding Lena as she shook with the aftershocks of nightmares and Lena doing the same during the nights after the explosion. Kara hadn’t let herself look back then, hadn't want to think about the implications of wanting to. Everything had been to raw after the explosion and she hadn’t known yet how she felt. But Lena sleeps peacefully now and she’s so… beautiful isn’t the word Kara is looking for though is certainly true. Lena is ridiculously beautiful but it’s more than that. She’s precious.

Kara feels so much for her and it’s all coming to a head now. She hadn’t really let herself feel it before. There hadn’t been a chance with the kidnapping and then Lena needing space. But now… everything seems to have solidified into something real and Kara lets herself feel everything. It makes her chest hurt, it makes her want to run, but even more it makes her want to reach out and bury her face where Lena’s shoulder meets her neck and just breathe until Lena is the only thing she can smell, hear, and feel.

She ignores both those instincts, settling instead with just looking, memorizing every line, every curve, dip, and corner of Lena’s face while she has the chance. She hears Lena’s heartbeat and decides to memorize that too. It's soothing in it's steady slowness. Kara closes her eyes, for what feels like a second but when she opens them again, the sun is gone and the room is lit only by moonlight.

Kara wakes to find Lena watching her, a soft expression on her face. She looks so at peace right now.

“Hey,” Lena says, her voice is quiet and raw from the crying earlier. “You’re very cute when you sleep.”

Kara hates the blush that she feels creep up her chest but knows that there’s no stopping it. Hopefully the darkness of the room will keep Lena from seeing it.

“I… um, thank you,” she manages. “You do too.”

“You watched me sleep?” Lena asks, her eyebrow raised teasingly.

“Well, I mean. You wouldn’t let go of my shirt, so… there wasn’t really anything else for me to do.”

It’s Lena’s turn to blush and Kara doesn’t see it in her face so much as in the way her eyes flutter downward and she shifts embarrassedly.

“I’m sorry. After all that time, I… I didn’t really mean to fall apart like that.”

“It’s okay,” Kara reassures. “I get it. The last few days have been rough.”

Lena laughs hollowly.

“Tell me about it.”

“It’s over now though.”

Lena looks at her sharply and then nods.

“Yes, I suppose it is.”

It’s a strange moment. Kara’s heard people say that you don’t know the important moments until they happen but this one feels very important. Everything about it feels heavy with the end of… something. Kara’s not sure what yet. She thinks it might also be a beginning.

“I…” Lena starts. “When Superman called Alex and told her that you had gone missing, I… I was so scared and worried and I also felt like an idiot. I was afraid you’d die. I was afraid that Lillian would finally decide that she didn’t want to bother with you anymore and-“ Lena lets out a shaky breath. “All I could think about was that I’d sent you away. That we could have had these last two weeks and I sent you away and-“

“Shhhh,” Kara says, pulling Lena into her chest and running her fingers through her hair before she can work herself into a frenzy.

Lena lets herself be comforted for a second and then she pulls away.

“We have a limited amount of time together,” Lena says. “I don’t know how long. It could be weeks, months, years, the rest of our lives, but there’s a limit. Forever… forever can’t actually happen. So I’m done wasting time. I’m done worrying about perfect because perfect also never happens. I’m going to love you, Kara. I’m going to love you the best way I know how. And I’ll probably hurt you but I’m going to do my best not to and when I do I’m going to make it up to you. So Kara, for the rest of whatever limited amount of time we have, I’m going to love you with everything I have. If that’s okay with you.”

There’s a fire in Lena’s eyes that Kara’s never seen before and it makes her heart race. It pulls her in and makes her feel like she can’t breathe. It’s exhilarating.

“That’s so okay with me,” Kara replies. “I lov-“

Lena kisses her before Kara can finish the thought and Kara almost protests because Lena needs to hear it. But the press of her is so, so good that she can’t pull away. She presses closer, pulling Lena into her and kissing her with everything she has. If she can’t say the words, then she’s damn well going to express how she feels through her actions. She will make Lena feel loved if it’s the last thing she does, and dammit if she won’t spend the rest of her life doing it.

Kara kisses Lena until neither of them can breathe and then it slows. It slows incrementally until they’re pulling apart, resting their foreheads together, letting their breath mingle. Kara revels in feeling so intricately connected to another person and tries her best to get her smile under control.

“I love you,” she says finally, unable to hold it in any longer. “I love you, Lena.”

“And I you, for as long as you’ll have me.”

 

* * *

 

_Lena doesn’t really like beer. Lex had loved it. When they were younger and traveling through Europe he would take her beer-tasting. She knew how to differentiate the flavors, could recognize the brand and how it had been made. But she didn’t like it. She much preferred the fruitier taste of wines to the malty taste of beer. But when Alex Danvers hands her a bottle, Lena doesn’t say anything. She brings it up to her lips and takes a sip. A Belgian lager. It’s not bad as far as beers go. Lena still doesn’t like it._

_Alex watches her as she drinks. She has a habit of just observing quietly, waiting for Lena to make the first move. Normally Lena wouldn’t let herself be intimidated. She’s faced worse than this. Except that she knows that Alex knows that Kara had spent last night in her bed and if there’s one thing that can make Alex Danvers dangerous it’s Kara._

_Lena isn’t quite sure why Alex called her here, to this dingy bar in the back parts of town. Lena’s driver had balked at dropping her off here. Somehow she feels like Alex wants her to apologize for having Kara spend the night but that’s not something Lena wants to apologize for so she stays silent, sipping at her beer to avoid having to make eye contact._

_“How are you?” Alex asks finally, when it becomes clear that Lena won’t say anything._

_It takes her by surprise. Of all the questions she’d thought she’d have to answer (What are your intentions with Kara? Do you actually think you’re right for her? Why would she even want to be with you?) that was not one of them._

_“I… I’m fine,” Lena says, floundering._

_“Okay, let’s try that again,” Alex says, firmly. “How are you? Try for an honest answer this time.”_

_Lena bristles at her tone. Who is Alex to know how she’s feeling? And why does she think she’s entitled to the answer? Lena doesn’t owe her anything. She glares at Alex who just stares back impassively. Her expression tells Lena that she will be infinitely patient about this and in the end, Lena just sighs._

_“I’m tired,” she says. “I don’t know how I’m feeling other than that.”_

_Alex raises her eyebrows challengingly._

_“Stop being evasive and just answer the damn question.”_

_“I don’t know what you want from me,” Lena snaps back._

_“Okay, how about this. Here are the things that I know are happening in your life. 1) Your mother is in jail pending trial for genocide and a number of other crimes. 2) Your evil brother, who you loved, is dead. He died in your arms. 3) Cadmus is falling apart without their leadership. 4) My sister spent last night at your place and has been walking around with a stupid smile on her face all day, which leads me to believe that you’ve stopped being an idiot and aren’t pushing her away anymore.” Lena blushes at the mention of Kara. “So, with all these things in your life. How are you feeling?”_

_Lena doesn’t know why Alex cares but she knows that fighting this won’t do her any favors._

_“I’m tired,” she says again. “I’m happy. I’m sad. I’m a little scared.”_

_“Scared of what?”_

_“What are you, my therapist?”_

_“Do you have one? Because you probably need one, in my medical opinion.”_

_“Oh, shove off. I know you never completed med school.”_

_Alex rolls her eyes._

_“I’m not your therapist,” Alex says. “But I do think I’m the only person in your life who’s actually going to make you confront your feelings. Kara is so well-meaning all the time, but she’s not going to ask you to think about something unpleasant even if you really, really should. So, since you and my baby sister are… something, and since I actually kind of like you, I have taken it upon myself to get you to introspect a little.”_

_Lena gapes at her for a second. The nerve of this woman is really… she’s just-. Frustrating. Alex Danvers is frustrating. And since when does she give half a shit about Lena? Had she not just been a means to the end of protecting her sister? She says she likes her and she asks her questions about her feelings and Lena is so confused._

_“Please stop staring at me and just answer the question,” Alex says, sounding almost bored._

_God she’s annoying, Lena thinks._

_“Fine, okay. I’m sad that Lex is dead. I’d hoped… I don’t know, that I could save him or that he would change and go back to his old self. So I’m sad he’s dead. But I’m also glad because this way he can’t hurt anyone ever again. I don’t have mixed feelings about Lillian. She can rot for all I care. I’m glad Cadmus is falling apart. If you need any help in rounding them up, L-Corp is at your services. And I’m so in love with Kara that it hurts and I’m scared that I’m going to lose her because she’s a reckless idiot and I’m worried that I’m not good enough for her. There. Is that what you wanted?”_

_Alex’s expression softens. She takes a long drag of her beer and then leans forward._

_“You’re not good enough,” Alex says gently and Lena wants to cry. “No one in the whole damn universe is good enough for her. But I think you might be as close as it gets.”_

_Lena blinks in surprise._

_“What?” Alex asks. “Don’t look at me like that. You’re smart, tough, powerful. You’re stubborn enough to not let her get away with shit but your priorities line up enough that you won’t constantly be at odds. And I think you understand her better than most. You know loneliness, you understand carrying a legacy, you know about being the last in a sense. End of the day, you might understand her better than I do.”_

_“So what?” Lena says, a little unnerved at the kind and open way Alex is talking to her. “Is this you giving your big sister seal of approval?”_

_Alex snorts and leans back in her seat._

_“It’s me making sure you don’t fuck things up.”_

_Lena’s jaw drops in surprise and confusion._

_“I- What?”_

_“Right now, the biggest threat to your relationship is you looking at Kara and seeing all the good she is and thinking that you’re not enough to match it. And I’m here telling you, as Kara’s older sister, as the person who has known her best and longest on this Earth, that you are. You are good enough, if you let yourself be.”_

_It’s unbecoming to cry in a public place. It’s certainly not what Lena wants to do in front of Kara’s older sister, who she is trying very hard to impress. But the last few weeks have been a lot and she’s tried and emotional and somehow Alex has touched on exactly what she needed to hear. So maybe a few tears slide down her face before she can wipe them away._

_“I’m also here to let you know that you can talk to me if you need to,” Alex says, and it’s clear that this part she is far less comfortable with. “I don’t know how many friends you have. I don’t know who else you can talk to, but sometimes you need to talk to someone who isn’t your girlfriend. So, I’m here if you need someone.”_

_Honestly, Lena has no idea what is going on right now. She’d come to the bar half expecting Alex to tell her to stay away from her sister. Or possibly to ask for some L-Corp tech for the DEO or to debrief the mission. She certainly hadn’t expected this._

_“Hey!”_

_Kara’s voice rings out clearly just to her left, startling her._

_“You said you’d be nice Alex!”_

_Kara sounds scandalized._

_“I was,” Alex says._

_“Then why’s she crying?”_

_Kara drops her her knees next to Lena so that she can look up at her. She looks concerned._

_“Are you okay? Alex can be mean sometimes, but I swear she doesn’t mean it.”_

_Lena lets out a choked laugh and shakes her head. She takes Kara’s hands in her own and smooths her thumbs over her knuckles to reassure her._

_“She wasn’t mean to me,” Lena says. “I’m just being emotional.”_

_“See?” Alex says. “I told you so.”_

_Kara turns and sticks her tongue out at her sister. Alex rolls her eyes and stands up._

_“You two are going to start being gross now, I can tell. I’m going home.”_

_“Bye Alex!” Kara calls after her. “Get home safe.”_

_Kara waits until Alex is out of earshot before turning to Lena again. She hesitates for a second before kissing her softly._

_“You didn’t just say she wasn't mean because she was standing there and is scary, right?”_

_Lena laughs._

_“I don’t think you’re supposed to be scared of your sister, Kara.”_

_“I’m not!” Kara says. “I just know that she can be scary. Winn is terrified of her.”_

_“Well, I’m also not scared of her,” Lena replies, and it’s mostly true. “And no, she was not mean to me. She was actually kind of nice.”_

_Kara grins at her and Lena wonders how much it means to her that Alex likes her. She tries to imagine introducing Kara to Lex for real and not having to worry about him hating her because she’s an alien and not have to worry about any of their history. She tries to imagine Kara as just her girlfriend, not Supergirl, and Lex as he was when she was young and is disappointed to find that she can’t._

_“Hey, are you okay? You just went somewhere,” Kara says._

_Lena just hums in response, not wanting to go into the complicated mess of emotions in her head. She pulls Kara up by her collar to kiss her again, revelling in the fact that she can. Kara smiles as she kisses her back, letting it go on a little longer than is probably appropriate in a public place._

_“You should come back to my place tonight,” Lena murmurs. “I liked waking up next to you.”_

_Kara blushes but nods._

_“I, um, I liked waking up next to you too.”_

_She says it so bashfully, so sweetly that Lena finds herself blushing as well and this is dumb. This feeling of young love, as if they’re teenagers and they don’t know what to do with themselves feels so silly in it’s simplicity. But Lena can’t bring herself to care._

 

* * *

 

Lena had insisted that Kara not come. She had, in fact, said that if Kara did show up she would be sleeping on Alex’s couch for the next three months. Kara had wanted to argue, but the stubborn tilt of Lena’s chin and the sharp look in her eye had told her that it would be pointless. Still, she’s a little annoyed that she’s stuck at home.

Actually, no, Kara decides. She's not just annoyed. She’s mad. She’d mad and a little hurt that Lena won’t let her be there with her. Lillian’s trial has been going on for days now and it’s nearing it’s end. Every day Lena comes back from the courthouse looking utterly drained and she won’t say a word to Kara about it. Kara has tried prying details from her sister but somewhere along the way, Lena had convinced Alex to stay silent as well.

“I’ll tell you about it when it’s over,” Lena mutters every night before curling up in bed, her back to Kara, leaving her to stare at the roof and wonder what the hell is going on.

But today is supposed to be the last day. Today is sentencing day. The jury had heard the last of what they needed to hear and were being sent off into a closed room to talk. Its been three hours since Lena left and Kara is debating going to wait for her on the courthouse steps. But she knows that Lena doesn’t want her there and while she doesn’t understand _why,_ she’s not going to ignore Lena’s wishes.

So she sits at home and tries to find some way to distract herself. It doesn’t work and she aches to reach out with her super-hearing and listen in on the trial, to hear what the jury is saying in their closed-door meeting. She feels ridiculously out of the loop, not even having heard how earlier days of the trial had gone. It’s infuriating. Kara puts on a movie. She doesn’t know which one. She just turns on the TV to a channel at random and lets the sound drone in the background.

It’s only been on for ten minutes when Kara hears the front door open. She’s on her feet and in the entrance hall before she can even think about it. She doesn’t mean to startle Lena but the sudden uptick in her heartbeat means she succeeded anyway.

“You’re home?” Kara asks. “Already? Does that mean-?”

“It was a quick decision,” Lena says. “They were in and out in ten minutes. I’ve just been doing press ever since.”

“A quick decision?”

Kara knows what a quick decision means. It means they found her guilty. It means they didn’t even feel they had much to discuss. It means that it was most likely completely and utterly unanimous. No one had to be cajoled into agreements. No one had any doubts. But still, Kara feels like she needs to hear it.

“Guilty,” Lena says tiredly. “She’s going to serve consecutive life sentences in solitary. She won’t get any visitors other than her lawyer and me. Maximum security. I think they learned their lesson from all the times Lex almost escaped.”

Kara’s relief that it’s over, that Lillian is locked up is quickly overshadowed by her concern for Lena who hasn’t looked at her twice since walking in and whose answers have been robotic and monotone. Kara had expected a little bit more… emotion maybe. She hadn’t exactly expected Lena to jump for joy but Lillian getting locked up should have been cause for at least a little bit of excitement.

“Are you okay?” Kara asks, wondering if she’d read her girlfriend wrong.

She’d thought that Lena had severed all ties to Lillian. They hadn’t really been that close in the first place and after her kidnapping, Kara had thought Lena _hated_ her. But maybe she was upset that Lillian was locked up?

“Yeah,” Lena replies distractedly. “I’m fine. I’m just-“

“Tired,” Kara finishes for her. “I know."

She doesn’t mean to sound so petulant but she feels like she’s been living alone ever since trial started and Lena’s given the same excuse every night. And Kara is trying to be supportive but she can’t know how to help if Lena won’t tell her what’s going on. Her tone does catch Lena’s attention though and she looks at Kara properly for what feels like the first time in days.

“I…” Lena starts to say but then she shakes her head and takes a deep breath.

She’s in Kara’s space so quickly it startles her, and Kara stumbles back half a step before Lena’s hands are sliding around her neck and pulling her back into a searing kiss. Kara kisses back fervently. She thinks that maybe the shut out is over, that maybe now that the trials done Lena will stop being so distant. But part of her hopes that, if she’s wrong, this kiss will be enough to show Lena that she’s still here and she still cares and to please come back. Lena responds to her energy happily, grasping at her shoulders and her cardigan as if that could possibly bring them closer together.

“I love you,” she mutters desperately between kisses until they stop kissing and she just repeats it like a mantra. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

“Lena,” Kara pleads. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Lena says. “Nothing’s wrong. I just… I missed you and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Kara says.

“I’m still sorry,” Lena says, emphatically.

“Can I… um, can I ask why you didn’t want me to come to the trial?”

Kara had asked before, when Lena had first told her that she didn’t want her there and Lena had adamantly refused to explain. Kara knew better than to press the issue but Lena seems a little less guarded now than she had before and Kara hopes she might be more willing to answer her question. Lena sighs and pulls away away slightly from Kara’s embrace.

“Sorry,” Kara says quickly. “You don’t have to tell me if you-“

“It’s okay, Kara,” Lena says. “I’ll tell you. I just need a drink and to sit. It’s been a long few hours.”

“Oh, right,” Kara says. “Sure, sure. Whatever you need.”

Lena looks at her with concern and steps forward to fix Kara’s glasses where they’re sitting slightly askew.

“I’m sorry,” Lena says again. “I know I’ve been… difficult the last few days, but you don’t need to walk on eggshells around me.”

“I wasn’t-“

Lena cuts her off with a kiss.

“You were. But it’s okay. I get it. I’m just saying you don’t have to.”

Kara nods dumbly and follows her into the living room. She watches Lena shuck off her heels and pour herself a glass of wine. Lena sits on the couch and pats the space next to her for Kara to join. Kara obeys hesitantly. 

“The reason I asked or rather told you not to go to the trail was because I knew what Lillian was going to say,” Lena says. “The evidence against her was overwhelming. At the end of the day, she couldn't convince the jury that she hand't done it. Her only chance at getting off was to convince the jury that her crimes weren’t that bad because aliens weren’t people. And I was right. She and her lawyers spent the whole trial arguing that aliens were a scourge on this planet and they should be cleansed for the safety of humans.”

Lena spits the words out like it hurts to say them. There’s a quiet rage burning behind her eyes, one that Kara hasn’t seen since they were both kidnapped. It scares her a little, but then it fades.

“I just… I didn’t want you to have to hear any of that. I didn’t want you to have to deal with the people that came to the trial in support of her. I just…”

“You wanted to protect me,” Kara says softly. “I get it. And I get why Alex wouldn’t tell me either.”

“You would have ignored me if you knew my reasons,” Lena says.

“I wanted to support you,” Kara says.

“I know,” Lena replies. “I know you did and that was more than enough.”

She reaches out and places her hand on Kara’s. Kara smiles as she tangles their fingers together, and squeezes.

“And I’m sorry for how distant I’ve been at home,” Lena continues. “It’s been a weird few days.”

Kara scoots closer until she can sling her arm around Lena’s shoulders and Lena rests her head against her shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Lena doesn’t say anything for a really long time. Kara knows from her expression and from the deliberate steadiness of her breathing that she’s thinking.

“She raised me,” she says finally. “The stuff she said… I just… I mean, she was distant of course, but she did raise me and I remember her saying stuff like that when I was little but, god, it was so much worse hearing it at the trial. Maybe because I know you or because I’ve grown up and become more discerning.”

“You’re not like her,” Kara says.

“I know,” Lena says, and for the first time ever Kara thinks she believes it. “I know that I’m not. The stuff she said, god, I can’t even think most of it without feeling sick. And I’d come home to you after having heard her say all this stuff and knowing that she may be locked up but there are people like that out there and I just… I’m sorry. I admit, I did not handle it well.”

“It’s okay,” Kara says, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Thank you for telling me.”

Lena sighs and relaxes her body more fully into Kara’s.

“It’s over now though,” Lena says. “And I don’t have any family left to come crawling out of the wood work to murder people.”

“You have me,” Kara says.

Lena laughs.

“You wouldn’t even kill that fly that got into the kitchen that one time.”

“It was innocent, Lena. It was just being a fly. Why would I kill it when I could remove it without hurting it?”

Lena laughs again and hums, during her face into Kara’s shoulder.

“I love you,” she mumbles, her voice muffled by the fabric of Kara’s shirt.

“I love you too,” Kara replies.

“I’m gonna marry you one day,” Lena says and Kara’s heart skips a beat.

It should have dimmed by now she thinks. After all these months she shouldn’t still love Lena so much that her chest gets tight whenever she hears the words and just seeing her makes her entire day better. But she does. She loves her so, so much that sometimes she doesn’t feel like she can express it properly.

“Kara?” Lena says, sounding worried and Kara realizes that its because instead of answering she’s just staring dopily at her girlfriend.

“One day,” Kara promises.

As Lena presses up to kiss her, Kara thinks she’s never been as certain of anything in her life as she is of this. One day she will marry Lena Luthor. And just for a second, she forgets that forever can’t happen. She forgets about how things break and change and end. With Lena in her arms, and a promise on her lips, forever somehow feels possible. And tonight is just the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me @the-dj-is-asleep on tumblr. :)


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